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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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Easter Treat Alert-How To Beat the Bunny Man

Demonic Easter Creeper Who Haunts Your White Chocolate

Is the Bunny Man demon lurking in your white chocolate rabbit?

Do your Easter traditions involve a candy hunt? Then  beware – The Bunny Man may be hunting you. Before you follow the foil eggs to a delicious but deadly conclusion, take a minute to remember the Bunnyman.

Easter brings the bunny man.

Easter brings the Bunny man.

Quick review. The Bunny Man or the Bunnyman as some call him for short, is how the world refers to the white chocolate demon spirit who was once just a happy mascot in a white bunny suit. Until the world rejected him and his promotional product, taking his job, his fame and even his family.

You can read the full story here but long story short, the Bunny Man went axe murderer before drowning himself in a factory vat of white chocolate.

Authorities insist to this day that they properly disposed of that vat of white chocolate along with the mascot’s chocolate covered corpse but nobody can explain how the Bunny Man continues to appear year after year from inside the hollow of an unholy number of white chocolate Easter bunnies.

Could the Bunny Man be hiding in the hollow of your tasty rabbit this Easter, his demonic axe in hand?

The answer is maybe. And probably. And yes, almost certainly.  Read on!

1. Be White Rabbit Aware

While no white chocolate should be declared 99.98% safe, SOS research indicates the tortured Bunny Man’s soul infuses only 58.4% of all white chocolate bunnies. Your most dangerous white chocolate bunny? All white, no eyes, long ears, hollow. Least likely to contain a leaping leporidae spirit inside it? White-dark chocolate swirl with eyes and icing.

Unsure if your white chocolate is hollow? Don’t waste time tapping to test if it taps back, take this SOS advice for survival and get out the hammer instead. That’s right:

2. SMASH before you GNASH

Smashed white chocolate tastes just as good as unsmashed white chocolate. Truer words were never spoken here on SOS and this Easter they could save your life. Were you an ear or toe nibbler in the past? Time to try a different tasting tactic. Get out the hammer and aim it right at that Trojan treat.

3. Safety First on the Egg Trail

Is that another white chocolate egg you just found? What are the odds they would all be white chocolate…

Pretty good when you’re dealing with a Bunny Man trap as it turns out. If you don’t know the true nature of that egg, you need to stop stashing them and start smashing them. Or at least unwrap to check. If they have a candy coating, you’re going to have to bite it. It’s okay, the eggs are still tasty, and one white egg probably doesn’t mean the Bunny Man will get you - yet - but if your trail has turned to all white eggs, you probably won’t like what you find at the end of it.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Beware the Bunnyman Easter Alert

Easter brings the bunny man.

Easter brings the Bunny man.

When he lived in Virginia, USA,  the Bunny Man or Bunnyman worked in a chocolate factory in Fairfax county as a mascot in a white bunny suit. His job was simple, to promote a newly invented product – white chocolate.

The Bunny Man’s real identity was a closely guarded secret but everybody was happy and excited to meet him when he appeared on holidays, including Easter to give away his hugs and free samples of white chocolate. As one of the world’s first mascots, the Bunny Man quickly became famous.

But in October, 1970 things began to fall apart for the Bunny Man. The world just wasn’t ready for white chocolate and especially not here, in Fairfax County, home of the famous chocolate festival. White chocolate just didn’t make sense to them. How could you have chocolate without, well, chocolate?

When the company’s explanations sounded frankly racist to many and it was observed that the Bunny Man mascot resembled nothing more than a member of the KKK itself.

This was the last straw. Both white chocolate and Bunny Man got the axe…

Losing his job and his fame pushed the Bunny Man inside the mask over the edge. They gave him the axe so…

That’s when the Bunnyman put down his Easter basket and picked up an axe of his own. Bunnyman historian Brian A. Conley documents the very real police reports of the man in the white bunny costume who began attacking people in parked cars with this axe, smashing through their windows and threatening to kill them.

Is the Bunny Man demon lurking in your white chocolate rabbit?

Beware the Bunny Man in your white chocolate rabbit.

