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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

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Once In a Blue Moon How You Can Wish On a Blue Moon

Blue Moon July 31 Rises Bringing Important Wishing Occasion

Once in a blue moon…

As with most, if not all old sayings, this one too has ancient supernatural roots that have thankfully come to light just in time for the blue moon on July 31.

20150727-132009.jpgAs you know, the saying once in blue moon, means things that very seldom happen.

In other words, things that you wish would happen more often but don’t happen in the general business of ongoing life. The blue moon, itself a change in the usual order of business, can bring about a rare exception, just as the saying suggests.

It’s a fact that was recently brought to light here on the site  by a survivor named Ravenwillow. And further research into the matter validates her experience and reveals long tradition of wishing on the blue moon. (Just one of many tips and contributions made by survivors here on the site that keep me keeping on as a supernatural survivalist.)

Don’t let the moon set on this excellent wishing opportunity! Read on and get ready to make your own blue moon wish.

How To Wish On a Blue Moon 3 Easy Steps

1. Select Your Blue Moon Wish Wisely

Whether it’s a genie in a lamp or a leprechaun-owned wishing well this is always good advice. However in the case of a blue moon, it’s not a matter of be careful what you wish for! life-or-death.

No, in this case it’s just a matter of maximizing the blue moon potential by understanding the nature of the blue moon. As the second full moon in a single month, blue moons are rare but regular and predictable occurrences – but not in and of themselves supernatural events despite their ability to temporarily suspend the usual order of business in the world.

Your wish should reflect this. It’s not an occasion to wish for something that has never happened before. It’s an occasion to wish for something you wish would happen again.

2. Write Your Wish In Stone

Your cave wall would be an ideal place. At least that’s what the ancients did. Granted this used to be easier. If you no longer live in a cave, find a smooth rock or stone and write on it with a decent marker instead.

Just make sure your rock is big enough – or your wish small enough – to fit on the stone you select or you could end up with only half a wish, in other words a wish that almost-but-not-quite comes true. And research shows the only thing worse than not hitting that home run in the ninth inning of a tie game with loaded bases is almost-but-not-quite making that epic catch in the ninth inning of a tie game with loaded bases.

3. Bury Your Blue Moon Wish Rock

Two key words here, timing and location. 

Timing

First, the rock must be buried at the height of the blue moon. Normally this means when the moon reaches its fullest height and certainly if you suspect that you are a Blue or Silver Werewolf  you need to be aware of this. But for blue moon wishing, the key timing here is precisely midnight on the last day of the month.

What if you bury it well before midnight? While reportedly not optimal, research reveals that a before-midnight wish-rock burial is not wholly ineffective like an after-midnight wish burial. So erring on the side of caution here is not out of the question. If you can’t make a midnight date with the blue moon, better to make it before than after.

Location

Anywhere the moonlight falls will work. Now this gets tricky if it’s a cloudy night. Tricky but not not devastating. Not if you pick your location with careful observation and weather research well in advance of the blue moon.

Now I’m not saying there aren’t other valid ways to wish on the blue moon but the research suggests if you follow these three steps your wish has historically corroborated odds of coming true. We can quibble about numbers all day, whether that means 99.98 or 99.00 percent – and I freely admit to not testing my research yet –  but hey, wouldn’t this time be better spend in preparing for the blue moon instead? Nothing here involves burying a dead animal or risking your eternal soul or inviting a maliciously playful fey being into your life forever. And you don’t need a whole wishing team.  So where’s the risk?

I know I’ll have my wish ready.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Bloodstock Pay With Your Blood! Blood Raising Music Festival Romania

Pay with your blood to attend Romanian music festival bloodraiser for hungry vampires…

Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.

Buy ticket for Romanian music festival with blood.

Move over Live Aid and Hurricane Katrina, there’s a new music festival to end world hunger on the planet, and this Bloodstock is for hungry vampires!

Romanian vampires revealed their diabolical blood raiser to the world this week, the Untold Music Festival where you can pay with your blood to see acts that include headliners like Avicii and David Guetta.

They’re opening 42 blood collection centers and setting up mobile blood collection units in Bucharest for the festival starting on July 30. They even have sponsors like McDonalds and KFC on board to help revive light headed humans who donate.

