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The Doctor Of Survival: Blue Moon Survivor of the Month

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Once again the app proves apt because this month’s lucky Survivor of the Month winner is very appropriate for the Blue Moon.

Why? Well cuz as you know the Blue Moon is an extra moon that appears on the calendar every 2-3 years. It pops up at the end of a month that already has a full moon. A quirk of time, like leap years and leap seconds, by-products of our need to mark and control time with earthly devices…

Just like the SOS Blue Moon Survivor of the Month.

Now this is the part where you say…

Doc-Time

DOCTOR, HOW DID YOU SURVIVE? 

This Survivor pops in and out of the timeline, a time traveling were-angel for hire. As a result, there are many versions of him. You can never be sure which version of him you are dealing with. But all of them are pretty helpful… for the right price.

And what kind of assistance can you expect from The Doctor exactly? Well for starters,

The Doctor here. What’s up? If it’s a cold I recommend chicken soup.

That’s what he told Scarly when she had a cold that caused her to transform every time she sneezed. And if that didn’t clear it up then,

Just find a rift, doesn’t matter the size and location then bombard it with a small of amount of tachions. That should open a small black hole that you can time travel through.

This Doctor never met a problem that couldn’t be solved with a little chrono-manipulation therapy. Take is Rx for boredom – Re-visit a historical war again and again. Like the Spartan war. Also sometimes the middle ages, he likes to take a little knight vacay.

(I wonder how he gets his armor? Can he travel with medieval money? Or does he borrow when he gets there?)

Or did you ever find a strange cell phone, just out of the blue? Could be just what The Doctor ordered. He has a cell phone with unlimited time displacement that he might just toss your way in a time of need.

Just be careful which buttons you push or you could find yourself in a time lock, re-living the worst 30 seconds of your life. Okay once he caused a small cannibal outbreak, but hey he looped back to fixed it.

The Doctor likes void stones, swords, his SOS friends including Mr. Mutt, Scarly and Wolf Princess and a good night’s sleep in a time ripe area, that is a place outside of time. (I’m still looking for one of these. Doc says he has one in his house.)

He hates fire, stale pretzels and weak temporal energy fields – who doesn’t? – and of course he does have a few nemeses on the site, including: Dr. Mad, Chronos, Fear and Stigma. Or maybe it’s just Stigma’s demon, hard to say.

Oh and witches. He has a thing about witches ever since a coven of them stole his chrono-flux generation ring. How did he get it back anyway…? I missed that. Anyone catch that?

Anyway The Doctor’s been dedicated contributer to survival, we learn a lot and have a good time whenever he stops by. May he keep on keeping on, wherever or whenever he goes.

Thanks to everyone who kept on with the Blue Moon clues and thanks for your patience with this whole Survivor of the Month experiment. Congrats to Ice who guessed when I asked for guesses this time. I half-expected nobody to guess since twice in the past I put a prize question into the Survivor of the Month profiles and nobody guessed. This time apparently was different! It looks like several survivors knew the answer and could have guessed if they had known they were allowed to this time. Apologies for that. I blame it on the Blue Moon. But next month if we offer a guessing prize I will lay out the game better from the first post. And make the clues harder! Anyway it’s good to recall, prizes are really really small and survival is its own reward!

Thanks for keeping on.

Seth

Bigfoot Bounty Debate

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Ohio – Email this week from a survivor contained this horripilating photo, below. Aboriginal hunters brandishing the head of a Sasquatch! Is this real historical proof of aboriginal responsibility for the North American Sasquatch hunt? The “Bigfoot Bounty” that almost wiped out our reclusive cousins?

I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thing. The photo is clearly a fake. Aboriginal people are werewolves! Everybody knows that. And a werewolf would never hunt a Sasquatch.

Or would they? Read on for the shocking answers…

Photographic proof of a Bigfoot Bounty?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The photo, which hangs on the wall of a roadside diner in the heart of Ohio, depicts an aboriginal family posing for a photograph with the head of a Bigfoot, as if ready to redeem it for a wooden nickel at the local trading post.

And while we have no way of knowing for sure if these particular Aboriginal people are in fact werewolves, it seems very likely. After all, while it may be true that not all Werewolves are Aboriginal, it’s very apparent that all or most Aboriginal people are werewolves. Why else would these particular Aboriginals be covered in blankets like this in a photograph? Clearly they have just transformed back into human form, and have yet to locate their clothing and their friend on the horse has given them blankets to cover up.

So what of the Sasquatch head?

