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You are here: Home / 2013 / Archives for July 2013

Archives for July 2013

Catching Fairies in a Jar Dangerous Trend

July 29, 2013 By Seth 73 Comments

Fairy In A JarThis week a dangerous new trend is lighting up the world – catching fairies in a jar. Who is doing this and how and why?

It may seem fun to catch a travelling fairy and keep it in a jar but if you or someone you love is planning to engage in this dangerous new hobby, stop and read this first. Your very survival depends on it!

You may have seen it going around, fairy trap making instructions that describe how to bait a clear glass jar  with the contents of a broken glow stick and bits of coloured paper to simulate fairy dust, before strategically placing the jar in the branches of trees in high traffic fairy areas. The idea here being that fairies, like birds and insects and other flying beasts and beings, have difficulty detecting the presence of glass at high speed.

“If you have positioned the baited jar just right, in the middle of a known fairy chemin {fairy highway} the jar will light up when a fairy flies in it. This is your signal to place the lid and screw it tight,” reads one dangerous website before going on to describe fun party games you can play with a fairy in a jar, games like Shake the Fairy and Make a Wish. Games that are just so wrong on so many levels.

How many levels? Well start with three:

LEVEL ONE WRONGNESS OF FAIRY JARS: 

Shaking a fairy in a jar might seem like a fun little personal light show to you but think about it from the fairy’s point of view. You have just trapped her/him in travel form, a form that looks like a pretty streak or ball of light to you and fits easily into your jar now, but which must be maintained by sustained unidirectional motion. By shaking your fairy, you are making her dizzy and very possibly sick to her stomach, which in turn makes it difficult if not impossible for her to maintain light travel form. Plus, it’s a little known fact that while fairies don’t really eat per sey, they are world-famous vomiters.

And if your fairy can’t maintain travel form, then what happens? Well for starters:

LEVEL TWO WRONGNESS:

What makes you think all fairies will fit comfortably in your little jar anyway? Sure, in motion, they all look like a pretty ball of light or will-o-wisp or whatever but that’s where the similarities end. Have you ever seen a tooth fairy at work, for instance? If you have, then you know what I’m talking about. Do you really want an angry tooth fairy  who didn’t make his quota that day because you trapped him in a tiny jar without even a single air hole poked in the lid? Which brings me to….

LEVEL THREE WRONGNESS: 

After you stuff a busy fairy into a jar with no lid and shake her around for a few hours, do you really think she is going to grant you a magic food stick that makes every kind of food appear on it? Why? Just because you opened the lid and offered to let him out? Really?

Even if you can convince the fairy you weren’t the one who trapped her in the jar, that you’re just the helpy bystander to let her out – which you probably can’t because that fairy is going to be mad – but even if you could, think about it. Fairies are not omniscient or omnipotent beings. Each fairy has their particular area of specialization. What makes you think you have captured the right fairy for your wish? You could have a delayed a simple Parking Fairy in that jar. Or the even lesser known, Lost Sock Fairy. Point is, he or she probably can’t give you millions of dollars — even if he wanted to. Which this fairy most assuredly does not want to do because you trapped him in a jar, remember?

Which brings us to…

WRONGNESS LEVEL FOUR: 

Ever trap a bee in a Coke bottle, shake it up and then let it go? If you have then you know what I’m talking about. Now multiply that by a thousand times and add some fairy magic. What do you get? Bad hair for life. Missing socks. A stem where your legs used to be. Not a party, let’s just be clear.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Fairies

New British Prince Vampire Like Grandpa or Werewolf?

July 26, 2013 By Seth 41 Comments

Born on the full moon, at the height of the Dog Days, the new British prince has tongues and tails wagging but is he really just another vampire descendant like his grandfather Prince Charles, or is he actually a werewolf?

Prince Vampire or Werewolf

The baby’s grandpa, Prince Charles openly admitted to the world just last year that he is in fact a descendant of one of the very first vampires, the notorious Vlad the Impaler of Transylvania, whose bloody legacy inspired the Dracula story.

“Transylvania is in my blood,” Prince Charles admitted in a television interview in November 2012. “The genealogy shows I am descended from Vlad the Impaler.”