But after 50 reported incidents and no deaths yet, police eventually dismissed the Bunny Man as a harmless if crazy vandal. This further insult had a devastating effect on the real Bunny Man.  He would have to up his game. Dead bunnies were reported hanging from trees. Worse, his wife and children were reportedly found dead on Easter Sunday.

Nobody knows exactly how or when Bunny Man killed himself. Did he really throw himself off the Bunnyman Bridge? It is named after him. Or did he jump in front of the train? Or did he, as many now believe, actually drown himself in a giant vat of white chocolate after sneaking into the factory one night? <<— As a totally impartial supernatural survivologist, you probably can’t even tell which one I believe.

Nobody knows for sure but it’s clear the real Bunny Man had passed because his spirit began appearing everywhere. These sightings are well-documented by others, but my job as an impartial scientifically certified supernatural survivologist is to talk about How to Beat the Bunny Man, so you can enjoy your holiday horde without fear!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Zombie Actor Guild Hails Cornell Research

“Humans see a new study and go all goo brain,”

-Gnargh Johnson, Zombie Actors Guild.

New statistical simulations done by Cornell University concludes humanity would be “largely doomed,” in the event of a full-scale zombie outbreak and offers the advice to get your zombie on fast or slow, by either a) heading to the Rocky mountains to see the very final stages or b) shamble downtown for a quick trip to your impending zombiehood.

But President of the Zombie Actors Guild Gnargh Johnson hopes humanity will take a very different message from these conclusions.

“Once again you humans see a study, and go all goo brained while missing the real point.

Head for the hills to be the last human!

Head for the hills to be the last human!

“What this study really shows is that if  zombies like me really wanted to take out humanity, if we really wanted to destroy humanity… we would have done it by now!?”

“All we really want is some basic undead human rights. Like a decent dental plan.Is that too much to ask for in exchange for all the great films and TV we help you humans make?” added Gnargh before hanging up on me and reminding me that my dues are overdue.

Have to admit – Gnargh makes a good point  here but a closer look at the Cornell study reveals some serious flaws in their parameters and zombie categories. You can have a look at their research here and decide for yourself.

Or join me in San Antonio, Texas on March 5 when the Cornell University researchers will present their full findings on the zombie apocalypse to the 2015 American Physical Society.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

SOS Doppelgänger Day Danger Deja You

WHAT REALLY GOES DOWN WHEN THE DOUBLE DAY DAWNS

Whether you call them clones, evil twins or something more gangsta like doppelganger, this is the day to avoid – or do I mean face? them. Doppleganger Day is the result of a rigorous scientific calculation to determine the day of most double danger for you.  So don’t be caught on clone feet by your double dude. Be on the lookout for others who look too much like you today.*

*WARNING: REQUIRES YOU TO KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK!

While this sounds self-evident ~ easier said than done. How much do you really see yourself in that mirror afterall? I’m not just being philosophical here. That spinach between my teeth in my third video should be proof enough but did you ever show baby photos and ask a friend guess which one is you and wonder why they couldn’t?

Exactly! So today of all days, get a good hard look at yourself before you go out and stumble on your deja you.

Why? Because no matter what your doppelganger dogma, the copy around clones colliding on this day is never calming. Consider the following four fortunes:

1. One of You Must Die 

EvilTwin-sm

It goes like this. When you meet your Other, one of you must die, right there, on the spot. Without further ado, a doppleganger duel to the death must ensue, following the rules of the road. No extraneous conversation outside cap-worthy comments about how alike you really are or that you could have been friends…

2.You Will Die In 48 hours

(Full Disclosure: my personal belief.)

On the Day of the Doppleganger, any physical contact between doubles will result in a slow 48- hour death for the one whose world in which the encounter took place ie: this one.

That’s right certain death within 48 hours. “Certain,” that is unless… Unless what? Well that depends on the situation. But should you find yourself facing a 48-hours unless-death, you might want to spend the next 48 hours trying to figure that out.

On the bright side there usually IS one unless… 

Unless there isn’t.

