Hail Survivors!
I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.
Here is the story in his own words from his first email: “Zombies everywhere! Man I’m not joking they ate my mom and dad and they just huddle and chew and moan! It’s terrible! My axe is on the other side of the house but be warned a real zombie virus is spreading!”
I was very concerned for his safety but when I read his second email I was even more concerned: “peoauuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
uuuuuuwuuuuuu
uuuuuuuuuuupp
ppppppppp i come for uu wahem leasst exppppet ffoiolll”
“sorry one of the zombies was typing but i killed it and the ones infested be careful this is no joke, i got the axe but it broke so now i have hedge clippers… warn everyone! theyre coming from texas… theres a picture attached of a zombie that came in… trust me… the police dont believe me… the zombies dont leave the street…”
Will this latest zombie outbreak be contained to Texas or will this be the beginning of a major zombie apocalypse?Are the zombies taking advantage of the Leprechaun Lunacy of March to mount an offensive?
In the meantime survivors, prepare for the worst: warn your friends, family and neighbours, gather supplies, and scan your friends with the Monstrometer. And don’t let them near your computer. Judging from Miles’ experience, they seem to be learning how to use them – even if not with very good spelling.
Many thanks to Survivor Miles for his heroic efforts to warn others.
Keep on keeping on Survivor Miles!
Seth
Gird your loins and eloigne your gold, Survivors. The Leprechaun onslaught has begun. Judging by the number of reports received, this St. Patrick’s Day threatens to be the worst one in recent history. March, always a month of Leprechauny Lunacy, this year has gone over the top. For example, South Korea, not generally known as a hotbed of organized Leprechaunery, this year reveals itself the new HOMELAND of the Leprechaun Kingpin himself, a little man referred to only as “Mr. Park,” recently nabbed with over 12, 000 pair of stolen footwear. While the mainstream media laughs it off as a harmless foot fetish, follow up reports from the controversial shoe reunification program reveals the success of Mr Park’s evil ploy – thousands of shoe owners have gone MIA under mysterious circumstances, victims of Leprechaun enchant.