Well, clearly it’s a fake. Werewolves and Bigfoots lived in harmony. Everyone knows that. Sure sometimes they would argue over a favorite cave or tree. But they could usually work it out, bonding over Abominable Snowman jokes. Like, what do you get if you cross an Abominable Snowman with a Vampire? (Answer = frostbite.) Because at the end of the day, the Werewolves would transform back to Aboriginal form and leave the Bigfoot alone.

Furthermore, most historians now agree it was the feet that paid the bounty, not the head at all. Otherwise every hirsute human with a big bushy face would be in danger. Remember, this was in the days of the straight razor, way before my Mach VI and almost any man could be mistaken for a bigfoot on a bad day. Officials learned their lesson and paid for the feet – 5 cents a pair.

So on behalf of SOS, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of my aboriginal friends. We know that you, as responsible werewolves, had nothing to do with the eradication of sasquatch depicted in this photo.

Hey Zombie Breath!

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) This is possibly the most disturbing product on the market since the Chinese cannibal pills last spring.

Another SOS truer-than-true story in progress….

Disturbing product for placating zombies

So there I am stocking up on supplies at my favorite supernatural supplies store. You know, just for the usual: muffins, crispy barbeque cricket larvae, Spray Nine and bottles of oxygen water so I can stay underwater without breathing, when surplise! There’s a can of so-called “Zombie Mints” right there on the shelf beside everything else.

My first thought of course was – well good. Finally a product to deal with zombie breath. That whiff of decay that almost kills you even before they try to sink their yellow teeth into your skull. That supernatural stench that almost makes you wish you could join them just so you wouldn’t have to smell them anymore.

But that was before I read the fine print on the back label. The photo didn’t turn out so I’ll just tell you about it. The ingredients lists, “real and simulated brain flavor.” (Along with a surprising amount of sugar for a candy that targets beings with no functioning taste buds. But I digress.) It reads, *REAL AND SIMULATED BRAIN FLAVOR???

I know, I know. I get it. Only real brain flavor will distract the real zombies long enough for you to get away. You just toss a few of them on the ground, then run.

But where exactly are they getting the real brain batter here? Donations? 3D printers? Willy Wonka? Tiny mint-sized holes in humans heads while they sleep?

I hope to get to the bottom of this ASAP but until the company replies to my email, survivors are advised to please use this product at your discretion.

Meet the Real Mothra

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Leaping Lepidopterae! Did you see the news today –> MOTHRA is on the way!

The good news is, I can finally stop having nightmares about Godzilla. The bad news is, there may be more than one. Many, many more.

Was Mothra a prophetic warning for the 21st Century?

An SOS 99.98% truer-than-true story in progress…

Japanese research reveals butterflies mutating

Here’s the facts. Scientists have found that radioactive fallout from the nuclear disaster at Fukushima has resulted in severe mutations to the butterflies.

Researchers collected 121 butterflies from Fukushima and found the majority of them had mutated legs, antennae and wings. They fear this is just the beginning as the results seem to be amplified with every new generation… 

The mutant butterfly news came as a surprise to scientists who believed butterflies and other insects to be immune to the effects of radiation.

The mutant butterfly news did not come as a surprise, however,  to anyone who has ever seen a MOTHRA movie.

Remember Mothra? Radioactive mutant moth deity, friend of fairies, defeater of Godzilla and defender of the earth? She has stickier silk than Spiderman, laser beams that shoot out from her antennae and sticky poison powder.

When the average radioactive butterfly lives a few weeks and the mutations are amplified every generation, how long will it be before we see the real Mothra?

Speculation around the world today, is the story of Mothra may have been created by one or possibly an entire team of time travelers on a mission to educate us and help us prepare for the 21st Century.

And survivologists including me are scrambling to find old copies of Mothra films so we can be prepared. So far in my opinion, the first step is to confirm the hieroglyphic symbol that is said to summon her.

Until then, try to remember that Mothra was generally pro-co-survival of the species. She is the only monster to defeat Godzilla more than once. She even protected the earth from Alien Godzilla. Sure she trapped a few cars and planes with her cocoons and started a few buildings on fire, but it was mostly in defense of humanity.

She also fought other radioactive monsters, which is good news if like me, you are still worried about the Radioactive Wolfman of Chernobyl.

Did This Man Bring Down UFO?

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(SOS/ASAP/WTF) A controversial former UFO denier is finally coming clean. This retired Air Force Colonel, Richard French, finally admits his involvement in shooting down a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico.

But many aliens, including offended UFO pilots, are shooting down his story.

Man confesses to bringing down Roswell UFO with EMP. But is he talking trash? 

To summarize: Richard French said he was undergoing a test for the air force way back in 1947 when not one but two UFOs were spotted, within a few days of each other in Roswell, New Mexico. The first UFO was shot down by an experimental EMP weapon and a couple of days later, he says, another alien ship came around looking for the first one and also crashed.