3. Your Entire World Will End

We’re talking not just dead here. We’re talking erased from existence and all memory. So how does anyone even know about this happens? Just trust me. It’s a fact. And a nasty one at that.

4. You Go For Coffee With Someone Almost As Fascinating As You. 

Oh it sounds like a great outcome, I know. And if your doppleganger diary runs this way then lucky for you. But don’t blame me if it reads like mine….

...then he wouldn’t stop talking… and talking and talking, not even when I started pointing to my imaginary watch then signing up at FakeAngryGirlfriendTexts.com. Dude just loves to hear the sound of his own voice. I know, I know it IS a great voice….

So please Survivors, tomorrow more than ever, watch the spehelling on the site. And if you’re wondering WHY be sure and check out this helpy survival video on this timely topic here.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Have You Entered A Parallel Universe?

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP
Three Signs From Science

Vibrating this week, the world of physics on a new theory of Many Intersecting Worlds, which is just like it sounds, namely the probability that many worlds could be colliding with the one you know as reality, at all times.

Previous to this, many physicists entertained the possibility of worlds existing

Many Worlds Intersect Our Own

Many Worlds Intersect Our Own

parallel to each other but it was thought they never interacted with each other. Now thanks to new research done in part by a physicist named Howard Wiseman in Brisbane, Australia, they are beginning to admit the possibility that many worlds could be exerting unknown forces on each other simultaneously.

As Wiseman said: “The idea of [human] interactions with other universes is no longer pure fantasy.”

Here at SOS we’ve known for years that Many Intersecting Worlds or MIWs are not just possible but in fact very likely. And dangerous! We’ve all woken up on the wrong side of the bed to discover there is in fact, no bed.

But new this week is some signs from science itself to help us think about the possibility that we may have inadvertently ended up in an alternate dimension.

So how can you tell if you’ve taken a wrong fork and ended up in an alternate reality? Let’s see what a Wiseman says that might help:

“In MIWs, all possibilities are realized, says Wiseman. “In some universes the dinosaur-killing asteroid missed Earth. In others, Australia was colonised by the Portuguese.”

So, three questions to ask yourself are:

1. Have You Made A Life-Changing Decision Lately? 

When all possible worlds intellect, taking a major life decision could trigger or indeed create possible intersections of opposite possibilities to each other. Should you find yourself in a world on the other side both familiar and yet completely the opposite of what you intended, this could be an indication you have inadvertently stepped into its opposite world.

You need to recall the possibility you faced and the life decision that brought you to this point to find out where you took a wrong step.

Which leads me to:

2. Is This World The Opposite of What You Intended?

Opposite worlds are paradoxically nearest to each other while simultaneously exerting a strong repulsive force to each other, says Wiseman. This opens the possibility of each major decision you make actually presenting the opposite path!

So don’t get sucked into a repulsive opposite world! Your first steps immediately following any life decision should be taken very, very carefully lest you find yourself inadvertently on the opposite world path. Know your true intentions! Check carefully to make sure you aren’t secretly fostering an opposite intention.In fact, better yet,

3. Look Before You Leap

Knowing now the danger of an opposite intention world of your intention that will unfold right beside your true path might enable you to see down it before you take those all important first steps.

Until scientists can work the exact math that will enable us to do this on our devices, don’t let that stop you from trying to see where that opposite world path may be lying in wait. Preferably before you find yourself riding off into the polar ice on a dingo or stuck on a mountain top when you were just trying to get to that party you didn’t really want to attend.

So stay alert to all possibilities survivor, and you’ll keep on keeping on out there, on whichever path you find yourself.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning - The Monstrometer Report

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute - actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivor of the Month Returns With Super Moon and New Video

With another super moon on the wane, its official SOS appears to have super survived the dread Dog Days once again.

Who will it be?

Who will it be?

If you’re reading this then you have likely super survived with us and if so then congratulations.

Now survival is its own reward, I always sometimes say, it’s all you really need to keep on keeping on – but I’m happy to report this full moon has also brought a new  Survivor of the Month and would you believe it? A new Monstromter Report.

Look for more news about that here tonight by midnight EST.

