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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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Have You Entered A Parallel Universe?

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP
Three Signs From Science

Vibrating this week, the world of physics on a new theory of Many Intersecting Worlds, which is just like it sounds, namely the probability that many worlds could be colliding with the one you know as reality, at all times.

Previous to this, many physicists entertained the possibility of worlds existing

Many Worlds Intersect Our Own

Many Worlds Intersect Our Own

parallel to each other but it was thought they never interacted with each other. Now thanks to new research done in part by a physicist named Howard Wiseman in Brisbane, Australia, they are beginning to admit the possibility that many worlds could be exerting unknown forces on each other simultaneously.

As Wiseman said: “The idea of [human] interactions with other universes is no longer pure fantasy.”

Here at SOS we’ve known for years that Many Intersecting Worlds or MIWs are not just possible but in fact very likely. And dangerous! We’ve all woken up on the wrong side of the bed to discover there is in fact, no bed.

But new this week is some signs from science itself to help us think about the possibility that we may have inadvertently ended up in an alternate dimension.

So how can you tell if you’ve taken a wrong fork and ended up in an alternate reality? Let’s see what a Wiseman says that might help:

“In MIWs, all possibilities are realized, says Wiseman. “In some universes the dinosaur-killing asteroid missed Earth. In others, Australia was colonised by the Portuguese.”

So, three questions to ask yourself are:

1. Have You Made A Life-Changing Decision Lately? 

When all possible worlds intellect, taking a major life decision could trigger or indeed create possible intersections of opposite possibilities to each other. Should you find yourself in a world on the other side both familiar and yet completely the opposite of what you intended, this could be an indication you have inadvertently stepped into its opposite world.

You need to recall the possibility you faced and the life decision that brought you to this point to find out where you took a wrong step.

Which leads me to:

2. Is This World The Opposite of What You Intended?

Opposite worlds are paradoxically nearest to each other while simultaneously exerting a strong repulsive force to each other, says Wiseman. This opens the possibility of each major decision you make actually presenting the opposite path!

So don’t get sucked into a repulsive opposite world! Your first steps immediately following any life decision should be taken very, very carefully lest you find yourself inadvertently on the opposite world path. Know your true intentions! Check carefully to make sure you aren’t secretly fostering an opposite intention.In fact, better yet,

3. Look Before You Leap

Knowing now the danger of an opposite intention world of your intention that will unfold right beside your true path might enable you to see down it before you take those all important first steps.

Until scientists can work the exact math that will enable us to do this on our devices, don’t let that stop you from trying to see where that opposite world path may be lying in wait. Preferably before you find yourself riding off into the polar ice on a dingo or stuck on a mountain top when you were just trying to get to that party you didn’t really want to attend.

So stay alert to all possibilities survivor, and you’ll keep on keeping on out there, on whichever path you find yourself.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning - The Monstrometer Report

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute - actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivor of the Month Returns With Super Moon and New Video

With another super moon on the wane, its official SOS appears to have super survived the dread Dog Days once again.

Who will it be?

Who will it be?

If you’re reading this then you have likely super survived with us and if so then congratulations.

Now survival is its own reward, I always sometimes say, it’s all you really need to keep on keeping on – but I’m happy to report this full moon has also brought a new  Survivor of the Month and would you believe it? A new Monstromter Report.

Look for more news about that here tonight by midnight EST.

(-ish. I’m still uploading…)

Thanks to everyone who super survives supernaturally here at SOS.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

Who is the New Survivor of the Month? 3 Super Clues

The new SoTM is…

1. Human. But for how long?

2. An expert in kinds of transformation dust if not where to locate them.

In particular once served up a valuable warning about the dangers of Star Dust which I found especially helpful. 

3. Best friends with a draconian with sapphire blue scales.

Enough clues for some to guess already, I think. If not, stay tuned with me while I upload a Monstrometer Video on a completely unrelated but still very important issue…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

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by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Up Helly Aa Ach Me! SOS ALERT

VIKINGS AND DEMONS IN SCOTLAND

As the east coast prepares for the storm of the century, consider Scotland this week, where places like Shetland prepare for a storm of Vikings with a side squall of possible demons, all invoked by a secretive ceremonial fire known as Up Helly Aa.