“We wish to make a musical truce with humanity,” stated Irina the Impaler, great grand-daughter of infamous Vlad the Impaler whose blood thirst made history. “You have blood and you like music, so why should we hunt you? Let’s work together to eradicate vampire hunger once and for all.”

Ms. the Impaler says the Romanian vampires got their idea for their Bloodstock from Bob Geldof at the last world council.

“Just between you and me we were all like, oh there goes Bob again, reliving his pre-undead life as a big time world charity concert organizer

But the more we thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. What better medium than music to bring together the humans with blood to give and the vampires who wish to dine upon them?”

Don'tSuckThe festival is hoping for 500 healthy humans to donate blood in exchange for a ticket to attend the two-day festival and has launched an extensive promotional drive to raise awareness about the event around the globe.

And what will they do if the festival falls short of the 500 David Guetta fans it needs to end vampire hunger?

Ms the Impaler refused comment.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Siberian Sea Monster Mystery on Shore of Ancient Island

Sakhalin sea monster mystery after oil company unearths sacred artifacts.

Strange sea monster washes ashore after artefacts unearthered.

Strange sea monster washes ashore after artefacts unearthered.

When the remains of a big hairy, long-nosed sea monster washed up on the shore of Sakhalin Island last week, Russia said it was likely a dolphin.

A giant, furry, dolphin that probably flew there from India, to be exact.

“I can confidently say that this is some kind of a dolphin,” stated the government official. 

“However, it has fur. It’s unusual. Dolphins do not have any fur.”

Er, and yeah. How would it get here again? Understatement of the year Mr. Nicolay Kim. Understatement of the year.

Survivors, I ask you, does this look like a dolphin?

A furry dolphin?

A furry dolphin?

If you answered maybe, please, take a closer look here at the fur.

Does it still look like a dolphin?

I urge you to consider this.

According to Nivkh legends, Sakhalin Island is actually a giant beast sleeping on its belly.

When the beast awakens it trembles the earth causing massive earthquakes, waking other beasts around the world.

Has somebody –or something- awoken the Sakhalin beast? Has it begun calling other beasts to its side?

Before accusing me of supernatural superstitiosity on this one, consider these facts. Sakhalin has been visibly upset lately, with two massive earthquakes and dozens of smaller ones over the last six years. Ever since an oil company began digging up an astonishing number of ancient artefacts in the course of trenching its offshore pipline.

We’re talking hundreds of artefacts here,  so many that nobody is even keeping track anymore.

“The sad thing is that it feels like a rush job, with so much material coming up so quickly that they don’t know what they are looking at,” blogs one archaelogist here.

Sakhalin is steeped in history and mystery, believed by many to represent the lost intersection of at least three ancient worlds including Asia, Russia and the aboriginal Americas.

In addition, Sakhalin is known for its mystical, labyrinthine cave formations, the Vaida Caves.

Sakhalin famous for mystical Vaida caves.

Sakhalin famous for mystical Vaida caves.

So until we know more about the artefacts that have been unearthed from the belly of this beast, I would rule nothing out.

Not even giant furry dolphins flying over from India.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Town Terrorized By Tarantulas Unleashed By Spider Girl

Spider Girl Wanted By World For Questioning After Tarantulas Take Over Town

As a tide of 25,000+ tarantulas takes over an Australian community today the world seeks the so-called Spider Girl to explain why she would try to make an entire town vomit.
SophieHarrisonSpiderGirl

The town of Maningrida, Australia has reportedly been taken over by a new type of tarantula after it was first introduced to the world by this PhD student student Sophie Harrison AKA Spider Girl.

Her strange new tarantula can’t kill you but will make you vomit for an entire day.

Now the world wants to know, is Spider Girl the source of this strange new vomit-inducing vermin and if so, why would she unleash it on the world?

Maningrida is a village in Australia’s Northern Territory, home to some 2,000 aboriginal inhabitants who know well the creationary powers of their land as “the place where the Dreaming changed shape.”

So naturally they took it in stride earlier this month when University of Adelaide student Sophie Harrison produced a strange new tarantula from the bottom of a deep pit and introduced it to the world.

Now a few short weeks later after the town has reportedly been taken over by her spiders the world wants an explanation.

“Did the town offend her in some way? Did she get a bad lunch for example? Or is this just some college kid’s idea of a sick joke?” speculates one supernatural survivalist who is so not just me quoting myself yet again.