Which means of course, that his new grandson, the little Prince George Alexander Louis also has vampire blood running through his veins.

Add to this a statement made by self-hating Russian vampire politician also named Vladimir himself, who recently warned the world that this new prince would grow up to be a vampire. “This new royal baby is another blood-sucking British monarch whose birth should not be celebrated,” he said.

All very compelling evidence the new prince is indeed a vampire, just like old grandpa Charles. Or is he?

Vlad the ImpalerNot so fast. If the baby is just another vampire like his grandpire, why did he refuse to come out until the full moon?  Vampires are famously very often born on the crescent moon, not the full moon and certainly not on this full moon, the Dog Days Moon, the Mutt Moon, the Ghost Moon? With all that ghostly moonlight and all those new werewolves running around, it’s just not safe for a baby vampire.

But what other evidence do we have the first prince is a werewolf and not a vampire?

Well, consider his name: Prince George Alexander Louis. The first thing you will notice is no Vlad on the list of names here. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

On to the name George. Pundits note the name George appears to refer to Queen Elizabeth’s father, George VI but it’s impossible to ignore its relationship to another George, the George who started it all, St. George, who became famous for, among other things like balancing a spoon on his nose, slaying a dragon! To be clear, St. George is normally depicted slaying dragons on a white horse, with a glowing halo above his head, making him appear more angel than werewolf but werewolves too were known to take down dragons back then.

(Actually back then, everyone wanted to bag a draconian. Almost makes you wonder if Dragons are really jerks or just justifiably annoyed at everyone.)

So back to George. Conclusion on George? Inconclusive.

Let’s look at Alexander. Alexander hails from the name of Alexander the Great, Greek ruler said to have never lost a battle, often depicted with eyes or two different colours, “one as dark as night and the other as blue as the sky.”  He was also said to wield a thunderbolt from time to time and stated that Zeus was his father. Sound like a werewolf to you? Er, not so much.

But wait. Before you shut the book on the case, don’t forget the baby’s third name: Louis. Has a more werewolf name ever been named? Sure it means great warrior or defender but this by way of its obvious connection to LOUP? – LOUP GAROU –  LUPINE…? The little prince certainly appears to have hair like a Louis already.

So, Prince Vampire? Or Prince Angellic Demigod Werewolf? You decide for yourself.

Or better yet, add the new prince to your list of Important People to Scan. I already did. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Monstrometer, Vampires, Werewolves

SOS Dog Moon Hall of Fame Announcement

July 25, 2013 By Seth 21 Comments

 

SOS Dog MUTT Moon Hall of Fame Announcement

While the dust still settles on the Dog Moon, and the Ghost Moon fades for another year, SOS will induct another survivor into the Hall of Fame, in keeping with my pledge to catch up with Hall of Famers over the summer – at least until a cure for the dread Survivor of the Month curse can be found.

Thanks to everyone contributing to Survival research this moon. Long may you keep on keeping on! Without you, there would be no SOS.

Do you know this survivor? 

1. Has this moon in his name. Well sort of. At least in part of it.

2. Yet he is not all werewolf, strictly speaking. He is somewhat more of a mix than most, and his name means that too.

3. Once believed himself to be the last of his kind

4. Owing to this, he sometimes rhymed.

5. Many thought he would never speak again

6. But a trip to the underworld gave him the yen.

7. And something else. Please keep on while we fill you in…

8. It took an angel and a pastry chef and a demon, just to bring him back.

9. After a nasty Silverbloods attack.

10.  But what exactly was in that evil eclair? ‘Cuz we’re still trying to determine his new plan here…

Mr. Mutt

Mr. Mutt

If you, like Stigma, guessed everyone’s favourite Heinz 57 werewolf hybrid, Mr. Mutt? Congratulations, you were right! Looking back over the years, I see whenever SOS got weird – er, weirder –  Mr. Mutt has been there to warn me. When I see an email from Mr. Mutt on my phone I know something’s going down and I better get to the site as soon as possible.