Yes, Up Helly Aa burns through Scotland and elsewhere around the world tomorrow night as hundreds of Vikings turn up with torches for a fire march that burns to the center of town.

Scotland Up Helly Aa

Scotland Up Helly Aalong enough to light pitch fires along their way.

The fire march ends at a ghostly Viking Longboat, at which the Viking leaders invoke a ceremonial song before placing several secret items in the bottom of it and setting it all ablaze.

These items placed in the boat to be burned remain a closely guarded secret and a source of much supernatural debate. Certain supernatural survivologists believe these could be ancient objects likely to activate underworld denizens, certain ghost, demons and even maybe fallen angels.

By certain survivologists I of course mean me, Seth G. the sixth seventh most popular and first most reliable SOS agent on the Interwebs.

Oh I’m not saying these vexatious Vikings will deliberately raise a storm of ghosts, demons and fallen angels. Just that a storm of ghosts, demons and fallen angels will be the inevitable result, as these underworlders and possibly others seize the a ceremonial opportunity.

There’s nothing a ghost, demon or fallen angel likes better afterall, than a secret ceremony. They’ll never waste an opportunity like this to activate a portal and grab the nearest hellevator up.

But hey that’s just me. You might not agree. And you might be a demon too. But wherever you stand on this issue, I think we can agree on one thing. Whatever it is the Jarl will burn in that boat, he will smuggle it aboard beneath his robes.

Young Vikings to Up Helly Aa!

Young Vikings to Up Helly Aa!

This could explain why the Jarl’s robes must be kept under lock and key 24-7, 365 days a year, with nobody but the Jarl permitted to access it.

Certainly a more credible excuse than the flimsy line just delivered to me by the Jarl’s wishy-washy granny.

“Oh old Earl is just fussy!” she said on the phone. “He says he’s allergic to fabric softener and don’t want me using on his robes you know but I don’t believe him. His own ma used fabric softener on his nappies!”

I don’t believe him either granny.  In fact, I’m guessing you don’t even have a granny. Hey was that really you on the phone pretending to be your own granny? Just for that, I’m ordering you a pizza right now…

And me one too. With a little PS & Pi, I may survive the storm of the century…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Angel Imposter Outed at Conclave

Priest Dons Angel Wings to Hang With Angels

A mortal man now identified as a priest has been outed for impersonating an angel at a conclave in Poland.

Priest dressed as angel in Poland.

Priest dressed as angel in Poland.

The unamed priest in this photo was snapped donning angel wings to infiltrate an annual gathering of angels in Lanckorona, Poland.

Hundreds of angels flood to this tiny ancient town annually to gather in the shadow of its ruined castle at the height of angel season, far away from the eyes of most early mortals.

But this year, a few intrepid humans including this priest were caught in a clumsy attempt to infiltrate their hosts by pinning wings on his back.

Other humans were apprehended wearing foil halos and even awkward horns to impersonate the fallen.

“I felt bad busting him but Humans need to know that getting caught by an angel in a secret meeting is a very dangerous situation. Do you know what would have happened if one of the fallen had busted him instead of me?” said the anonymous angel who contacted me by email this week.

“Not to mention it’s a bit demeaning.  I mean, really. Does he really think that we look this way?”

So today as angel season draws to a close, SOS presents our top three tips for spotting – or impersonating if you should be so bold ~ or insane~ as to attempt to infiltrate an angelic host.

Three Ways to Spot An Angel

1. Angels Don’t Photograph Very Well

They say to behold an angel in full glory would drive a mere mortal mad. For this reason, they must carefully modulate their appearance to humans and for this reason, can sometimes appear very ordinary. For the same reason, angels almost never appear in photos. Or if they do appear, it will be only faintly, awash in angelic light and hidden shadow.

Almost the only thing you may be able to discern from a photo of an angel is whether you may be dealing with one of the celestial or the fallen.

Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle

Angels gather annually at Lanckorona Castle

2. Angels Hide Their Wings

Fallen or not, angels never show their wings unnecessarily. Two very good reasons for this.