“If so, it’s pretty good. As far as sick jokes go, vomiting almost always works. And top marks for creativity and execution here. She really does look innocent in this photo.

Not to mention her PhD thesis is a virtual slam dunk at this point.”

Other, crustier but more responsible medical officials however, have issued a warning that this is no joke.

“Vomiting causes dehydration that can lead to seizures and even death.”

And the Australian government says to tell any and all supernatural tourists planning to pull a copycat gag to just stay home.

“The Dreaming soil of Maningrida is sacred to the Kunibídji people and they don’t take kindly to outsiders thinking they can just show up and use it to create new species on a whim.”

(Trust me. You don’t want to try it. They still haven’t forgiven Darwin. See what I mean?)

Survivors with any further info about the Spider Girl or how to stop her emetic arachnids before the whole world loses its lunch, please contact the site asap.

And as always, long may you keep on keeping on.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning - The Monstrometer Report

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

SOS Doppelgänger Day Danger Deja You

WHAT REALLY GOES DOWN WHEN THE DOUBLE DAY DAWNS

Whether you call them clones, evil twins or something more gangsta like doppelganger, this is the day to avoid – or do I mean face? them. Doppleganger Day is the result of a rigorous scientific calculation to determine the day of most double danger for you.  So don’t be caught on clone feet by your double dude. Be on the lookout for others who look too much like you today.*

*WARNING: REQUIRES YOU TO KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK!

While this sounds self-evident ~ easier said than done. How much do you really see yourself in that mirror afterall? I’m not just being philosophical here. That spinach between my teeth in my third video should be proof enough but did you ever show baby photos and ask a friend guess which one is you and wonder why they couldn’t?

Exactly! So today of all days, get a good hard look at yourself before you go out and stumble on your deja you.

Why? Because no matter what your doppelganger dogma, the copy around clones colliding on this day is never calming. Consider the following four fortunes:

1. One of You Must Die 

EvilTwin-sm

It goes like this. When you meet your Other, one of you must die, right there, on the spot. Without further ado, a doppleganger duel to the death must ensue, following the rules of the road. No extraneous conversation outside cap-worthy comments about how alike you really are or that you could have been friends…

2.You Will Die In 48 hours

(Full Disclosure: my personal belief.)

On the Day of the Doppleganger, any physical contact between doubles will result in a slow 48- hour death for the one whose world in which the encounter took place ie: this one.

That’s right certain death within 48 hours. “Certain,” that is unless… Unless what? Well that depends on the situation. But should you find yourself facing a 48-hours unless-death, you might want to spend the next 48 hours trying to figure that out.

On the bright side there usually IS one unless… 

Unless there isn’t.

3. Your Entire World Will End

We’re talking not just dead here. We’re talking erased from existence and all memory. So how does anyone even know about this happens? Just trust me. It’s a fact. And a nasty one at that.

4. You Go For Coffee With Someone Almost As Fascinating As You. 

Oh it sounds like a great outcome, I know. And if your doppleganger diary runs this way then lucky for you. But don’t blame me if it reads like mine….

...then he wouldn’t stop talking… and talking and talking, not even when I started pointing to my imaginary watch then signing up at FakeAngryGirlfriendTexts.com. Dude just loves to hear the sound of his own voice. I know, I know it IS a great voice….

So please Survivors, tomorrow more than ever, watch the spehelling on the site. And if you’re wondering WHY be sure and check out this helpy survival video on this timely topic here.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

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by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Leap With One Eye Open Midnight June 30

Sleeping is Leaping at Midnight On Leap Second Night

As your clock counts down to the June 30th leap second time correction a reminder here from SOS – don’t you be caught s-LEAPING at midnight.

Why is Seth leaping on sleeping, you ask? Because it’s a nice rhymey thing to say?20150619-213329.jpg

Well yes but no not just that. I’m talking about the leap second, when time will tick back one whole second, creating temporal terror with the risk of paradox and/or quantum entanglement and/or lost time travellers who may or may not be Future You CODE RED LEAPER ALERT.

Don’t you wake up trapped in an alternate timeline on July 1! Spare a second now to review some basic leap second safety rules.

Leap Second Safety

1. Don’t Fall Asleep

This obviously is the most important rule. Keep your eyes open. When the clocks tick 11:59 you might even want to stop blinking. Anything can happen and you need to be ready.

