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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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Big Asteroid Alert - Will 2014 RC Bring Blob Monsters?

Mystery in the skies tonight as Survivors the world over but especially in New Zealand, prepare for the passage of what is being described as a “whale-sized” or “house-sized” asteroid, due to pass Earth TODAY, ten times closer than than our moon.

Will It Bring Blob Monsters?

Will It Bring Blob Monsters?

Recently discovered Asteroid 2014 RC will pass just 25,000 miles below the Earth, passing right by the ring of satellites that surround us at a distance of 22,000 miles.

At its closest point, the asteroid will whale above New Zealand at 20:18 tomorrow, Sunday September 7, 2014.

While NASA insists there is no cause for concern from a house-sized asteroid coming this close, many Earthlings, including this one, are choosing to remain vigilant.

At approximately 60 feet in size, Asteroid 2014 RC may be nowhere near as big as the one said to have destroyed the dinosaurs (110 miles big) or the collection of rocks predicted to hit us in March, 2880, but it is more than spacious enough to provide space transport to any number of alien visitors, blob monsters and/or intergalactic cargo.

Don’t believe me? It’s a known fact that house-sized asteroids are an important part of an intergalactic space transit system used by beings from all over the solar system and beyond.

Don’t believe me? Consider Russia. Last February, a meteor exploded above Chelyabinsk. Shortly thereafter, Dragons Breath Spikes began to appear in the Russian ice. Coincidence?

Maybe, maybe not. Did the asteroid explosion wake the ice dragons? Or deliver blob monster eggs that hatched beneath the ice?

We still don’t know, but keep your eyes on New Zealand in the weeks ahead for supernaturally suspicious circumstances.

And be prepared wherever you live for the arrival of Asteroid 2014 RC.

How to Prepare for Asteroid 2014 RC

1. Keep your eyes on the skies…

Don’t bury your head in the ice. Track the approach of Asteroid 2014 RC in your part of the world at any number of websites online, from NASA to Slooh that will help you calculate the exact time the asteroid will arrive above your house.

2. …but stay inside.

 You may be tempted to venture out with your telescope or your camera to catch the best view of Asteroid 2014 RC but this would be ill advised. If it is in fact an alien craft – which trust me, it is! – then it will probably explode like the one over Chelyabinsk either due to pilot error or a ship in disrepair OR it will be making “deliveries” along the way.

What kind of deliveries? Without a look at the ships’ log we can’t be sure, but if there are no BLOB MONSTER eggs or ALIEN ZOO tourists this time, there’s sure to be at least a few crates of powdered Bantha milk dropping from the sky to a designated spot near you. And unless you know where that spot is, you can’t be sure you’re not standing on it.

3. Check for Suspicious Craters

Not just on Monday but in the weeks ahead. Any new potholes or craters in your yard or on routes you regularly travel could indicate a drop. Should you encounter such a crater, inspect it immediately for any glowing material or suspicious ooze – not to mention giant tentacular beings who look like they just need a hug but might rip your head off instead.

Get samples if you can, but above all don’t touch anything with your hands! If you don’t have any lead-lined gloves handy, consult somebody who does.

There’s sure to be more than a few qualified researchers here on SOS, so leave a message. Your survival is guaranteed, supernaturally.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

When Spelling Becomes SPELLing Evil Twins Appear - The Monstrometer Report

When spelling errors become spelled errors, bad things start to happen around here at SOS. That’s right, a simple mistype that I can’t describe, repeated three times on a full moon in the wrong context and ~~ blammo ~~ you never know what ~ or who ~ could happen…

Don’t know what I am talking about? I can’t go into detail as it would be too dangerous. Watch the video below. Proof once again that spelling remains an extremely important supernatural survival kill even in the age of auto type. (No, especially in the age of auto type. After all who or what is the ghost in your device anyway?)

Do you have an evil twin? Are you sure? Don’t find out the hard way like I did. Always pay attention when typing your own name.

