When I first heard about the new television program, “10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty,” that was offering a $10 million dollar prize for definitive proof of the existence of Bigfoot I was thrilled. Who better to claim this prize than a real Bigfoot? Thanks to The Monstrometer, there have been several Bigfoot or Sasquatch sightings at SOS over the years! All we would have to do is send one of many links to an SOS Sasquatch report, just one of the many sparkling interviews with a Sasquatch to be found on these pages and *bingo presto!* A Survivor collects a whopping cheque. Easy! Right?
To summarize: DoubleD’s brother (100%), Alex’s friend (half), Mr. Mutt’s friend (full) Zebras&Cow’s friend (half) as was Zompirefreak’s best friend, (half). And the number of sparkling interviews with a Sasquatch or Bigfoot? A big, fat ZERO.
In fact in all the years of SOS, there has been only ONE Sasquatch self-report. An enigmatic survivor known only as “Sasquatchman” appeared on the site once and once only 18 months ago. It was a very short SOS report, a simple cry for help, “what do i do?” he asked.
My reply which you can read here (if you really must) may have been somewhat less than helpful.
Okay, fine, maybe “less than helpful,” is a bit of an understatement. Maybe yeah, Sasquatchman was never heard from again!
In my defense, I’m only one man. Okay granted, I am the 7th most famous Supernatural Survivalist on the Internets – but that only makes me the 32nd most accomplished Supernatural Survivalist overall. (And I’ll have you know, number 31 does not have a day job delivering pizza at Pizza Del Muerto.)
(Numbers 23 and 30 however both do. Sometimes we swap shifts.)
Okay maybe I am making excuses for my crummy reply, but let’s not dwell on the past. Let’s look forward, to the future. The future where a Sasquatch on SOS collects a 10 million dollar prize.
So this is a plea – Sasquatchman, if you are out there, if you are still keeping on, please COME BACK! I’m sorry I made that crack about your hair. I didn’t mean it that way. Please get back in touch with the site, so you can claim the Bigfoot Prize.
Meanwhile, all Survivors, please be on the lookout for any and all the Sasquatches in your life. Scan, scan, scan with The Monstrometer. (Unless you’re running on iOS 5 in which case, an update is coming. It really, really is.)
Me, I’m going to do two things. First, I’m going to talk to Graham about re-calibrating The Monstrometer to find more Sasquatches and Bigfoots. Bigfeet? You get the idea. (We hope to have this recalibration ready for the iOS update by Christmas.)
Second, I’m going to contact the producers of this show to clarify the rules. I am of course aware that they had already “selected” their “contestants”. Pfffft. Rank amateurs. Not even a real supernatural survivologist among them, let alone one in the top ten. It seems to me that these contestants have been carefully selected to not only put the producers in any danger of having to pay out the generous cash prize but to also discredit and set back the cause of supernatural-human relations a hundred years.
I also suspect that the show’s producers could be setting up the old Bigfoot vs. Sasquatch loophole, but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Meanwhile, scan your friends! One of them could be the lucky winner of 10 million dollars!