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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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SOS Mummies Rise Again Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips

Mummy Day rises again, that one day of the year when mere mummies around the globe are released from their eternal slavery to roam free on the surface for 24 hours.

Mummy Day can be dangerous for everyone.

Yes, Mummy Day, the most dangerous day of the year, after the Winter Solstice and Kiss A Zombie Day in February and Easter of course, that one can be hard… a few others too. But Mummy Day is right up there, make no mistake.

If you’re a mummy, er… well, Happy Mummy Day to you. Please enjoy your day of freedom in the overworld responsibly.

However, if like me, you are NOT a mummy please read on, as dealing with mummies on this day can be tricky.

If you still believe like I once did, that mummies are just a kind of zombie in bandages – think again! Sure some of them groan and shamble in similar fashion, and yeah they are both prone to decay, but please be aware under those layers of neglect is a cursing magical being with a hidden eternal grudge against both gods and earthlings.

So how will you survive as the mummies roam free? Try the following tips, or share your own.

Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips:

1. A Good Book

Preferably the Book of the Dead but other books will do in a pinch. Mummies just like it when you read to them. If you read the right passage, your mummy may go right back to sleep.

2. Find Your Mummy’s Canopic Jars

Every mummy has at least four of these jars somewhere, you just have to help find them. (The bathroom is often a good place to start.) These jars contain your mummy’s lungs, liver, intestines and stomach. Understandably, mummies get very distressed at the thought of losing their internal organs and this sometimes leads to them trying to rip out yours. So just ask your mummy outright, “Could you be upset because you lost your embalmed liver last night? Helping a mummy locate a missing liver is the best way to prevent the ripping out of yours.

  1. Locate your mummy's liver and protect your own!
    Locate your mummy’s liver and protect your own!
    3. Deal With The Decay

    Mummies, like zombies, are prone to decay. That is why they wear the bandages. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not retracting my previous statement about mummies and zombies. But they are prone to decay, that’s just a fact. So, today try helping your mummy deal with that decay. May I suggest a sturdy linen scarf or shroud or a formaldehyde facial at a spa that specializes in caring for mummies.

 4. Learn Life-Saving Hieroglyphs

Brush up on your Egyptian, both written and spoken.

A sophisticated hieroglypic trap

A sophisticated hieroglypic trap

Personally I know only one command that in my research is proven effective. In the case of a rampaging mummy, you take a piece of rope and throw it in the air and shout the word, “TAS” and the rope will wrap itself around the mummy like a snake. If you have more time than that, make a mummy trap with four strings, shoe laces or whatever really in the shape of the following hieroglyphs. Any mummy who steps on these hieroglyphs it is said will be safely entangled forever.

5. Trip To The Underworld

It’s a last ditch move, I don’t usually recommend it since you might never return and all but sometimes there’s no other way to deal with an out-of-control mummy but an unscheduled trip to the Underworld to plead your case with the gods there. Review your underworld safety tips and find a portal or an elevator near you!

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Garden Zombie Seeks New Home

Can Claude the garden zombie claw his way to a new home in a garden near you after Nashville shows him the shovel?

Zombie seeking new garden in  nice neighborhood

Zombie “Claude” seeks new garden in nice neighborhood

 
Claude the zombie lived peacefully in the Grinstead garden since 2010, until last week when the home owners association of Nashville ordered his eviction.

‘During a recent inspection of the community on April 19, 2016, it was noted that there is a zombie in your yard that needs to be removed,” reads the letter received by home owner Jim Grinstead. 

The letter surprised Jim who knew about Claude but not about any opposition to him in the neighborhood. 

“We never had any complaints. Claude kept the yard nice,” says Jim. “The soil was always aerated and he never left any dead things laying around.”

While Claude’s only public comment so far has been, {sic}  “Nnnrrrgh,” Jim says his undead friend now needs a new home and garden. 