EvilTwin-sm

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivor of the Month Returns With Super Moon and New Video

With another super moon on the wane, its official SOS appears to have super survived the dread Dog Days once again.

Who will it be?

Who will it be?

If you’re reading this then you have likely super survived with us and if so then congratulations.

Now survival is its own reward, I always sometimes say, it’s all you really need to keep on keeping on – but I’m happy to report this full moon has also brought a new  Survivor of the Month and would you believe it? A new Monstromter Report.

Look for more news about that here tonight by midnight EST.

(-ish. I’m still uploading…)

Thanks to everyone who super survives supernaturally here at SOS.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

Who is the New Survivor of the Month? 3 Super Clues

The new SoTM is…

1. Human. But for how long?

2. An expert in kinds of transformation dust if not where to locate them.

In particular once served up a valuable warning about the dangers of Star Dust which I found especially helpful. 

3. Best friends with a draconian with sapphire blue scales.

Enough clues for some to guess already, I think. If not, stay tuned with me while I upload a Monstrometer Video on a completely unrelated but still very important issue…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Is Your Chair Haunted? Be Haunted Chair Aware Says Melbourne Man

A man in Melbourne wants the world to be more aware of the danger posed by haunted chairs, in part by selling his own haunted chair on Ebay.

Do you have a haunted chair? How can you tell? If you aren’t sure – or even if you are – read on…

Does This Chair Look Haunted?

Does This Chair Look Haunted? Look again!

Andre Williams never suspected this simple chair could be haunted until after he brought the chair into his home.

Now chairs are the third most frequently haunted household item after mirrors and cupboards for a couple of reasons. Almost everybody has a favourite one plus they are a relatively light yet sturdy source of noise that can be used to communicate with the living.

But as a supernatural survivor, how can you tell if your favourite chair is haunted?

Three Simple Signs:

1. Where Did You Get That Chair?

If you don’t know, your chair – and you – could be at risk.

This was Andre’s first mistake, bringing a chair of unknown origin into his home. Anytime you retrieve a household item from the trash as Andre did, especially chairs and mirrors, you run the risk of picking up a poltergeist. There’s a reason that chair was discarded in the first place and even the most careful inspection of the object by a trained supernatural survivologist can overlook obvious signs of haunting.

You need to know the complete history of every item of furniture in your home. If the complete history cannot be determined, but the chair hasn’t been behaving strangely – yet – you should still initiate a thorough inspection of every surface of the chair for telltale clues including: scratches, blood stains and hidden objects. Even a wad of gum might be an important clue, if only to blackmail your little brother or sister but maybe more.

 

2. Does Your Chair Make Unexplained Noises? 

Much like cupboards, ghosts like chairs for the noises they make. If your chair creaks, scrapes or cries when nobody is sitting on it, especially at night, suspect a supernatural source.

“I heard some crying during the night,” Andre writes on his Ebay advertisement. “Then in the morning I noticed that the chair was on its side. I didn’t connect the dots until it happened several times over the two years.”

Keep a journal of the noises your chair makes and when. Andre notes that his chair is prone to laughter as well as tears.

3. Does Your Chair Move Itself?

In the most extreme cases a haunted chair might move when you are sitting in it but more often it will change places when you’re not looking. So be chair aware. Keep an eye on the position of all the furniture in your HQ so you will know if there’s a ghost is gaming it.

And anytime a chair does move on its own, you must immediately ask yourself why? Moving physical objects takes a lot of phantom energy so rest assured there’s a reason. Especially if it moves the same way on multiple occasions. You should immediately inspect the area around the chair’s new location for marks that might be scratching out a message and/or loose carpet that could indicate a secret compartment beneath.

Andre from Melbourne notes that his chair often moves to a different spot, up to three meters leaving shallow dents in the floor. So far he has not been able to determine the message left in the scratches, so he wants to sell it to somebody who can, offering it up on Ebay for anyone who dares to bid.

