Archives for May 2010
Good news Survivors, the Seth On Survival theme song, “Wheelchair Werewolf” by the Tijuana Bibles, is now available for download on iTunes.
It’s a great song not just because it’s the theme song behind the Zombie Month webisodes – I liked it so much that I made an extra long intro for it – but because of its timely and important subject matter. Handicapped werewolves. The Were-Amps. Those unfortunate lycanthropes who wake up alone in the woods, desperate to recall, alright who gnawed off my leg this time? Only to realize, Oh yeah, it was me. And then, Crap. Oh well. Those proud and stumpy warriors who fight on! And on. And on.
Yes “Wheelchair Werewolf” is an anthem for limpy lycans everywhere.
Only a real werewolf could howl it out like a Wheelchair Werewolf and I think it’s safe to reveal it here now that the Tijuana Bibles are the real deal. They have lived the life lycanthropic and survived – barely – so far. That’s why a portion of every sale of “Wheelchair Werewolf” will go to help Were-Amps everywhere in their ongoing wolf-trap awareness campaign. (Yeah sorry about that guys – it was nothing personal.)
And probably the least I can do, considering my ongoing wolf-trap improvement project. Tune in for that soon. Well not too soon. Survival is a process afterall, not a race.
Our thoughts go out to Wilwolf today, still MIA after tracking the sticky-fingered A-51 Agents who lifted an unauthorized specimen from his lair. Current best-worst scenario modelling reveals that WW may be dead or undead or just dead lost while at worst he may be held captive and undergoing torturous experiments even as we speak. As many of you already know, Graham and I are hard at work now on a secret device we can all use to help in situations like this. But until it’s ready, it may be worth reviewing a few basic secrets of safe surveillance –
1) Wear sunglasses and a ball cap. And a helmet if you’re on your bike or skateboard, of course that goes without saying. A squeegee is optional. But if you’re driving, make sure your car has a back seat, so you can sit in it, virtually unnoticed, most anywhere. I like the older mini-vans, like the Caravans, as they are more nimble and blend in better than newer ones. Although conspicuous rust patterns are dead giveaway, you’ll want to cover those up with a magnetic sign. Preferably one that doesn’t say “ACME.”
2) Leave a car-length between you as a buffer in slower areas – no more, no less. There are too many stoplights, stop signs and traffic in the city, making it easy lose the tail but also easy for them to spot you.
3) When the agent pulls over to stop, it’s imperative you continue past, turn into an empty driveway as if you belong there. Don’t lose sight of person.
4) Take detailed notes via voice recorder on your personal device or using pen and paper. Write date/times, make & plate of any vehicles there, any vehicle movement, anyone showing up, etc. Good notes are crucial to help you remember important details and for evidence later. Remember, some details that may not seem relevant at the time, may turn out to be crucial later. On example we have seen of this recently is sleeve length which turns out to be a measure of agent rank. That said, you don’t want to be caught writing. So if you’re NOT voice recording on your personal device, you’ll want to write sneakily.
5) If you are using a voice recorder, please consider sending us the file to share with everybody. This could be very instructive to everybody involved. If you don’t have a voice recording app on your device, you can skype into “sethonsurvival” and record your notes in real time after the beep.
6) Accurately estimating the height of an individual can be difficult – that’s why those height charts are on doors of convenience stores. You can get a good idea by comparing the individual’s height to that of any vehicle that they get into or out of. This will become easier with practice.
7) Stake-outs can run several hours and occur in non-optimal situations i.e. no gas station nearby, so keep a roll of toilet paper and a chocolate bar with you at all times. Preferably one with nuts. That said, please don’t get arrested relieving yourself or littering in somebody’s flower bed.
(Although at the end of the day, we can only all hope this is what has happened to Wilwolf.)
Cuidado survivors. Surveillance is sometimes necessary and often kinda fun but above all, achtung!
Thanks everyone for your concern and best wishes for my continued survival. Just to let you know that I have in fact survived again, 94 percent intact. There’s a little issue with my shoulder and I may have put my back out – but allow me to explain.
As you probably know, a very dangerous situations arose with Shewolf, Werewolf king and Area 51 and Phoenix reported some disturbing news about Area 51 and the site and the Monstrometer. These situations threatened the survival of all of us and so it was time for action. When its action time, Graham and I, we know what to do. After a little light stretching, we head straight to our computer chairs. And our computers.
Using our computer hacking skills and a little secret which I cannot describe here for obvious reasons, we were was able to erase the evidence on Werewolf king and Shewolf. So you are safe… ish… for now. Ish.
There may however be some agents who saw the evidence before it was erased and no guarantee about the existence of backups somewhere – so you don’t need me to say be careful. Remain vigilant. This is not a get out of jail free card. I may not be able to talk Graham into helping me do this again in the future and their security may be better next time too.
Also we sent out a special program that not only partially disables the Monstrometer installed on Area 51 devices but also redirects them to a mirror version of the site that does not have any of your posts on it or any information about you so there is another bullet dodged… for now. To make this a bit more permanent a new version of the Monstrometer (1.2) will be coming very soon with better security to prevent events such as this and also two new potential results, Angels and Draconians plus a few other minor improvements.
Apart from that, you can expect a secret prototype tool soon-ish. I can’t give details yet but we are hard at work on a new device that will virtually guarantee your safety in the fight against Area 51.*
In any case there are more threats out there than Area 51 so I would like to remind you all to make sure that you do not post any personal details about yourself online (on the SOS web site or anywhere else) that can be used to track you down in real life. So please don’t post your full name, age, or where you live for your own protection.
Thanks again for all the good wishes and keep on keeping on.
P.S. You’re welcome! 😉
* some restrictions apply