To adopt Claude – whose name incidentally is pronounced “claw-Ed” as opposed to the French pronunciation “cload,” – leave a message below for Jim Grinsby and keep on keeping on…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Gory Green Beings Claim This Full Moon

This full moon rises in a glaze of green glory, get ready for a great glut of greenstrosities geezunking into your night.img_4125
The Interwebs agree to disagree, tonight will rise the first green moon in over 400 years.

Does this really mean the moon will go green for a full 90 minutes at its highest point?

No. Not for those of us lacking the green gene. For us it will be a wild moon like all others in this April, the so-called cruelest month.

But also, yes! A growing gang of the green eyed kind, have laid claim to this moon so be prepared for these greenstrous gangs on the howl and the roam.

So arm yourself now! Know the top three greeners and how to defeat them tonight:

1. Green Werewolves 

Always a threat, Green werewolves remain among the most dangerous lycanthropes due to the silver toxicity that gives their sick hue. In their constant fight to stay alive, they will do anything to remain in werewolf form. Reversal to human equals death.

Fortunately for you, a good supply of salty green snacks can keep them at bay. Chips, pretzels, wasabi peas… Load up your weapon of choice and fire away.

2. Leprechauns

It’s the end of their season but they won’t go without a fight so hang onto your pants and your wallets tonight and beware the strange couches and chairs that remove them.

And forget the potato chip gun. For these guys you need some liquid green, so load the stinging lime and green peppers.

3. Aliens

Aliens aren’t all green, it’s true. But those who are include many strange and slippery species and they will be out in full force tonight.

(If for no other reason than to take notes.)

These green visitors won’t go for your goodies though and they thrive in green slime but they hate bright lights. Almost any spectrum will do the trick, provided you shine it right into their eyes. So load up your phone with a few flashy possibilities before you go out tonight.

And may the green moonset find you keeping on keeping on.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Sasquatch Opens Season On Officer Swan

Why Sasquatch Stalks Tofino’s Top Fish Cop

It can’t be spring ’til the Sasquatches sing, somebody wise once said. Somebody who never met a real Sasquatch mind you nor ever heard one sing. (Sasquatch are notoriously terrible singers – albeit pretty decent rappers.) Somebody who probably never experienced spring in the Northern Hemisphere for that matter. So what does somebody know then?

Well maybe Luke Swan Jr. for starters. Tofino’s top Fish Cop and the Interwebs’ second most famous fisheries officer reports Sasquatches stalking him again this year.

Tofino's Top Fish Cop Stalked by Sasquatch

Tofino’s Top Fish Cop Stalked by Sasquatch

That’s right the Sasquatch stalking season aka SPRING officially opens on Vancouver Island with top Fisheries Officer and environmentalist Luke Swan Jr. reporting his first Sasquatch sighting of the season.

Luke Swan Jr. was out in his boat patrolling Ahousaht territory near Tofino last Wednesday when he saw a mysterious figure crouching on the shore.

A bear? Luke thought. Then the bear stood up on two legs, all  7-8 feet of him.  Luke’s first thought was replaced by a second, more sober and survivally thought:

“Get off the beach!”

“I pushed off as fast as I could,” says Luke. “A lot of people probably want to see it, but in the end it would scare them too.”

After gathering his wits, Luke told his father what happened. They searched and located a number of tracks in the area, which they measured at 16 inches long and seven to nine inches wide.

“We went further into a stream and into the river and found more footprints, so it’s out there,” Luke Swan Sr. said.

Not a first report by Luke or his dad on Vancouver Island. Sasquatch first made contact with the respected government official back in 2012 and has been playing annual hide and seek every since.

But why? What exactly does a Sasquatch – or Sasquatcheses as the case may be – want with a fish cop? And why do they keep letting him off with a warning?

Follow the salmon, say one observer.

“As a respected member of the Ahousaht aboriginal community Luke is very concerned concerned about the salmon. Water levels are low and warmer than usual, salmon numbers are down,” says Sasquatchatologist Professor Dominicus von Buren. “Sasquatch rely salmon for everything. From a good sandwich to salmon skin boots, if the salmon go so do the Sasquatch.