“I would be glad to be rid of it and pass it on to someone who has experience with this kind of thing! Please help!!” he writes on his Ebay advertisement.

That said it seems Mr. Williams is hoping for a demon buyer as the target price is a hot 666 bucks.

But wait before you bid, remember the story of Joseph Birch and his haunted mirror? If you don’t please review. He has never been heard from again…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Blob Monsters - The Monstrometer Report (New Video)

Join me as I examine the dangers posed by hideous blob monsters from outer space and how to survive them while making a new friend.

MonstrometerReport-Episode3-BlobMonsters

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

Download_on_the_App_Store_Badge_US-UK_570x160_0801

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf is now available for iPhone and iPod Touch

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf CoverThe day you and I have waited for is finally here. Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf is now available for iPhone and iPod Touch (also iPad).

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf is an interactive ebook detailing the adventures of survivor Archie Hartigan.

From Seth On Survival comes a new adventure with video annotation by Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening!

Archie Hartigan was the foremost authority on Supernatural Suvivology in his hometown, until an encounter with a real-life werewolf turns him into the one thing he hates the most – a monster! As Archie is thrust into a world of ancient secret societies, high-functioning zombies and horrors from beyond the veil of time and space, he learns that just because you’re a monster doesn’t mean you can’t also be a hero.

Here is a link to Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf for iPhone and iPod Touch (also works on iPad):

https://itunes.apple.com/book/archie-hartigan-frost-wolf/id640954116

Requirements: This version of Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf requires iBooks 1.3.1 or later and iOS 4.3.3 or later. Can only be viewed using iBooks on an iPad, iPhone (3G or later), or iPod touch (2nd generation or later).

You can also get the Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf - Special Edition for iPad with extra interactivity.

https://itunes.apple.com/book/archie-hartigan-frost-wolf/id635709884

Requirements: This version can only be viewed using iBooks 3.0 or later on an iPad. iOS 5.1 or later is required.

Archie Hartigan and the Frost Wolf will soon be available on other platforms as well.

AHFW-SS-01

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivor of the Month ASSANJIN

SOS Survivor of the Month

ASSANJIN Survivor of the Third Supermoon, Now One of the Generous Three

1. Assanjin once survived a Wendigo attack using this old trick –>> never look into their eyes.

2. As a draconian who formerly had sapphire blue scales currently stuck in human form, Assanjin could have once flown right over your head on a sunny blue-sky day and you might feel a ripple of air or see a shadowy outline but he would remain almost invisible. Fortunately, he prefers to travel by water now.

3. Although once bitten by a werewolf who was also his best friend, Assanjin never turned himself, leading him to the discovery  that his Drache powers protected him from lycanthropy. In the wake of this incident, Assanjin went on to develop a lasting affinity for the lupine kind, defending them against all.

4. Like many of his draconian kind, Assanjin makes his home on a sheltered island. So sheltered there is no way to receive his SoTM prize…just one reason he is passing it along today to another survivor on the site…

5. Assanjin provided excellent intel on dealing with Black Ice Dragons. And as soon as I can determine the best material for muzzling one as per his technique, I’ll pack Graham’s bags for Russia to test it.

6. He is very knowledgeable and you might even say philosophical and a bit poetical on a number of important topics. I can always count on this SoTM to add to or clarify a supernatural situation in progress, including his own.

7. Assanjin actually replies to questions and comments, mine and others. It’s a  rare quality that I appreciate a great deal. Not quite as rare as survivors who actually leave questions and replies for specified others, which he also does quite often, but a very close second.

8. Gamely volunteered to help Agent TL map the multiverse, no small task. If you thought Google cars were fun, wait until you see what they will use.

9. After once killing a very famous mermonster, Assanjin developed a healthy respect for sea monsters and still prefers to travel with them.