Humans making fun of alien pilots?

French isn’t sure how the second UFO crashed, if it was also shot down or if it just experienced technical difficulties – but he is pretty sure why:

“We think that the reason they were in there at that time was to try and recover parts and any survivors of the first crash. I’m [referring to] the people from outer space — the guys whose UFO it was.”

Colonel French recalls seeing in photos that pieces of the downed ship had Arabic-style writing on it that looked like numbers.

Years later, in the fifties, Colonel French became part of Project Blue Book, his job to debunk UFO stories like the ones about the UFO crashes in Roswell.

“We gave our analysis and tried to debunk it by saying it was swamp fog or that the thing they saw was actually hanging on wires.”

So why the sudden change of heart? Read on…

Many insightful aliens including several here on this site whose comments you can read below, say Richard French’s story doesn’t fly. In fact, they are very offended.

UFO Pilots Association calls story provocative propaganda.

“What self-respecting UFO pilot – let alone TWO UFO pilots – could successfully navigate through space to this tiny, little blue planet, only to fall victim to scary 1940’s human technology. Think about it. We’re talking vacuum tubes and pocket calculators as big as gymnasiums. If I didn’t know better, I would say the humans are taunting us, trying to start a fight,” says one UFO Pilot.

As you will see in the comments below, his sentiments are clearly echoed by many survivors here. Is this retired Colonel talking trash in an effort to start that intergalactic war the economists have been asking for?

If so, he may have hit pay dirt on this one. Aliens are clearly irritated by this propaganda. There’s been a sudden and unexplained global onslaught of alien activity. Survival is currently over-run with reports from survivors are trickling in from around the globe.

My Lupine Life by Louis Pine

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Lest your face be turning blue holding your breath – or even if it isn’t – they’re finally here! All 13 episodes of “My Lupine Life” By Louis Pine, proving yet again that once in a blue moon Graham and I can actually get our act together. Sort of.

Quick re-cap for those of you who missed it. Last summer, a survivor and suspected lycanthrope named Louis Pine contacted SOS for supernatural help and advice. Many of you pitched in and then I took to the road to meet him, the longest pizza delivery in history. These videos are the result…

“My Lupine Life” By Louis Pine

My name is Louis Pine and I think I’m a genetic werewolf on my dad’s side. Unfortunately nobody believes me. That’s why I made these videos, to prove it.

Play all 13 episodes in order! (this Playlist only works on a Mac or PC. If you have an iPad, iPod Touch or iPhone then please watch individual episodes below)

Episode 01 – Crib Notes:
After a hard day of lycanthropy testing, Mauricio and I go check out an old werewolf crib in the woods.

Episode 02 – Were’s Mauricio?:
Looks like I’m not the only lycanthrope here. All I’m saying is Mauricio should not have wandered off alone.

Episode 03 – Werewolf Intervention:
It’s an old fashioned werewolf intervention, complete with colloidal silver (I made it myself) and sterile bandages. Unfortunately my neighbor Sydney wants to help.

Episode 04 – The First 48:
Acquired or bitten lycanthropy can be cured in the first 48 hours post-bite, any genetic lycanthrope knows that. Now if I can just convince Mauricio before it’s too late.

Episode 05 – Stage Two:
Great. Mauricio’s still mad at me even though I cured him and now Sydney wants to be my keeper. What next? Oh yeah, the full moon is coming…

Episode 06 – Cribbing:
Full moon fever, Part I.

Episode 07 – Keep On Keeping On:
Hey! It’s that guy from the Internet, Seth On Survival. Turns out he was reading my messages too.**

**Uh yeah Louis, think the email seth@sethonsurvival might have been a clue?

Episode 08 – Were Dad?
My mom is pretty mad at me for staying out all night.

Episode 09 – Uncle Lincoln
My mom called in my dad’s identical twin brother Uncle Lincoln to straighten me out. Yeesh. What is that thing he gave me????

Episode 10 – The Cure
Well it’s official. The results are in and I am cured.

Episode 11 – Dragon Moon Part I
Did I tell you there’s no such thing as a Dragon Moon? See for yourself.

Episode 12 – Dragon Moon Part II
AAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfgggggghhhhhfffff. Nuff said.

Episode 13 – Dragon Moon Part III
Is that really me? And what happened to Sydney?

That’s all the videos that I’ve got right now. Thanks to Louis for contacting survival with his story and for sharing the result.

And big thanks to everyone here who just keeps on creeping on with SOS, offering your help and advice and your awesome stories. You make survival possible. Thank you.

Seth