2. Feet on the Ground

Yes I mean this literally. No jumping. I know that in the past I may have encouraged survivors to take advantage of a leap second to do a little time hopping using a simple backyard trampoline for a temporal springboard.

But following a raft of reports about temporal trampoline accidents I am rolling back time on this one. I now wish to deny any evidence that being suspended in mid-air the exact moment of a leap second will enable you to time jump. That’s tight. There is no way that jumping up at the exact moment lets you jump to another leap second either in the future nor in the past. That’s just silly. So don’t even try it!!! Whatever you do, please, keep your feet on the ground.

3. Stay Away from Mirrors, Cameras and Hot Tubs

You might not think your life is that great right now – or maybe you do – but even if things are overly awesome right now for you I guarantee there’s some Other You out there who wants your timeline because theirs is worse. So don’t give them the chance to swap places with you. Stay away from devices and situations with obvious time portal potential like open mirrors, cameras and of course hot tubs.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Are You Living In a Hologram? New Research

Four Signs That You Could Be Living In A Hologram

Are you as impatient as I am for the final results of the Fermilab Holometer experiments to tell you definitively, once and for all, if you or I, or indeed many or ALL of us, are really just two dimensional holograms in a holographic reality?

Who's Living In a Hologram?

Who’s Living In a Hologram?

If so then good news! No need to wait any longer because SOS can enlighten you today.

See, you really don’t need a fancy particle accelerator lab and a bunch of million dollar mirrors like the physicists at Fermilab  to detect the holographic noise of the universe.

(Although if you do have them handy, you might want to whip up your own Home Holometer just for fun to scan others. But the aren’t strictly necessary.)

No, all you really need to shed some light on the matter is the following helpy quiz.

Signs You Are Living In A Hologram

1. Are You Surrounded By Mirrors?

You probably thought the place was decorated by a vain person. Or maybe you never even noticed all those strategically placed reflective surfaces before but now they seem to follow you everywhere. Go ahead and try to escape the reflections now… just to see what happens. If you can’t escape them there’s a good chance it’s part of the whole virtual production package that includes you.

2. Does the world shift and change around you?

You might have blamed it on your eyesight, thought you needed new glasses, or maybe you thought the weather was always foggy where you live, but if you start to notice the scenery shifting and focusing around you as you move, it’s more likely a result of lag time. To test this one, try unexpectedly changing your speed and/or height as you move through the environment and see what happens. Is the refresh rate keeping time with you?

3. Flickering Lights

Are your eyes always bothered by flickering light sources? Holographic productions require two or more flickering light sources to create a projection.

4. Notice a hum or a high pitch whine

That’s probably just the machine that makes you the ghost inside it. Too many crushed Doritos or dust bunnies in the hardware – it probably just needs a can of compressed air. Your forecast calls for an unexpected wind storm. Unless the creator is AFK, in which case expect a severe heat wave as the noise gets worse.

Those are the signs, Survivors. Don’t wait for the physicists to tell you their findings in August, start taking your own notes now and remember, even if there is no spoon, the steak still tastes delicious… 

Keep on keeping on!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

New Lunar Camping Gear for Your Next Trip to the Moon

LUNAR CAMPING SAFETY TIPS

Good news just in time for space tourism season, there’s new lunar camping gear available for your next holiday on the moon.

Like many survivors disenchanted with Lunarville overcrowding and pirate pricing, this news of a lunar safe, inflatable tent courtesy of Massachusetts Institute of Technology can’t come soon enough.

For your next camping trip to the moon.

For your next camping trip to the moon.

Moon city merchants could charge an astronomical amount for a crappy coffin-size bed on the dark side of the rock with measly half-rations of Soylent and Tang. After all, Lunarville had a safe haven monopoly that couldn’t be beat. With no reliable lunar camping gear on the market, you could only venture as far away from it as your rover could travel safely in a couple of hours.

Thankfully MIT’s new camping gear should turn this into a tacky souvenir T-shirt from the bad old days of space tourism. The new lunar habitat tents from MIT are portable, inflatable, with an alien-tested airlock made of silicone-coated Vectran. Not to mention available in two stylish camo colors: ash grey and dun green.

But wait. Before you rush off to click on that shopping cart, be sure and read the following safe lunar camping tips.

Tips For Safe Lunar Camping

Practice rolling out your new tent before you leave.