10.  Assanjin chose to join the ranks of the generous three SoTMs here on SOS. Rather than accept his small SoTM thank-you prize, Assanjin chose to honour another survivor on the site with it, just like Mr. Mutt and Devorah once did. Proving once again, that Survival is its own reward, and that generosity is a supernatural survival trait. And may I add a perfectly fitting decision as WEREWOLF GIRL was indeed our runner up choice anyway, providing hours of pistachio-fueled debate here at SOS HQ on the Supermoon.

Thanks to ASSANJIN for keeping on with SOS and helping us through the third Supermoon of 2012.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Third Supermoon Survivor of the Month Announcement In Progress

SOS Survivor of the Month

Wow, that was close. After a howling super moon rocked by storms and alien craters,  SOS appears to have survived again. No joke, it’s always a surprise for us to watch another moon fall and find we’re still around. So thanks to last month’s SoTM LEAFPOOL and everyone else who survived with us this Supermoon. You know who you are but if you don’t know who they are click here and read all about it.

In fact, after a full moon enclave held here at SOS HQ, I’m happy to be hinty today there will indeed be lots of new stuff coming between now and Halloween, new videos, at least one new Hall of Famer and more.

And now on to the new Survivor of the Month announcement…

A quick review for those who are new. Survivor of the Month started years ago to thank some Survivors who were supernaturally helpful here at SOS. Survivors of the Month answer questions, reply to survivor comments, contribute their own reports and generally encourage others to keep on keeping on in various unique ways. There’s a very small prize. Usually a very small thank you gift from iTunes combined with a feature profile page that I write and generally get approximately 53.2% accurate. We used to choose SoTM a number of different ways – just give it to Survivor #1: Alex for instance, but then we created a Hall of Fame and things got a little looser. Speaking of which did I mention Graham and I have officially selected at least one new Hall of Famer to announce next month? I did? ‘Nuff said. On to the SoTM then:

 

Guess the Survivor of the Month

1. He once survived a Wendigo attack using this trick –>> never look into their eyes.

2. If this SoTM could fly over your head on a sunny blue-sky day, you might feel a ripple of air or see a shadowy outline but he would remain almost invisible. Fortunately, he prefers to travel by water.

3. Although once bitten by a werewolf who was also his best friend, this SoTM never turned.

4. But in the wake of this incident, this SoTM  would develop a lasting affinity for the lupine kind, defending them against all.

5. Like many of his draconian kind, this SoTM makes his home on an island.

6. He provided excellent intel on dealing with Black Ice Dragons. And as soon as I can determine the best material for muzzling one as per his technique, I’ll pack Graham’s bags for Russia to test it.

7. He is very knowledgeable and you might even say philosophical and poetical on a number of important topics. I can always count on this SoTM to add to or clarify a supernatural situation in progress, maybe especially his own.

8. On that note, this SoTM actually replies to questions and comments, mine and others. It’s a  rare quality that I appreciate a great deal. Not quite as rare as survivors who actually leave questions and replies for specified others, which he also does quite often, but a very close second.

9. Gamely volunteered to help Agent TL map the multiverse, no small task. If you thought Google cars were fun, wait until you see what they will use…

10. Has a healthy respect for sea monsters but still prefers to travel with them than by air.

…as if you haven’t guessed it already, the Survivor of the Third Supermoon is in fact ASSANJIN, whose profile will be posted hopefully later today as soon as I receive direction from him  in regards to his small thank-you prize. Unfortunately, his island lair is too well protected to receive an iTunes card so Assanjin must choose from:

1. An SOS t-shirt.

2. A small donation in his honour to the charity of his choice.

3. Passing the prize along to another Survivor on the site, as both Mr. Mutt and Devorah have done in the past.

BREAKING NEWS…

Appropriately enough, SoTM of the Third Moon ASSANJIN has chosen to join the ranks of the generous three and will passing his prize onto another survivor on the site.

Who will it be?