“Maybe Sasquatch is just checking up on the officer to see that he’s doing this job protecting their stock.”

“Anyway, that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it,” he adds. “At least until somebody here says TAG YOU’RE IT!”

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Space Fairies Have Wings Will Travel Earthlings Report

Android or fairy, pick your Homo Optimus form for the future. 

In the future will you choose a fairy form for your space travel vacay or will you plug into your custom android rig with the gold skin snd go back to work?

If you haven’t decided yet now is the time as one famous scientist, Dr. Ian Pearson predicts this choice for you by the year 2050 in his new report on the future of earthlings.

Famous Scottish fairy specimen really a space traveller?

Famous Scottish fairy specimen really a space traveller?

Dr. Pearson established his futurism cred back in the nineties when he predicted text messaging and Google glass, among other things but today he spends his time defining the forms that we earthlings will be take in the future.

Dr. Pearson’s Homo Optimus theory predicts we will use technology to adopt super enhanced forms by 2050. Forms like this one pictured here.

So why does Doc Future think anyone not born a fae will want to  be one soon?

Homo Optimus Faetum:

Your fairy form will be tiny but will also have big advantages for space travel, according to Dr. Pearson. It is a lot easier to accommodate and transport tiny people.

“It is not frivolous to suggest that most space travellers will be rather like fairies,” he explained. “Wings would make it easy to get around in zero gravity too,’ he added.

Dr. Pearson’s space travel prescription has both fairy and alien research communities aflutter with new theories about famous specimens including this one from Scotland.

Is the Glenshee-Lyall fairy really a future earthling traveling through space? Many now believe this to be true.

But wait! Before you pick the color of your future wings, consider Dr. Pearson’s other Homo Optimus options:

Homo Optimus Androidius Maximus: 

Okay the latin may be craptaculous but you get the idea. You could move your mind into one or more android forms that feature a wearable musculo-skeletal support suit along with other enhanced technologies including gold skin to allow you direct bio-electric interface with others.

You had me at gold skin Dr. Pearson but wait! There’s more! Your new nanotech-enhanced immune system will continually monitor and optimize your wet-wear, enabling you to avoid pain along with unwanted cravings for Twinkies and Doritos, letting you work without weariness or breaks. Who needs a holiday anyway?

Still can’t decide? Don’t worry, there’s a third option for you to consider:

Boltzmann Brain: 

You could adopt the form of a Boltzmann brain,  that is a self-aware brain floating through space!

In which case a good jar may be your only problem! Don’t wait, get yours today.

And long may you keep on keeping on!

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning - The Monstrometer Report

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

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by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Easter Treat Alert-How To Beat the Bunny Man

Do your Easter traditions involve a candy hunt? Then  beware – The Bunny Man may be hunting you. Before you follow those foil eggs to a delicious but deadly conclusion, take a minute to remember the Bunnyman.

Easter brings the bunny man.

Easter brings the Bunny man.

Quick review. The Bunny Man or Bunnyman as some call him for slightly-less-long is the white chocolate demon spirit who haunts the Easter hunts of unprepared recipients of white chocolate products. 

You can read the full story here but long story short, the Bunnyman was once just a happy mascot in a white bunny suit. Until the world rejected him and his promotional product, taking his job, his fame and even his family. All which made the Bunny Man axe murderery before he drowned himself in a factory vat of white chocolate.

Authorities insist to this day that they properly disposed of that vat of white chocolate along with the mascot’s chocolate covered corpse but nobody can explain how the Bunny Man continues to appear year after year from inside the hollow of an unholy number of white chocolate Easter bunnies.

Could the Bunny Man be hiding in the hollow of your tasty rabbit this Easter, his demonic axe in hand?

The answer is maybe. And probably. And yes, almost certainly.  Read on!