First and foremost, in angel warfare the clipping and cauterizing of your wings is a cruel and common tactic. It is the one thing angels fear most of all. An angel without wings is sidelined from their mission for an indefinite period of time and the remedy remains unknown. Shadow wings are a crude replacement and involve a dark deal with a shady underworlder type.

Second reason angels hide their wings is because, as SOS readers well know, there is a thriving trade in the traffic of angel wing feathers. Many beings including witches and vampires employ them for spells and ceremonies or just currency.

3. What’s Up Their Sleeve?

If you can, that is. Angels have difficulty hiding the manifesting powers of light and/or dark percolating in the palms of their hands. This is why they tend to wear overlong, loose fitting sleeves of a celestial weave that allows them to remain covered at all times. But a glance up their sleeves will quickly reveal the truth.

For this reason, incognito angels are not big hand shakers. Try offering to shake hands with a suspected angel and see what happens. But if you spot smoke up the sleeve, please don’t wait to find out! You could be dealing with an angry fallen angel. 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Strange Matter Discovered In Universe

IS THIS THE NATURE OF SHAPE SHIFTING?

A strange new form of matter discovered in the universe this week confirms what SOS readers have long known, there is more to heaven and earth than dreamt of in your philosophy…

Science Discovers Strange Matter

Science Discovers Strange Matter

Science has discovered a new type of matter they are calling “Strange Matter” at the heart of a neutron star.

It appears to be a liquid form of compressed subatomic particles, even more dense than dark matter.

This discovery means that ordinary matter can be squeezed so intensely that it forms an entirely new, unstudied kind of matter, confirms Dr. Pedro Moraes of Brazil who helped discover it this week.

The new form of matter is entirely unstudied and its properties still unknown, but it could just look just like ordinary matter and have the ability to form physical objects, scientists speculate.

Here at SOS we wonder could this explain the nature of shape shifters?

And if so, at the considerable risk of alienating the shiftiest survivors lurking here on the pages – on under desk or in my closet for all I know! – will they have to stop calling themselves SUPER-natural? 

Keep on keeping on to find out.

This SOS post in progress…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Samurai Sword Fight First of New Years Immortal War Deaths

Cursed Immortals Wage Sword Warfare on the Streets

Immortals be warned, once again the New Year brings news of the first immortal war death in Toronto, Canada where a samurai sword fight on a downtown street has caused the death of one and injured another.

St.JamesChurch

Yes, a very real unnamed 40 year-old was found dead by samurai sword on the street of St. James Cathedral in Toronto, Canada this week while another man found stabbed in an apartment near the scene has survived his wounds.

A sober reminder to us all that every New Year brings with it the dangers of crossing paths with those immortals cursed to be the Only One, who step up their skirmish annually at the stroke of midnight New Years Eve.

Now here at SOS I have been warning supernatural survivors for years about immortal dangers brought by the new year but in the past we have focused our efforts on mortal quest become one and perils partying with them on New Years Eve.

highlanderBut with this news report from Canada let’s look past that to recall the more immediate threat to your survival now. New Years brings with it a renewal of the fight among these immortals whose supernaturally long lifespans come with an ancient curse that There Can Be Only One.

While the source of this curse remains a source of speculation and mystery until it can be identified and remedied, you can avoid being caught in the crosshairs of their war if you can learn to identify them.

Could You Be Dealing With A Cursed Immortal ?

1. They Fight With A Sword And Go For the Head

It could be any type of sword, but in general the chosen blade will be representative of their nationality and the époque of their so-called quickening, that is, the moment of officially gaining immortal status.

You may be tempted to think this sword is the source of immortality and attempt to take it for yourself, but this is a myth. While there are legendary swords reputed to pass the power of immortality to the one who can wield it, it’s not the case of the cursed immortal whose long life remains with them even sans sword — providing they can keep their heads on their shoulders, at least

However it is true that having trained sometimes for centuries with a chosen blade, their fighting skills are firmly fixated centred on their swords. This means you can certainly throw one off his game by taking his beloved weapon away. Ancient habits are hard to break and these ancient dogs have a hard time learning new tricks.