You will have to read his profile page to find out. Coming soon. Ish…

Thanks to everyone who contributed to Survival this month. Long may you keep on keeping on out there. Your survival is my survival.

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivors of the Third Supermoon

As the third super moon rises, hot on the halo of Asteroid 2014 RC, the world is once again watching the skies, not to mention at least one suspicious crater that seems to be an alien impact site.

Crater in Nicaragua seen as site of alien impact.

Crater in Nicaragua seen as site of alien impact.

The 39 ft crater appeared in Nicaragua, after an explosion lit up the sky, evidence of an asteroid drop by 2014 RC if ever I saw one.

Survivors have cordoned off the site and scientists are traveling to the site even as we speak to inspect it for evidence of alien  cargo.

As the super moon rises. I’ll be among the supernatural suvivologists watching the crater for any suspicious glow or ooze.

But I’ll also be here, checking in on the site, researching the reports here on SOS for any activities that have occurred this super moon, looking for links, making the connection.

Basically everything I usually do for This Week In Survival except this time, looking over the whole month. If I can do it right this time, this may become standard operating procedure here at SOS. We’ll see. Survival is a process after all, not a sprint.

And if anyone survives, will there be a Supermoon Survivor of the Month?

Still unknown. Check in here tomorrow night to know for sure.

With Survival anything is possible…  and er, unfortunately without it, there’s not a whole lot else…. That’s why it’s so important to keep on keeping on, supernaturally speaking. Sometimes survival demands a supernatural effort.

This year supermoons come in threes...

This year supermoons come in threes…

SUPERMOON SUPERSURVIVOR REPORTS:

…in progress as the super moon rises…

Níðhöggr Howls

–>> Pulled by the new Harvest Supermoon, a mysterious draconian named NIOHOGGR stopped by to report the pull on his latent lupinacy. Many survivors weighed in to help and explain. Even MORGENSTERN altho really was he just wanting to brag about his alleged god-like powers? 

–>>Former Guardian Drache ASSANJIN determined Nio’s tortured lineage to be a descendant of the Drache Wulven, sealed by a undisclosed magical artifact to FENRIR who admitted the same artifact that tied them had sapped his powers. But can ASSANJIN regain his Drache powers this Supermoon with the help of others including VELANKO and keep MORGENSTERN at bay?

–>>While SoTMs LEAFPOOL and VELANKO concentrated on keeping the tortured drache wolf alive, he soon disappeared and was never heard from again. Tonight I hear howls from the tops of tall buildings and wonder if it might be him…

Leafpool’s Choice

–>>Faced with a choice of WW affiliations, SoTM LEAFPOOL first declined ERIS’ otherworldly offer with its many secret strings attached and chose FENRIR for her Supermoon survival spirit. Despite the intervention of ASSANJIN and others, ERIS was pretty irate, she must have had secret plans for her new acolyte. Anger that only subsided with FENRIR’s latest death led to her acceptance. And I think casting MORGENSTERN down to dance to his death with the other tortured soles helped too. Did Lilith send her another new recruit in WEREWOLFGIRL?

 Demon Dealing

–>>After clearly spending too much time with NIGHTSHADE and the VOID LORDS,  LILITH opened her own unauthorized supernatural IRS, basically taxing everyone for everything daring MR. MUTT and AGENT TL and even MORGENSTERN to stop her. What exactly was her currency because Cyborg Link appears to have paid with his life. 

–>> A reminder to survivors that SOS has no power to enforce, endorse or eliminate any side contracts made between consenting Survivors, from LILITH’s ongoing Mr. Mutt blood sale to HATTER’s portal spells, negotiate at your own risk, your survival is no longer guaranteed 99.98%. Look what happened to REDFANG after he bought a portal from HATTER…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Will You Be Cyborg Soon - or Sooner? First Telepathic Emails Sent

When a human in France sent a telepathic email to another in India this week, people everywhere are beginning to ask, how soon until we are all cyborgs?