1. Be White Rabbit Aware

While no white chocolate should be declared 99.98% safe, SOS research indicates the tortured Bunny Man’s soul infuses only 58.4% of all white chocolate bunnies. Your most dangerous white chocolate bunny? All white, no eyes, long ears, hollow. Least likely to contain a leaping leporidae spirit inside it? White-dark chocolate swirl with eyes and icing.

Unsure if your white chocolate is hollow? Don’t waste time tapping to test if it taps back, take this SOS advice for survival and get out the hammer instead. That’s right:

2. SMASH before you GNASH

Smashed white chocolate tastes just as good as unsmashed white chocolate. Truer words were never spoken here on SOS and this Easter they could save your life. Were you an ear or toe nibbler in the past? Time to try a different tasting tactic. Get out the hammer and aim it right at that Trojan treat.

3. Safety First on the Egg Trail

Is that another white chocolate egg you just found? What are the odds they would all be white chocolate…

Pretty good when you’re dealing with a Bunny Man trap as it turns out. If you don’t know the true nature of that egg, you need to stop stashing them and start smashing them. Or at least unwrap to check. If they have a candy coating, you’re going to have to bite it. It’s okay, the eggs are still tasty, and one white egg probably doesn’t mean the Bunny Man will get you – yet – but if your trail has turned to all white eggs, you probably won’t like what you find at the end of it.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Leprechaun Treasure Still At Large But Is It A Leprecon Game?

St. Paddy’s Day again, but can anyone find the treasure Fenn?

Leprechaun Forrest Fenn renewed his St. Patrick’s challenge to the world AGAIN this year to find his treasure chest full of gold and jewels. But is Fenn really another forgetful Leprehaun who has left his geo-data in rhyme? Or a leprechaun man laughing at me er the world?

On the trail of Forrest Fenn’s treasure

Quick recap for those who haven’t been following the Fenn fiasco. The world’s most famous leprechaun claims he left a treasure chest full of gold jewelry and gemstones somewhere in Santa Fe.  To claim it you just need to divine the real meaning in his rhyme.

Now everyone knows the only thing more common than a leprechaun lifting your pants or your shoes on St. Patrick’s Day is a leprechaun looking for his lost loot. You’ll see them wandering the streets late at night this time of year, muttering and confused, dressed in festive green and asking for help.

But these fairweather fae generally move on with the next rainbow and a cup of minty coffee.

But not Forrest Fenn. Again and again, year after year, this old school leprechaun asks you and me to please find – and keep – his treasure chest. In it, he claims is a 17th century Spanish emerald ring, a ruby-studded bracelet, small diamonds and emeralds. along with, I still suspect, my long-missing pants.

Now the hunt for Fenn’s treasure has been on for more than 7 years and claimed more than a few lives, and still nobody has claimed it. Still every year at this time, survivors like yours truly buy his book of clues, download his map, and pack a bag for Santa Fe hoping for the luck of the Irish.

There are, Fenn claims, nine clues in the poem below.

Forrest Fenn lost his loot again – will he really let you keep it?

As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old. 

Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.

From there it’s no place for the meek,
The end is drawing ever nigh;
There’ll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.

If you’ve been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know
I’ve done it tired, and now I’m weak

So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.

Me, I haven’t decided yet if I will try my luck again this year.  But if you are thinking to give it a shot, I can tell you this much:

How To NOT Find Forrest Fenn’s Treasure

  1. DO NOT start by calling all the “homes of Brown,” in Santa Fe. It only lead to legal trouble in the form or a DO NOT CALL order.
  2. DO NOT email Forrest Fenn. He won’t send you any clues but he may put you on his mailing list and unless you have a good spam filter you REALLY don’t want to be on a leprechaun’s mailing list.
  3. DO NOT rely on clover-leaf power if you have far to travel. For starters, you won’t get them past the border. Sniffer dogs love them.
  4. DO NOT wear green. I know it’s St. Patrick’s Day but it will only make it harder for the Santa Fe park rangers to find you should you happen to get hopelessly lost on the trail.