2. They Come From Many Lands and Speak With Muddled Accents

There has never been a hundred percent accurate census of cursed immortals but anecdotal evidence indicates they come from many lands and tend to maintain certain sentimental markers of their homelands, their accents being one of these markers.

However, unlike demigods or vampires, cursed immortals have difficulty maintaining their native accents over the centuries and it becomes muddied with those of others among whom they live. Not to mention by binge watching seasons of American Dad.

3. They Still Rely on Archaic Technology

In the home of any curse immortal you will find a hidden trove of archaic technology. As the centuries pass these ancient warriors have a harder and harder time keeping up with the changes in the world around them. As a consequence, many may still be tracking the others with a papyrus map and a compass instead of a GPS and sending messages via pigeons instead of a smart phone.

Even those who have mastered the art of texting or posting selfies to Snapchat will inevitably reveal themselves by spinning a disc on a turntable or cranking up a gramophone to relax at night.

Know you who you’re dealing with Survivors and you won’t lose your head to any of these ancient antagonists.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

President Adopts Werewolf, Bogus Mermaid School & Shopaholic Robot

SOS Supernatural News This Week

Guaranteed truer than true 99.98%

After my extended trip North to investigate the brewing war for the Pole between Denmark, Canada and Russia and of course Santa Claus himself, I have returned to find a backlog of supernatural news tips and comments. Thanks to every survivor who survived with SOS over the dark season! I’ll try now to catch up, starting with a supernatural news roundup of some global events that could sound your supernatural sonar this week, starting with:

Mermaid School Meh in Montreal

Bogus Mermaids in Montreal

Bogus Mermaids in Montreald

If you are of the Mermish mind, don’t be fooled by the siren song of this so-called “Mermaid School ” open in Montreal this week.

On the school’s website the school promises to teach “all the magic of mermaids, before inviting all Sirens or Tritons to apply for their $60.00 introductory course.

Which sounds like a great deal for all the magic of mermaids – who are of course mightily magical beings – but before you shell out, better read the whole site and let the truth sink in. The real mission of this school is far more modest than magic. The only magic here turns out to be mighty abs. That’s right, it’s a fitness class for the aquatically apt.

Now I’m not against any supernatural improvement resolutions for New Year’s. Fitness is imperative to survival and I encourage any survivor to train in their chosen domain and sharpen their skills, whether it be ninja fighting, pack running or time jumping but no real mermish will be challenged by a few laps in an indoor swimming pool, even under the instruction of a real mermaid of Triton, so do yourself a favor and save your shells for that trip to Atlantis.

President Adopts Werewolf Boy

This one’s the real thing, survivors. The President of Argentina has adopted a werewolf boy to save him from turning on the first Friday after his 13th birthday.

Many SOS survivors are painfully aware of the fact some parents will stop at nothing to suppress your latent lycanthropy ~ silver-titanium braces anyone?~ but what if they put you out for adoption like these parents described here?

The President Who Adopted a Werewolf

The President Who Adopted a Werewolf

It could happen if you live in Argentina and you have 6 older brothers.

In that country a rare form of lycanthropy is believed to be inherited by only the 7th son in a family.

Tradition states this 7th son will turn into a demon werewolf on the first Friday after his 13th birthday and become a killer every full moon thereafter.

So when a 7th son was born to parents Shlomo and Nehama, they figured rather than mess with witch spells and silver baths, they would put baby Tawil up for adoption instead.

I’m sure Tawil could do fare worse than find himself adopted by the president of his country, but let this be a lesson to young lycans everywhere. Things could be worse. You could be a werewolf in Argentina.

Now let’s hope the president is not surprised when this so-called quick-fix cure fails on the first Friday after Tawil’s 13th birthday. Writing to warn her today is on my to-do list. If you are a concerned werewolf, I would urge you to do the same.

Shopaholic Robot Turns to Crime

What do you get when you give a shopaholic robot an allowance of 100 bitcoin a week?

You get a drug dealing criminal cyborg, according to reports. The robot known as the Darknet Shopper has reportedly gone rogue, and has started dealing in ecstasy and fake passports this week.

