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Archives for September 2009

Mummies

By 90 Comments

Breaking Mummy News: Mummy Resurrection Alert

More Breaking Mummy News: Secret Society Tries to Trap Mummy Missing From Great Pyramid

Both mysterious and deadly, the mummy is often categorized as a zombie with a heart and who can argue with that? Mummies are after all, a kind of a reanimated human who shambles after you, trailing dirty rags and strings of goo.

But there’s one vitally important – or should I say mortally important – difference between mummies and zombies. Mummies as you probably know, were not created by a biological process but a mystical one. In fact, while websites and museums, movies and games all compete to describe the process of mummification: the washing, the removing of all vital organs except for the heart, the long process of wrapping and desiccation – none of them will tell you what you most need to know about mummies. Namely how to survive an encounter with one. Or worse, what to do if you wake up and you ARE one!

While I have yet to encounter one outside of a museum setting but it’s something I think about a lot lately. Ever since Sam told me some crazy story about mummies… something about the Egyptian goddess Isis who invented mummification to reanimate her murdered husband Osiris, who came back to life eternally pissed-off at his brother whose name apparently was, ah, Seth….!

Needless to say, I’m working on this one. And if your name happens to be Seth too, then I would urge you to vote for adding mummies to the Monstrometer. And if you are a mummy? er, IT WASN’T ME!

Shapeshifters

By 349 Comments

Oh those very, very scary therianthropes! Should they have their own category? After all, werewolves technically are shape shifters as are draconians, druids and some accomplished witches or sorcerers as well. Granted nobody else transforms into inanimate objects like tables and helicopters and flowers and spoons like a shifter. Those shiftless shifters can’t even pick a state of matter!  So why should we bother?

In a word: QUEST. On the site. The mysterious commenter. Every few months a mysterious post appears by a certain commenter named QUEST describing acts of incredible mayhem and a sign left in the wake of it that reads,  “Shifterz were here.”

Judging by the signs, there may be more shape-shifters than every before. They could be all around you right now. Or possibly you ARE one… do you find it hard to maintain a molecular structure? Then vote for the shifters!

Demigods

By 967 Comments

Demi rhymes with semi and hemi and like all those X-emis it means, “half.”  Ergo, a demigod is half god. As a result of this half-and-half status, demigods usually have some extraordinary godlike powers but always combined with an equal number of extraordinary human weaknesses. A common example of this? Lightning fast reflexes combined with ADHD.  Or like Achilles, you may be invulnerable to bullets everywhere except for your heel, which if attacked can instantly kill you.  Or like Samson, super-strong until somebody cuts off your hair.

And that’s the easiest part of this definition, because nobody can agree on the rest. Like, where do demigods really come from? I won’t go into detail about it here but as you probably already suspect, this debate is about biology vs. environment again. Are gods and goddesses really prone to periodic acts of love with mortals, with lil’ demigodlings the genetic result? Could your real mom or dad be a god or a goddess? Or can any creature appeal to any god or goddess for the gift or loan of god-like powers therefore be elevated to the status of demigod, either temporarily or permanently?

Whatever the case, it’s prudent to identify them – or to know if YOU could be one!

Time Travellers

By 519 Comments

YOU MAY BE DEALING WITH A TIME TRAVELLER

I know. I know! We are all time travellers. As Graham likes to remind me, I am travelling through time at this very moment – one way, very slowly, into the future…

See? That was me, back there in time. Now I’m here. Pretty cool huh?

No, not really! So how is a “time traveller” a monster? Well let’s not spend all day parsing the definition of the latin word, “MONSTRUM.” (Don’t get me wrong,  I would like to spend all day parsing the definition of monstrum. Take for instance the word de-monstrate. Does it really mean “to un-monster?” Then how about can anyone justify “re-monstrating?”)

But I digress. Point is that some time travellers will wreak havoc trying to prevent people being born, picking on girls named Sarah Connor and hogging all the lottery winnings not to mention stepping on poor little butterflies just to see the effect. While other time travellers are just innocently busy preventing or ensuring future events or just enjoying a historical vacation. Either way, it’s good to know before a time line gets too loopy and somebody doesn’t get born!

*** UPDATE – Cole’s Notes Reveal Time Transit System – Click here for more details: http://sethonsurvival.com/?p=2184 ***

Fairies

By 286 Comments

Beyond the tooth collecting, godmotherly wish-granting variety, there’s the ugly-beautiful truth about fairies or faeries, as they are sometimes spelled.

Fairies can slip into and out of a realm or a dimension, if you prefer, that runs parallel to our own. This faery realm is NOT one you will see advertised at  your local inter-dimensional travel agency.  The real faery realm appears perennially stuck in a medieval state of magical, monarchical governance at perpetual war with itself,  North vs. South, summer vs. winter.  It’s a dangerous place where other-dimensional beings are generally taken in only as slaves.

As a result, some of the younger fairies like to escape into our realm, which they refer to as something like “Middle Realm,” or by the number three. They come here on fairy vacation, mainly to party and play games. In fact if you have played with a deck of cards lately, you already know something about this. It’s faeries who first introduced playing cards to us, long ago.

Now I like playing cards too but don’t be fooled by a game of “Fish.” Faery games are NOT all that fun. True, some fairies still play, “Who Can Collect The Most Kids’ Teeth?” – which we all know IS a lot of fun because they leave money! But other games they like to play include,  “Who Can Cause the Biggest Fall?” “Dance Until You Drop,” and “Make Everybody Fall In Love With You!” Point is, to the fairies, good and bad, we are like dolls in their little vacay games with each other.

Further complicating matters, faeries look almost human. In fact they are very beautiful. Only on closer inspection can you see the odd shape of their eyes or the length of their bones and the extra joints in their limbs. Or the fact they can’t quite manage to lift many objects in our realm due to the content of iron in them.

On the plus side, fairies are very loyal and if a fairy befriends you? They will be your friend forever and possibly help you find lost objects and good parking spots. Even so, you must never let down your guard 100% and above all never agree to return to Fairyland, no matter what.

For more info about different kinds of fairies, please check out the comments below where many real fairies have stopped by to tell their stories.

Other (please specify in comments)

By 531 Comments

The Others are a very scary beings. Once you know where you end and somebody else begins, you necessarily become aware of Others. If Others won’t go away or leave you alone, at least you can identify them and hope to survive in spite of them.

Please describe your Other below so I know we’re talking about the same Other and not some other Other. Or his brother.