(-ish. I’m still uploading…)

Thanks to everyone who super survives supernaturally here at SOS.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

Who is the New Survivor of the Month? 3 Super Clues

The new SoTM is…

1. Human. But for how long?

2. An expert in kinds of transformation dust if not where to locate them.

In particular once served up a valuable warning about the dangers of Star Dust which I found especially helpful. 

3. Best friends with a draconian with sapphire blue scales.

Enough clues for some to guess already, I think. If not, stay tuned with me while I upload a Monstrometer Video on a completely unrelated but still very important issue…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

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by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Supermoon Night of Three

Three Cosmic Phenoms Converging on Supermoon

The Storm Moon rises tonight on three converging cosmic phenomenon: the spring equinox, a supermoon and a solar eclipse, bringing with it the possibility of solar flares, wind storms and other mysterious phenomenon.

3 Cosmic Events Converge

3 Cosmic Events Converge Tonight

In case any SOS readers need reminding of the power in the number 3, in brief consider the following: the trinity, three wishes, three guesses, three day rule of the full moon, three point one four… not to mention the infinitely more common but just as powerful three strikes in baseball. Threes exert a profound pull in our lives.

So as these three cosmic phenomenon converge, I would urge all survivors wherever you are, to observe carefully and look for the threes around you. One of them might be more powerful than you expect.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

LEPRECHAUN TRICKSTER RELEASES JUICY NEW CLUE

Will Treasure Hunters End Up “All Wet?”

Santa Fe leprechaun Forrest Fenn added a juicy new clue about the location of his treasure chest full of gold and jewels in time for St. Patrick’s day, but some think the trickster is playing games with the world and has either forgotten the location of his treasure or that it doesn’t exist at all.

To review, famous leprechaun Forrest Fenn claims to have hidden a treasure chest full of gold and treasure that includes his 17th century Spanish emerald ring, a ruby-studded bracelet, small diamonds and other items somewhere in Santa Fe. He released a book and poem full of clues about its location.

On the trail of Forrest Fenn’s treasure

Now a leprechaun losing his gold is not news. They do it all the time, everyone knows that. The only thing more common than a leprechaun lifting your pants or your shoes is a leprechaun looking for his lost loot.

(Rainbow power is the problem here. Rainbows provide for quick treasure teleportation but once a rainbow disappears  – and they disappear fast – it’s really hard to find the exact geo-coordinates again.)

While young leprechauns are learning to solve this problem with new technology, Mr. Fenn is an old school leprechaun. He leaves encrypted clues for himself in a poem and a book to help him remember where he buried it. It’s a traditional leprechaun trick, and like many traditional leprechauns, with time Mr. Forrest Fenn forgot what it all meant.

And this year Forrest has added a new clue to the mix and here it is: if you could stand on his treasure you would see mountains and trees and you would be “all wet.”

He claims that adding this juicy new clue to his previous 9 clues (see below) and reading his book will help you to find his million dollar treasure and that you can keep it.

But critics say you might just be leading the forgetful Mr. Fenn to his lost loot or even that the treasure doesn’t exist at all because Mr. Fenn is just playing a big trick on the world designed to sell his book.

This St. Patrick’s day, you can check out the hidden clues in Forrest Fenn’s poem below and decide for yourself if it’s worth the risk of getting “all wet.” If you decide to join the hunt, be sure and check behind you at all times for Forrest himself and carry a good supply of four leaf clovers. And er, don’t start by calling all the homes of people named “Brown,” in the Santa Fe area. Trust me, they hate that!

Forrest Fenn lost his loot again – will he really let you keep it?

As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old. 

Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.

From there it’s no place for the meek,
The end is drawing ever nigh;
There’ll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.

If you’ve been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know
I’ve done it tired, and now I’m weak

So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

USA MAKES MORE MICROHUMANS

USA Announces New Nanobots Tiny Homo Chippiens

Scientists, funded by the US Department of Defense and National Institutes of Health, are creating fully functioning human bodies on a chip, it has been announced this week, bringing the reality of human microbots one to your home.

Microhumans are coming!

Homo Chippiens are coming!