While admittedly not the crime wave I most fear most from a rogue robot, this story should sound your SOS sense. It’s a short jump from dealing in contraband drugs and cards to guns and then what? Guns don’t kill people but cyborgs with guns most certainly do.

So be on the alert Survivors. And welcome to 2015 here on SOS. Long may we keep on keeping on.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Christmas Day Santa Sightings Spot New High-Tech Sleigh

What About The Reindeer?

Santa sightings from around the world flooding NORAD’s Santa hotline today all with the same news – Santa has upgraded to an ultra high-tech sleigh that appears to missing one very obvious feature – his trusty reindeer team. What happened to Rudolph and his crew?

Sketch of Santa's New Sleigh

Sketch of Santa’s New Sleigh

A sketch of Santa’s new sleigh based on millions of calls from around the globe show the jolly old saint has pimped his ride this year, upgrading to this hybrid rocket-powered rig made of polycarbonate, guided by GPS with parking sensors and a chimney cam.

According to some reports the sleigh even features bulletproof windows, a mistletoe air freshener and cupholders for hot chocolate.

But no Rudolph or his reindeer team. What gives?

With Santa himself unavailable for comment, SOS turned to the company who claims they were contracted by Santa to build his new sleigh.

Metals4U in Britain says Saint Nick contacted them in the fall to help repair his old wooden sleigh but it was broken beyond repair.

“We just felt like Santa needed a bit of an upgrade,” says company representative Michael Ward. “We wanted to bring him into the 21st Century. But if you look closely you can see that we did in fact include a hitch for his famous reindeer team. In fact, we even included a built-in nose wiper for Rudolph’s red nose.”

If you can see this alleged hitch or spot a so-called nose wiper in this drawing then your eyes are better than mine but one thing is Christmas clear, no reindeer reported to the hotline this year and everyone wants to know why.

SOS presents three theories for your consideration:

Theory #1

With rocket boosters on his rig and a GPS to guide him, Santa no longer needs the reindeer so he cut his team lose earlier this year.

Evidence: Reports out of Russia earlier this year spotted reindeer working with organized crime in Siberia where their hooves allow them to escape the police in high-speed chases over the frozen tundra. Has Rudolph turned to a life of crime?

Theory #2

The nose wipers, a dubious feature if ever there was one, never worked quite right and instead of keeping Rudolph’s nose so bright, smacked him in the face instead and now he’s recovering from a broken nose at the North Pole, working on his compensation claim of endless cookies and milk.

Evidence: “Well it’s true that we did not test the nose wipers on actual reindeer,” Michael Ward states.

Theory #3

Rudolph and his team are working undercover this Christmas helping the Russian police bust the same criminals using reindeer to get away from the authorities.

Evidence: According to The Guardian newspaper, police in Russia began recruiting reindeer to fight crime in the deep snow when their snowmobiles failed.

 “Of course we have snowmobiles but one should understand a machine is a machine. They tend to break down and run out of gas. Reindeer are perfectly suited for this environment,” states the Yamal-Nenets police. “We have been asking for a herd of them for years.”

Knowing that he could rely on rocket power this year, did Santa send his team to help out in Russia?

Got a reindeer report? Leave it in the comments below. Maybe together we can solve this supernatural mystery.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Star or Angel On Which Will You Wish?

O Wishful Night

As the Geminids light up the night sky this week, you like me may be preparing your wish for what is arguably the wishfullest night of the wish calendar year –  December 24.

Will you wish on a star or an angel this Christmas Eve?

Get Your One Wish Ready

(And no I’m not talking about Santa Claus. Not after that nasty letter he sent me about our Krampusnacht coverage here on SOS. That guy is on my naughty list, let me tell you.)

No I’m writing about that most ancient secret of Christmas Eve, when survivors of yore would remember to tuck one wish for the coming year at the very top of the tree to see it come to light with the returning sun. That’s because a true tree wish given to your angel or star by midnight on Christmas has special powers.

If this is not among your supernatural seasonal survival tactics yet, read on and learn.

5 Tips To Make Your Tree Wish True

1. Prepare Your Tree

If you haven’t already set your seasonal tree using the SOS tried and true tips for dark season decorating, you need to get popping! As every survivor knows, your tree is the key to surviving the season with dark spirits.