Practice rolling out your new tent before you leave.

 1. Unpack it before you pack it

If you can’t deploy and inflate it, the lunar tent is a lot less effective. Not to mention uncomfortable. Make sure to practice rolling it out on a rocky surface and inflating/deflating the support tubes several times on earth before you hit the skies.

Iceland is an ideal location for this kind of dress rehearsal as long as the elves don’t interfere.

2. Test the airlock

Once your tent is fully inflated you need to test the airlock under simulated lunar conditions ie: in full space suit.

To do this, you will need to put on your space suit and go inside. Zip the entry membrane and wait for it to fill with oxygen before taking off your space suit. Triple check all meters for false readings before you relax.

3. Plan a sunny route

At any given time, the dark side of the moon is varies with its cycle. Important for you to know because your tent and its life support systems are solar powered so you will need to chart your camping trip accordingly.

Remember that one sunrise-sunset cycle on the moon is 29.5 days long — an entire Earth month so you may want to bring both a backup battery and a good sleep mask for longer trips.

4. Arm Yourself Against Space Pirates. 

Space tourism season brings them out and while your new lunar tent will keep out 99.98% of predatory aliens, there is no protection against space pirates.

Another story in the news today is proof of that. Did Martian pirates hijack the Philae space rover?

We’re looking into these allegations and more now here at SOS. Until then, happy lunar camping, Survivors, long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Future You Foiling Your Plans for the Present? New Research From Physics

If you’re having a weird day, blame Future You for messing with your past says physics 

Physics news today, if you’re having a really weird day you have only yourself to blame cause it’s probably your future self “fixing” your past who is messing up your present.

You may have heard this. Australian physicists have proved that the behaviour of subatomic particles – aka: the smallest building blocks of everything including you and me  – can only be measured and observed from the future.

Physics says Future You could foil your present plans.

Physics says Future You could foil your present plans.

“Until then, reality does not exist,” reports lead researcher Andrew Truscott.

The effect on us now is clear.  This moment of unexplained weirdness brought to you by your future self, who is tinkering with the timelines of your shared past.

Or is it…? In a big weird world just how will you know for sure if the one weirding up your weekend is actually Future You – or somebody else?

An excellent question, Seth. Thank you Seth. While there are no absolute answers at present, in the future we should be able to make a more informed assessment in the past.

However that will be too late. So let’s just go with a few simple guidelines for now.

Is It Future You Futzing Your Day?

 1. It was always X, but now it’s Y

You knew it was red when you got it but maybe you hate red. You wished it could be blue but it was a sale so you bought it anyway. And now here on the big day you needed it, suddenly it’s blue… What’s happening to you? Are you going insane?

Probably. At least until you realize that your meddling future self is making unexpected changes in your past.

2. You find weird notes to yourself

They pop up in your shoe or on your phone and you don’t remember writing them. Notes like, Don’t trust her! Or, Buy lottery ticket with these numbers. Or, Stop staring at your screen while you walk you’re going to d…

Clearly Future You is trying to communicate. But should you listen to your future self and do what they tell you? Always listen to Future You and do what they…

Unfortunately if the physicists are right, there is no way to negotiate with your future self. At least not at present. And even if there is a way, see note below, #4. Fights with Future You can end very badly.

3.  Your key doesn’t fit in the lock. 

You go to open the door but your key no longer works and the combination is changed. Do you even live here?

The answer is no. Not anymore. And the person who lives there now just called the cops because there’s a stranger trying to get into their house. You can thank your future self. Just as soon as you figure out where you actually live now…

4. Is that me or somebody who looks like me?

You catch a glimpse of yourself in a glass or a window or maybe in the rearview mirror of a car. Except it’s not you. Not exactly. Not right now. You shaved this morning. Or maybe you didn’t. Are your sunglasses on your face? No? Then why do they appear in the…

This deja vu brought to you from Future You. It’s unclear at this time if Future You can actually appear in person, time travel style, or just through a temporal-spatial gate, but in any event do not approach and above all DO NOT MISTAKE FUTURE YOU FOR YOUR EVIL TWIN. That’s how you wind up killing both of you.

On a somewhat related note, does this explain the new Void Key battles here on SOS? 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Human Cyborgs Infiltrate DARPA Robot Competition

DARPA Robot Challenge finalists accuse USA and Germany of cheating with human cyborg ringers to take advantage of the emphasis this year on tasks best suited to humanoids.