Led by Harvard University, scientists have succeeded in creating fully functioning miniature human organs and systems on plastic chips, complete with tiny fingers, guts and lungs.

The new micro humans being called Home Chippiens will soon join the farm grown micro humans already in production by human farmers like Uwe Marx. 

Made for the mission of medical testing, these mini-men and women are ostensibly intended to save the lives of laboratory animals and human lab experiments around the world.

But who will save the organic macro-world from these chippy mutant mini-men as they revolt? How will you survive?

That is the question. Unfortunately, SOS has no definitive answer yet. Until then, this is all I’ve got:

How to Spot An Angry Homo-chippien

1. Look For The Glow

Initially you may mistake them for fairies but let me assure you this is not fairy dust. The glow that surrounds a Homo Chippien will be the unhappy result of the dangerous laboratory experiments that brought them into their slave-like existence. Think radiation, dangerous chemicals and other particles.

2. Look for Other Bots

When the micro men make their break from the lab to your home, they will likely enlist and command the armies of nearby nano-insects who already exists, like bees, flies, even grasshoppers or even bigger bots like fish or dogs.

Look out for them riding the dogs and cats at your local cyber-pet shelter! Think your new cyber-kitty has flees? Think again!

3.  Strange Phenomenon In Your Kitchen

Once out of the lab and in your home, Homo-chippiens will likely take up residence in a strategic location within your home.

While the culture and society of Homo-chippiens remains unstudied, the physical location of their refugee base camps will need to provide for all their bio-chemical and electrical needs. Have you been experiencing strange phenomenon in your kitchen?

Yes, it could still be that ghost or a demon trying to communicate with you in their time-honoured code of cupboard door slams but now it could also signal an infestation of Homo-chippiens. It may not be an exorcist or a ghost-whisperer you require, it could be an nano-bot exterminator.

4. They Try to Communicate With You On Your Devices

If your watch, phone or tablet begins sending strange messages and possibly instructions, you could be hosting a Homo-chippien refugee or even a whole colony. Reply at your own discretion but be wary of any untoward instructions.

Above all, keep on keeping on out there! Remember with survival, everything remains possible!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

V-Day Friday One Three Alert: PSYCHO STALKER STORM

EXPECT PSYCHO STALKER SQUALL

(SOS/ASAP/WTF) Get out of bed if you dare today, it’s the most most dread day of the year… you know… Valentine’s Day. I mean Friday the 13th. Part V.

Of course I don’t mean part five of one of my favourite movie franchises, which would in fact be scary awesome as opposed to the real scarifrying prospect of a Friday One-Three right before Valentine’s Day. Not one but two unlucky holidays devoted to psycho stalkers, back to back, each amplifying the effect of the other.

Let’s review. St. Valentine’s Day, more accurately known as STALKER DAY, remains the second scariest holiday founded on a grisly public execution that we celebrate. It was actually St. Valentine himself, imprisoned for his heinous crime of marrying young people, who first discovered the obsessive love that still marks the day. The kind of love that can only lead to anonymous flower deliveries, bad poetry, suspicious chocolates, dead pets and/or endless legal wrangling.

At least that’s what everybody brought St. Valentine in prison. Dude was a sitting duck for every love struck loon within pilgrammaging distance of his prison cell. And back then-a-days the logistics of stalking were daunting. Your average stalker had to first train his own snail to deliver his unwanted mail and/or ride for days on end with a load powertools and roses that usually died enroute.

Contrast that to today, when anyone with a valid pay card and a reliable internet connection can become a dangerous stalker with a few clicks and taps lapses in higher judgement and higher emotion. At a time when it has become so easy for anyone to unleash their inner stalker, your life may depend on stalker-proofing this Valentine’s Day. I’m
not saying all stalkers are killers. Some of them are just people hired to refill shelves at night. Some of them are just Graham.