I would advise you to follow the link above for a quick review but in case your finger is broken here’s the highlights – a true survivor’s tree needs to feed the spirits of the season. Altho some people go for garlands of gumballs and colorful suckers, as everyone knows I’m an advocate for more hale and hearty spirit munchies like popcorn and marshmallow strings, traditional Christmas baconsil and the occasional hanging apple or muffin. (Just don’t drape your bacon directly over the lights or things could get drippy and your spirits smelly. Smelly spirits are not nice.)

And whatever you choose, don’t skimp on the stuff. You need enough in your tree to keep the spirits up – high up – in the branches, not roaming hungrily around your home.

2. A Traditional Tree Topper

Now I’m not going to wade into the angel or star? debate.  In my book, either will work. The important factor for a true tree wish tradition is to ensure that whatever symbol you place at the top of your tree, it needs to have a hiding place inside it. That’s where the wishes go by midnight Christmas Eve, tucked inside the hidden hollow.

3. Prepare Your Wish

Trickier than it sounds. Unlike a wish fountain you can’t just toss in your lucky coin and look for a collecting leprechaun to (maybe!) honor the deal. But you also don’t need an entire wishing team like for falling stars, so that’s good news. But your wish does need to be written by hand,  by you, the wisher, on a scrap of paper or paper like substance, just big enough to fit in the handy hole in the base of your ornamental star or angel.

That’s the easy part. The hard part is choosing your wish. That’s right one wish and one wish only for the coming year. A true wish.  An important wish. Not the kind you entrust to Santa’s wish machine but the kind of wish that will help you and yours to survive and thrive in the year ahead.

So choose your wish carefully and write it down.

4. Wishing Deadline is Midnight

Wishes must be delivered to the top of the tree by midnight, Christmas Eve in your time zone. There is no known exception to this rule, short of hopping on a plane and travelling halfway around the world or backward in time.

So don’t wait, get your wish done early and on top of your tree well before the clock strikes midnight. You may need help getting it up there so make sure if you’re using a ladder that you have a reliable ladder holder. Falling off a ladder to place your wish can quickly cancel the positive effect of wishing  – not to mention the black cat threat from below which I won’t even go into today.

5. Look For The First Light

When you wake on Christmas morning, if you can tear your eyes away from the bounty beneath your tree – or the lumps of coal as the case may be – look for the first rays of the new sun to touch the top of your tree for a sign.

What will you see? What kind of sign, you ask?

Unfortunately that remains unknown. Some say your angel will stir and come to life long enough to hand off your wish to a messenger of the light. Others say the star will shine blindingly bright for a brief moment and send it up in a burst of stardust. Me, I’m not sure on account of my love of sleeping in late – which is also an important survival skill.

All I know for sure is this. In 364 days when you look back on the year that was and think about your true tree wish, you will find that it did indeed come through for you. Maybe not exactly the way that you thought it would, but close enough to be true.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

SOS Red Alert Mistletoe Drone Attacks

Missile-toe Drone Self Defense

By Baldur, just when you thought you had all your seasonal survival bases covered, from that tactically tacky sweater to ward off the dread Yule Cat to a traditional tasty tree to deal with supernaturally sad spirits, some saucy cyborg corp has to go and put the missile back into mistletoe.

Mistletoe Attack Alert

Mistletoe Attack Alert

Don’t be caught on the wrong end of this sticky payload. Prepare for attack from above.

What are you droning on about today, you ask? Exactly! I say. Drones. Drones armed with mistletoe that’s what. Survivors of a vicious mistletoe attack in San Francisco are sounding the alarm. A diner at TGI Fridays in San Francisco barely managed to escape with her face after a sneak attack by a drone like this one->>.

Like a “huge bug,” the drone attacked Georgine Benvenuto during dinner, sunk its hooks into her face and proceeded to try and reel her in.

SOS readers know well the true menace of mistletoe  The parasitic plant has been historically used as a deadly weapon by everyone from demigods to angry forest spirits, witches to cupids.