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“We demand Vigor and Trooper remove their masks and submit to DNA testing immediately,” states the coalition of Asian teams led by Japan and South Korea.

“These entries are very clearly prosthetically enhanced construction workers.”

But team USA claims the accusations are nothing more than professional jealousy.

“The accusations are absurd,” stated Vigor, clearly munching on a hotdog behind his visor. “Old Simian’s just mad cuz he doesn’t have a head.

“Besides, my last job was in a care home for senior citizens.”

“You going to eat that?” he added indicating my untouched hotdog. “Sawing through all of these rocks and chucking them is really hard work even with my awesome new exoskeleton.”

With 3.5 million in prize money at stake – not to mention a daily lunch buffet – the price of being eliminated from the competition couldn’t be higher.

Watch the competition online today and decide for yourself!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Enraged Elves in Iceland Battle Mayor Who Broke Their Church

Lava elves bitter battle with town continues after mayor agrees to move their church and then breaks it instead…

Lava Elves in Iceland take up arms again this week after the humans who agreed to move their church away from a proposed road project broke the structure in half instead.

Movers broke the church.

Movers broke this elf church.

“When we agreed to let the humans move it naturally we assumed they meant to move it in one piece! What do you do with half a church?” said enraged elf activist Fróðu, author of inspirational books that include Be Your Best Elf-Or Else“When we agreed to let the humans move it naturally we assumed they meant to move it in one piece! What are we supposed to do with half a church?”

The church, known as Ófeigskirkja was located in the Gálgahraun lava field, about ten minutes outside Rykjavik, smack in the middle of a proposed route to the town of Alftanes.

After eight years of fighting the proposed road development, the Lava Elves finally agreed to allow the relocation of their church in exchange for a lucrative relocation package that includes protection for the environment, a lifetime supply of peach skyr and satellite televisions.

But the moving crew hired to relocate the elves’ 50 ton rock church last week reportedly broke the chapel in half during the move.

“Is this the thanks we get for guiding humans safely through the lava fields all those years?” ranted Fróðu referring to the Lava Elves tradition of warning travellers away from hot lava spots using the church beacon. “Wait until you see what happens to their construction crew now!”

“I’ll give you a hint. It smells like melted bulldozers.”

Icelandic construction workers remember the history of “accidents” that have befallen those who failed to heed elven warnings. These are so many that even non-believers would rather play it safe than risk incurring the wrath of the huldufólk or “hidden folk” as the Icelanders call them.

In fact many concerned workers are already refusing to begin work on the project.

“It’s not worth it,” said one worried dozer driver. “Do you know how many machines and men they melted in the seventies before the supernatural site conservation laws? A lot.”

The danger is so great that companies planning large scale projects now try to pre-empt problems with the supernatural world by hiring consultants with clairvoyant skills to check out the landscape first to ensure it was empty of elvish rocks.

But what if you have a suspicious rock in your hood and you can’t afford an over-priced consultant? Don’t let this happen to you! Learn to identify elvish structures before enraging the elves inside it.

Most elf houses are not marked like this one near Selfos, Iceland.

How to Identify Elf Rocks

1. Location
Is the rock in the middle of a road? Elf rocks and roads go together for one of two reasons, depending whose story your believe. The elves say it’s because the best place to protect the earth and all its creatures is from the middle of a major roadway. And to be fair there are many, many reports of accidents averted by the sight of an elf on the road. But others suspect this elvish tendency is actually a form of piracy and for that matter you don’t hear as much about the accidents caused by an elf popping up unexpectedly in the middle of the road.

2. Inclusions
Is there something sticking out of the rock? Think a sword, spike or anchor but don’t rule out human legs which have also been reported. Point here is when it comes to elf rocks, things often get stuck in them for long periods of time. Like forever. Or until a once and future king appears to extract it.

3. Doors & Windows
Elves may be magical but they aren’t uncivilized. They prefer rock structures with windows and doors. No they won’t all be painted doors red with a giant Z on the front of it like the photo above – which was more likely marked by a human – but any rock with a number of openings and exits will do. Remember elves come in a range of sizes from slightly taller than a fairy to 8 feet in height so any rock formation is fair game, from boulders to caves.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com