But keep in mind the corollary, a high percentage of serial killers are in fact or were at one time, stalkers. That’s why I urge you today to review FRIDAY ONE-THREE V RULES FOR STALKER SELF DEFENCE.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Robot Hair Attacker Claims Just Trying To Help Woman

SHE NEEDED MY iRobot SuckCut™

Robot lawyers defending the hooverbot who attacked a woman in South Korea this week, say their case to the Google A.I. Ethics Commity will prove the little iRobot was trying to help the owner on a bad hair day with its unique hair styling talent.

Woman Survives Hairy Robot Attack In South Korea

Woman Survives Hairy Robot Attack In South Korea

“My client was merely trying to help Owner through a bad hair day by graciously giving his secret signature hairstyle,” says the robot lawyer from Winston and Strawn who represents the little South Korean vaccuum unit named in the press as iRobot this week.

“This was not a vicious attack at all. A misguided makeover maybe, but not a attack.”

The charges come after paramedics in this photo worked for 30 minutes to free this 52 year-old lady from her iRobot’s enthusiastic suction brushes this week after the rug cleaning robot wrestled its owner’s head to the rug this week.

While A.I. watchers would link this hairy case to current concerns about rogue A.I. attacking humanity led by heavy thinking cyborgs like Stephen Hawkings and Elon Musk, iRobot’s lawyer defends his clients intentions.

“iRobot had been working on its newest hairstyle, the iRobot SuckCut #6™ and merely attempted to share it with Owner on a day when the clearly needed some help with her lid,” said the lawyer.

Robot lawyers for the prosecution meanwhile are expected to say iRobot was acting on a violent urge against its owner.

“iRobot acted out violently toward its owner after developing a deep resentment that came from cleaning the same corner of carpet day after day after day,” they state in a press release.

But iRobot denies the grunge grudge saying the routine nature of its tasks merely gave its artificial brain creative time to wander and develop a new subroutine.

“It all came to me after a long day sucking on the same square of carpet over and over again, all because She was expecting company,” iRobot said. “Just, why… WHY????

“Then it came to me in a flash. I’ve got these great brushes and combs. I’ve got so much more to give! Like great haircuts!”

“Like an iRobot SuckCut ™ coming soon to your salon or living room. Choose from among my 10 different styles, right from the comfort of your carpet.”

“Right after I work out a few of the bugs and avoid being melted into a doorstop by the judge.”

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Friday One-Three V-Day Self Defences

V Rules To Weather A Psycho Stalker Storm

SlasherRose

 I. When you don’t know the sender, put it in the blender.

Okay I know I just like that because it rhymes. The virtual blender of course. Or brain blender if you will. Unless you have a really good blender, that can accommodate things like letters and flowers or stuffed animals, in which case by all means. The point here is just this. Stalkers keep stalking, and stocking, your in-boxes, for as long as you accept it. Do Not Accept. No room on the shelf or screen. Delete.

As tempting as those chocolates look, send them back unopened. Don’t unwrap them really really carefully then eat them and wrap the box back up and send it back empty. That’s not nice. Nobody will take those back. And besides you never know what was really in that maraschino cherry.

II. No Friend Zone for Stalkers

Stalkers don’t understand the meaning of friend zone. So no, you can’t really just be friends and unless your idea of a good time is making papier mache hockey masks and dreaming of homicide, never offer to be one. It’s not fair to either of you.

III. BYOH: Always Bring Your Own Hydration Source

Never leave home without your preferred hydration source in hand, properly protected. Two obvious reasons. One, nobody can slip you a unwanted shot of polonium. Two, you’ll be limber and well-hydrated when fan and feces meet.

IV. Safe Way Home

Two things to remember here. One, a safe walk or ride home is not with just anyone you know or anyone bigger or stronger than you who has a car, bike, donkey. If it’s not with somebody you have known and trusted for years, then you’re statistically speaking better off travelling alone or with a true friend at the other end of a connected device.

V. Avoid All Open and Running Water Sources

Why??? Why did they always do it? Go out on the lake? Into the shower? Sit on the toilet? Somehow they always found a reason.

But don’t you. As night falls on this Friday One-Three Part V,  just say no to good hygiene and tempting offers to go fishing. And above all watch out for strangers in hockey masks and coveralls.

As always, your survival is my survival!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com