If you do celebrate this St. Paddy’s day hoping to find Forrest Fenn’s fickle treasure chest, may the luck of the Irish be with you.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Leap Frog To Your Best Day Today

 The Power of Leaplings 

Leaplings! They appear appear every four years today. While it’s not true that they crawl out of the Marianas trench looking for children’s tears, like the legendary “Leap Day William,” these little leprechauns can frog up your day today, so review the following intel to live your best leap day ever.

Leaplings often take the form of a frog

Leaplings take the form of a frog hence the game of Leap Frog

Recall: Leap Day, February 29 is that mysterious extra day we have every four years, in years that are exactly divisible by four.

We need them  because while a calendar year is 365 days, the earth actually takes 365 days plus five hours, 49 minutes and 12 seconds longer than that to go around the sun. So roughly every four years, an extra day is needed to re-synch the calendar, or the seasons would start to drift.

Without Leap Day, we’d have Halloween at Christmas and Windshield Wiper Awareness Week in July. And that’s just crazy. Everybody knows that Windshield Wiper Awareness week is the first week of February.

Who Or What Are The Leaplings? 

Babies born on a Leap Day, the so-called “Leaplings” have the ability to jump backwards or forwards in time and/or space on this day. They plan for this day for four long years, and let’s just say their plans are rarely good.

Unless you can catch one, in which case this could be your best day ever.

How Do They Leap? 

According to Her Royal Leapiness, Leapling Raenell Dawn, AKA the Leap Day Lady, not every Leapling can teleport through time and space. Some do one, some do the other. Superman, she insists, was a Leapling for example who lacked any temporal powers but made up for that with his great spatial skill.

Leap Frogs

Where there’s an ancient game, there’s an ancient truth and when it comes to Leaplings it’s this – they normally take frog form to leap. (Although unconfirmed rumours also point a leaping lizard form.)

So look for the flying frogs! Catch one if you can today, and prepare to relive your best day.

If You Catch a Leapling Today Will They Leap You To Your Best Day?

Answer: yes. This legendary power while never confirmed or denied by the Leaplings who fear the day will become open season on their kind, it’s true. While the groundhog will send you back to relive your most boring day over and over until you learn a valuable life lesson, the Leapling MUST send you back to relive your very best day, only once.

It’s a time gift you don’t want to waste!  So take a minute to review your life to date and pick your best 24 hours. Maybe your best birthday or holiday ever or just the most fun you ever had with a departed family member.

If you have a photo, this helps to get the right day. But even if you can just picture it in your head, that will work too. Either way, you need to have it ready!

How Can I Catch A Leaper?

While your individual strategy should take advantage of your particular powers,  there is one iron-clad rule…

That’s right, iron. Like all fae folk, Leaplings are susceptible to its influence. Contact with iron weakens them. So devise your trap with this in mind, bearing in mind you don’t want to hurt anyone. Think, iron filings in a leapers’ shoes, pre-frog out, not a bear trap. If you encounter one in frog form, a simple cast iron cook pan should work. Just make sure it’s not hot!

And now you’re ready to keep on leaping in your best day ever!

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Undead Baby Angels on a Plane Get the Facts Before They Get You

Is that a sweet baby angel or a cursed demon doll sitting beside you? 

Coming soon to a plane near you, dangerous undead angels from Thailand. Is that suspiciously silent baby beside you a harmless Luk Thep or a malicious Kumon Prai?  Learn the difference now before it’s too late.

Luk thep or kumon prai? Your life depends on knowing the difference.

Luk thep or kumon prai? Your life depends on knowing the difference.

Quick recap.

Thai people summon these angels at a temple with help from a monk who uses a charm or two or three in a complex ritual  to trap an undead spirit inside a creepy baby doll.

These undead child angels demand to be taken everywhere, make you cater to their every whim. They order restaurant meals for instance, even though they don’t eat. They want to ride the bus with you, go to your classes with you or sit beside you at work. They can never be left alone. In return they may promise to make your wishes come true. Or they may not.