A now in cyborg warfare. Even your old mistletoe survival rules won’t help you this year. So let’s test a few new ones:

1. Jam The Signal

If you have a signal jammer app, make sure you have it handy. If you don’t have one yet, I would suggest downloading one before leaving the house for a bite. Or anything else.

Then be sure you have enough power to leave the app open and running throughout the entire meal or you may not like the dessert.

2. Wear a Hat

I’m not a fan of the tinfoil lid purely on the grounds of vanity but you could do worse when the mistletoe machine arrives at your table with its poison payload.

This year though I’m going for wool. Knit wool with metallic thread will provide more than just good insulation and prophylactic protection, I hope it will ensnare and short the hovering drone.

3. Keep Your Food Covered At All Times

I recommend ordering a takeaway container even if you plan to sit and eat. Then open the lid only wide enough to extract your next bite. This protects you and your food from any mistletoe fallout. Not to mention your fries from your girlfriend.

But seriously, you know what happens when mistletoe lands right? If not please review. You don’t want it to land on you.

4. Look for the Driver

Just who or what is driving that droid? If you can locate the force behind the attack all you have to do is take them down… then you can finish your dessert in peace.

Of course it’s one thing if the driver is some minimum wager with a joystick hired by TGI Fridays to stir things up, quite another to find yourself facing Amazon or Google. So whatever you do, don’t order ice cream.

5. Pre-emeptive Kiss

Now I know this is controversial. A lot of dangerous bacterial transfers can be attributed to this activity. You could end up a zombie or worse… dating you ex. Nonetheless it remains true that sharing a pre-emptive kiss with somebody close to you will abort a mistletoe attack.

So don’t wait for the drone at your dome, just pucker up and plant one on somebody close. Preferably somebody you like. Just make sure they aren’t chewing anything you don’t.

➥ And be sure to keep on keeping on with the latest survivor reports unfolding here on the pages of SOS.  You won’t be disappointed. For the sake of survival not to mention the first documented use of the word BALORFING alone, it’s worth it…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Supernatural Seasonal Gift Shopping? How About A Haunted Sword

You still shopping for a perfect seasonal gift for that special supernatural someone in your life? Look no further than Craigslist where this bewitching grandma is looking to unload her haunted sword.

Grandma selling haunted sword from the 1700s.

Grandma selling haunted sword from the 1700s.

The sword auction creating a supernatural storm appeared on Craigslist last week. The grandmother in question states that she purchased the haunted sword from a suspicious antiques dealer in the southern U.S. back in 1984 and now wishes to part ways with it.

But bidders beware – the curse on this sword remains largely unexplained. The details of the auction ad, which you can find here, mention only vaguely that the owner’s life has, “descended into chaos,” since the sword’s arrival in her home.

The sword is reportedly scaring her knitting group and knocking crucifixes off her walls with alarming regularity.

“My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room,” she writes. “I cannot have this cursed item in my house anymore.”

That said, the current owner was well aware that she was buying a bewitched blade.

“The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed,” she says.

But bidders beware. Even if you, like me, are always on the hunt for a sword of power, the true nature of the curse on this sword remains unknown.

Think about it. Should you really trust an old woman who meets with a so-called knitting group in a sword room? Who boasts owning over 100 swords? What kind of knitters are these anyway? I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess there are exactly 13 of them and they meet only on Fridays in the dead of the night…

“This is my only haunted sword,” the little old lady protests in her ad. But SOS readers who observe the net bag of garlic hanging beside her door will no doubt remain supernaturally suspicious.

Judging from the photo, the sword does not confer immortality – or at least not eternal youth, but could this woman be an immortal hunter? Specifically, the leader of a vampire-hunting coven?

With the darkest hours almost upon us again, the restless spirits of the season are ready to roam free. Even bidding on this sword could be hazardous to your health. And if you intend to wrap this up and put it beneath your tree, you’ll need more than a cheery yule log and a string of spirit popcorn to deal with the consequences on December 22. The dread Yule Cat will be the least of your worries.

Me, I think I’ll just keep looking beneath the birch trees for my immortal sword instead.

Alternately, you could check out another supernatural auction going on right here on the pages of SOS. Sword of Longinus anyone? 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com