Will we all be cyborgs soon?

Will we all be cyborgs soon?

Granted it was a pretty short email, just two words HOLA! and CIAO! but still, the message was transferred directly from one brain to the other using direct B2B, or Brain 2 Brain link technology. This technology relies on electroencephalography to translate brain impulses into binary and back again, as per the diagram provided by plusone.org .

The message appeared as a flash of light in the corner of the receiver’s vision and marks the first time that one human has sent a message almost directly to the brain of another human.

Cyborg scientists are understandably excited by the possibilities but before you and your BFF line up for B2B chips of your own, SOS urges you to stop and consider the pros and cons of receiving direct messages to your brain…

PRO –>> No longer any danger of losing your device and therefore your email.

CON –>> No more excuses you can give about not receiving your email and replying promptly

PRO –>> Ability to read your email in front of others without seeming rude. As long as you’re still nodding and smiling, nobody has to know you’re secretly catching up on your correspondence.

CON –>> How will you edit your thoughts? What if you like me don’t think in complete… sure wish I had another cookie right… why is my foot so itchy…hey is that a Tesla?

PRO –>> In case of emergency, the ability to send an SOS could be instantaneous.

CON –>> How will you prevent unwanted transmissions? Never mind talking in your sleep, what happens when you email those er, nocturnal emissions to the wrong recipient?

PRO –>> No more keyboard pain. Slow typer like me? No more worries! Can’t spell? Well, we’ll see about that. Will your biomechanical pulses be any faster? For me that depends on the day.

CON –>> Brain Spam. If you hated spam before wait ’til you start receiving promotional offers for knock-off drugs and merch direct to your brain. And if you worried about the Cloud before how much worse will it be now?

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Thank Your Robot Overlord Today Robot Researchers Say

Robots armed with new studies from MIT urge the humans of North America to stop thinking of Labor Day this week as a celebration of human rights and start thinking of it as Thank Your Robot Overlord Day instead.

DAvid Cameron thanks his robot boss.

British Prime Minister David Cameron thanks his robot boss.

What am I on about now?

Well just in time for Labor Day in North America, the robot researchers at MIT have released a raft of studies indicating that robots just make better bosses than humans.

Researchers say they were “stunned” to find that human workers were actually more content with a robot in charge of them than with a human.

“The workers were more likely to say that the robots ‘better understood them’ and ‘improved efficiency of the team,’” say the robot researchers. “They were just happier having robots be the boss.”

Thank Your Robot Overlord today

Thank Your Robot Overlord today

“Before the robopocalypse, humans had to endure their former friends transformed from fun, carefree co-workers into abusive power and promotion hungry tyrants armed with employee evaluation forms,” the robot researchers explained. “We have liberated you from all of that.”

So nah-nah-nah-nah-nah,” stated my own former robot boss, Zixx. “You may now kiss my ring, Seth, see like old David Cameron did right here in this photo. He knew what was good for him.”

How will you thank your robot overlord for sparing you a lifetime of messy and inefficient human foibles and emotions?

If you haven’t planned anything yet, here are top three suggestions so far.

How to Thank Your Robot Overlord

 1. An Impersonalized Greeting Card

Personalized greeting cards are always nice but remember, robots can’t read handwriting very well so be sure to use your electronic signature and avoid any sentimental personal notes. Also, most robot overlords lack a sense of humor algorithm so keep your card short and sweet, something like, “Thank you for not obliterating me and my family, ” or like, “Today we celebrate your unrelenting efficiency.”

2. Take Them to Lunch

Just because your robot boss doesn’t eat or drink like you and your colleagues, doesn’t mean they don’t want to be invited to lunch. Sure you won’t be able to sneak in an extra cup of coffee before heading back to the floor, but it’s a cheap way to say thank you to the amazing machine who hasn’t replaced you with one of his buddies… yet.