Last week airline Thai Smile announced they would permit these child angels on flights, and now every Luk Thep and her spirit dog wants a seat. Problem is, some of these little angels are less than angelic.  In fact these dolls can be downright demonic. Master Ohm Mahamontra who performs these mystical angel-binding ceremonies himself wants to remind the world that these angel dolls do not all host the innocent spirit of an undead baby angel. No, these evil dolls imprison the restless demon of a dead person, a “Kumon Prai.”

Luk Thep, Kumon Thep or Kumon Prai?

Luk Thep

Almost the same thing as a Kumon Thep but not quite. Once long ago, real dead baby parts would have been used to summon an unborn angel spirit who promised to make your wish come true.  But today the two Theps are largely made with store-bought dolls. Or so they say…

The difference between the two Theps is this. A Luk Thep angel doll isn’t “locked.” The angel spirit inside it can come and go, probably roaming among many such dolls. While inside the Kumon Thep, an angel is trapped. See below.

If you find a Luk Thep besides, count yourself lucky. They’re curious so they may stare at you and change the channel on your screen when you’re not looking but p probably won’t attack. Overall creepy but not as bad as the Kumon Thep (below).

Kumon Thep

This is an undead baby spirit trapped inside a doll, bound to it by a practitioner of the black arts. Are they happy to be trapped there? Not so much! They demand to be worshipped like a god and may or may not grant your wish. Depends how worshipful you can be.

If there’s a Kumon Thep on your plane, things could get weird.  They’ll order in-flight service only to spill it all over you. They’ll get up to go to the restroom every five minutes. You’ll find flight snacks in your hair. And the probability of attack is elevated.

But even then, better to have an unhappy Kumon Thep in the seat beside you than a demon doll or Kumon Prai.

Kumon Prai

These dolls are packed with the ashes of a person killed in a sudden and tragic incident. In the past, it was often the hair of a woman who died in childbirth but today Kumon Prai are more often made with the ashes of traffic accident victims. Sometimes with added soil from seven different cemeteries just for good measure.

Needless to say these little angels are very unhappy indeed. If you see one boarding your flight, I hate to break it to you, it’s probably going down, down, down. Tell security immediately and don’t get on that flight, whatever you do.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Friday One-Three V-Day Self Defences

V Rules To Weather A Psycho Stalker Storm

SlasherRose

 I. When you don’t know the sender, put it in the blender.

Okay I know I just like that because it rhymes. The virtual blender of course. Or brain blender if you will. Unless you have a really good blender, that can accommodate things like flowers and small taxidermy projects, in which case by all means. The point here is just this. Stalkers keep stalking, and stocking, your in-boxes, for as long as you accept it. Do Not Accept. No room on the shelf or screen. Delete.

As cute as that stuffed squirrel may seem at first, send it back unopened.

II. No Friend Zone for Stalkers

Stalkers don’t understand the meaning of friend zone. So no, you can’t really just be friends and unless your idea of a good time is making papier mache hockey masks and dreaming of homicide, never offer to be one. It’s not fair to either of you.

III. BYOH: Always Bring Your Own Hydration Source

Never leave home without your preferred hydration source in hand, properly protected. Two obvious reasons. One, nobody can slip you a unwanted shot of polonium. Two, you’ll be limber and well-hydrated when fan and feces meet.

IV. Safe Way Home

Two things to remember here. One, a safe walk or ride home is not with just anyone you know or anyone bigger or stronger than you who has a car, bike, donkey. If it’s not with somebody you have known and trusted for years, then you’re statistically speaking better off travelling alone or with a true friend at the other end of a connected device.

V. Avoid All Open and Running Water Sources

Why??? Why did they always do it? Go out on the lake? Into the shower? Sit on the toilet? Somehow they always found a reason.

But don’t you. As night falls on this Friday One-Three Part V,  just say no to good hygiene and tempting offers to go midnight fishing. And above all watch out for strangers in hockey masks and coveralls.

As always, your survival is my survival!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com