Confession time here. I actually thought we had already inducted Mr. Mutt into the Hall of Fame, but then Graham reminded me why we scrapped that plan. It was based on Mr. Mutt’s last comment way back here in February, when we thought he didn’t survive. And unfortunately by definition, one must be actively surviving to be inducted into the Survival Hall of Fame. Otherwise it’s kind of like, false advertising.

So I’m glad you’re back Mr. Mutt. Even if you are possessed by a demonic pastry chef or whoever your demon turns out to be, it’s great to know you’re still keeping on out there in the world, surviving and still lending a paw from time to time. I’m glad we can finally add you to the Survival Hall of Fame.

Thanks to everyone still surviving with SOS this month.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: SOS Hall of Fame, SOS Survival Hall Of Fame

Big Moon Rising Who’ll Be Surviving?

July 22, 2013 By Seth 6 Comments

Dog Moon Rising
Dog Moon Rising

Whether you call it the Dog Moon or the Ghost Moon and/or your first moon, it was another big moon around here.

Did we survive? The jury’s still out. Stay tuned while Graham and I prepare to make another month full moon announcement tonight. Want to help us sort it out? Then follow the SOS messages and ongoing links to the supernatural situations unfolding on the site and wade in where you can. Your survival is guaranteed, 99.98%.

–>Is CHAOSWOLF still sparring with MR. MUTT?  who may or may not be possessed by a demonic pastry chef... or worse. Something about visions and a demon and what’s this about the throne of creation? Hanging out with Artemis? Shaking up metaphorical mountains? What’s this about hunting? Do we have a wolf hunter on the site?

–> Thanks to BLAZE for trying to figure it out even as he was transforming… although uh oh did he really call ALEX a puppy…?

–> But hey what’ s this tonight? RUSTY in corporate peril losing his WW senses after an attack and pack mate  BLAZE trying to make a deal with CHAOS to save him? Even willing to give up his own life? Nice. But why can’t CHAOS help? Is the MUTT MR. possessed or dead? Is this a rapture ready situation?

–> Looks like ANGELWOLF  bagged a pair of A-51 agents… wonder what they were up to? Did she get any intel?

–> ASHPAW stops by to clear up a few things and join the HOF onslaught… see her advice to RUSTY after the A-51 attackers killed his WW powers.

–> Could it be THE BEAST sold the cure to A-51?  Wait just a minute… this happened to Alex once. And now Alex is back… is Alex…? Could he be working with… ? I don’t even want to think about it.

–> Doesn’t take a psychic SYREIGN to sense the tension around here tonight. Speaking of which, somebody better tell this Mermish we have no pool…

–> Okay and there’s this VELANKO dude. Is he really here to help his WW friend?  Is he getting involved?

–> A SINGINWOLF stops by for a howl. I wonder if she’s looking for Adisa, who is probably trying to figure out how to lock her up. Guess that means it’s too late. Maybe she can sing this situation into submission…

Know anyone who needs a hand – or a paw? Check out The Top Three Causes of Full Moon Failure AKA What Not To Do on Your First Moon, here.

 

 

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Filed Under: Survival Resources Tagged With: Full Moon Message

3 Ways to Survive the Ghost Moon for New Werewolves

July 21, 2013 By Seth 6 Comments

With the Ghost Moon on the rise and things getting weird for half the globe, take a minute to look on the bright side. Also known as the Dog Moon, this one marks the mid-point of the Dog Days. Survive this and you’re almost home free. All you have to worry about then is well, the next full moon. And the one after that. And basically the rest of your life, or unlife as the case may be, which granted for you vampires is a very long time. SOS Survivor Prize

Also on the bright side, if you do survive this full moon, you can check back here for the full moon announcement when one lucky survivor will receive a small but heartfelt thank-you prize for keeping on keeping on.

On the less bright side, more new werewolves will transform over the next 72 hours than any other time of year. But sadly most new werewolves will not survive their first full moon.Why?

Whether you are a werewolf or a friend of a werewolf, take a minute to review the top three reasons why most new werewolves will not survive this full moon:

#3. The One Who Bit You Probably Bites

Obviously for you genetic werewolves this does not apply, although it should be pointed out that somebody likely bit one of your parents or ancestors and might still be on the loose.

But for any bitten werewolf on his or her first moon, the third biggest threat to your post-transformation survival is still the one who bit you. Is he or she other coming to finish you off now to avoid taking responsibility for your survival and training?

Or worse, take embarrassing photos of the first minutes on your new legs for pack YouTube night and then kill you?

You’ll never know until it’s too late. On to number two.

 #2. Fur Chasers

Yes werewolf hunters. New werewolves are very attractive to werewolf hunters because they almost always tend to go full wolf. They can’t control the stages in between yet. Werewolf hunters may have many different motivations but are often but not always, individuals who may be supplying WW parts to unscrupulous merchants in a number of industries: fashion, health food, you name it. Sometimes it’s a vampire, true, but sometimes it’s just a leprechaun on the loose. Fur chasers are basically anyone trained in the art of skinning really, really fast, like before you can transform back to your human pelt.

Now, last and most terrifying of all, the number one cause of death among new werewolves is..

AP photographer Tim Bartlett caught a werewolf in the act of chasing cars.
AP photographer Tim Bartlett caught a new WW in the act of chasing cars.

#1. Chasing Cars

Yeah. So don’t chase them. Just don’t. No, not even motorcycles. Oh you’re going to WANT to do it. For many new werewolves it’s the first thing you’ll want to try after you master standing up on your new legs.

And who can blame you. Who wouldn’t want to chase cars? They’re shiny and cool – but just don’t do it. Unless you want to end up in road kill pie at a roadside truck stop.

 

Remember this and stay safe survivors! Check back throughout the full moon to see if anyone needs a hand or a paw or if you need one. Tomorrow night Graham and I will be on full survival duty, putting up the links.

Or if you’re brave enough read, about Ghost Werewolves from the lupine lifers over at yourlupinelife.com.

And if you survive, be sure and stop by in aprox. 72 hours for a big-gish SOS announcement.

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Full Moon, Ghost Moon, Ghosts, Werewolves

This Week in Survival – July 20

July 19, 2013 By Seth 4 Comments

As the Dog Days reach a fevered peak things are getting supernaturally stormy everywhere, even here on the site. For starters, a league of Hall of Famers consisting of Mr. Mutt, Alex, Zyboragon and P5t5r all stop by in the same week. An ominous portent? Or auspicious augur? I don’t know yet but I do know this much, Mr. Mutt is acting strange, even for Mr. Mutt… Is it because somebody removed him from the Hall of Fame?  Who would do that? The Doctor…?

Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!
Another Supernatural Week Of Survival!

Please stay tuned while I try to get to the bottom of this and more updating this article  on-the-fly with links to who’s still surviving and not and how and why or why not in the days leading up to the Dog Days Moon…

–> Wait. It’s a little old but who is the man with the silver hand WOLF RANGER talks about? Looks like SOUP knows about him too…

–> Got a topic you want me to talk in a video? Why not let me know! Thanks ANGELWOLF and SOUP for doing just that.

–> A WW from the past wreaking havoc. Has MIDNIGHT come back to make the WEREWOLFSHOWL?

–>Is cribless werewolf  WW? going ghost this moon? Things look bad, not a drop of silver in the house not even a fork or a spoon. How do you contain a ghost wolf anyway? This one is going to be tough. Any advisors out there? Please follow the link.

–>Finally a life saved! No wait, 2 lives saved. Vampire ADISO looking for advice about how to be friends with werewolves when all of her family appears to be WW… Any werewolves out there want to weigh in? Just click on her name and click reply. I wonder if THE KING found her?

–> Speaking of which, why did THE KING want vampire blood? Click here to read the reason. Hint: it’s not what you think! {Many thanks to Accalia for getting the to the bottom of that one.}

–> I hate when I miss ones like this… INVINCEABLE  a suspected ghost wolf cop  stopped by an aeon ago. (Or is he a wolf cop with a ghost friend?) Either way I wonder what crimes he’s investigating now…

 

…and more coming throughout the weekend. Please check back, click on the links and help out or just chime in where you can or when the spirit moves you. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to Survival this week!

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Filed Under: Survival News Tagged With: Dog Days, This Week In Survival

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