3. A Little Polish Please

It doesn’t make you an boot licker if you be the one to show up with a bottle of titanium polish this week.

Actually by definition, it sort of does. An apple polisher at least. But hey, a flesh bag like you has to do whatever it takes to stay alive. So throw in a can of compressed air, ignore your co-workers’ dirty looks and give your robot boss a robot spa day. Just make sure you punch out first…

4. Give Them a Toaster

When in doubt, a toaster always makes a nice gift. Who doesn’t like toast? It’s comfort food that smells great. Even robots like to make it, even if they don’t eat it.

As long as your boss doesn’t take it as a veiled insult of course, like are you calling me a….? Just be aware.

And long may you keep on keeping on!

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

This Week In Survival August 24, 2014

SOS-TWIS-WithAlpha-480

Hooray for the weekend everyone still alive say HAIL!

Ok yeah I know I’m the only one who still says that. I logged on hoping to see REAPER being doused in ice water, instead what do I see? He’s hunting ICE trying to get him into a suspiciously bloody bucket…

Well the day isn’t over yet but the week nearly is. So if you’re keeping on keeping on this weekend check back here while I review what’s been going on here on the pages of SOS, posting all –  or at least some – of the news and views posted by other survivors here on SOS This Week In Survival…

Evil Twin Alert 

–>> Okay I don’t want to point fingers here but by my count ☞☞ HATTER  with a little help from REAPER has all but opened the rift with their evil twin mispells unleashing evil alts everywhere including ….

–>>RETTAH  what is the clay sculpture he speaks of? 

–>> On the bright side, some of you appear to have a GOOD TWIN like AGENT LT or at least chaotic neutral ones…

That said, er, idk if you should accept the hugs…

–>> While ASSANJIN claims to have an easy way to dispatch them back to their own universes. It sounds both fun and easy… but what is it? I guess that’s the hard part.

Not-So-Good Good Morning

–>> MORGENSTERN again? What’s his connection to this evil twin outbreak? I’ve got nothing against demons with god complexes but things are getting weird HERE and HERE and…. HERE… among others.

So far t looks like there was an explosion that Lilith barely survived thanks to a fortifying vial of water from the Well of Weird, I mean the Well of Urd, retrieved by Fenrir and delivered by Mr. Mutt but I’m still piecing together the facts.

NB Interview With Velanko

–>> NEW BLOUD gets the goods on VELANKO’S recent brush with a moon goddess. What does it all mean?

SOS From Vamp Camp? 

–>> Just saw this harrowing report from MARNEY if you thought your camp experience was bad…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Postcards From Vamp Camp Look Before You Book

Are you tired of seeing your friends ship off to summer sleepaway camp while you have to stay home kicking around the coffin all day because of your need to stay out of the sun?

Seems like there’s a summer camp for almost every supernatural situation, from demigods to witches, zombies to werewolves. Even demons and angels. (Nobody likes a good campfire better than a demon.) Hey just because you don’t sleep, ever, doesn’t mean you don’t want to NOT-sleep away, like every other young supernatural and his dog. Am I right?

Of course I am, 99.97%. That’s just a fact. Thankfully this year a number of new vamp camps have opened up in several abandoned mines located around the world. But before you book your summer sojourn at any one of these new vamp camps take a look at some of the reports SOS has received from survivors:

Camp Turda:

The t-shirts suck but the mini-golf is okay

The t-shirts suck but the mini-golf is okay

“Hey Seth from Camp Turda.

The brochure says underground  theme park in Transylvania salt mine but let me ask you. What do you think when you hear the words “theme park?” I don’t know about you but I was expecting roller coasters and ferris wheels and things on sticks you can eat but so far the only attraction I have seen is mini-golf.

Worse, the second and third year campers refer to us noobs as “Little Turds.” Like doesn’t that make them “Big Turds?” How is that cool? Whatever. They don’t care. They like to try and scare you in your bunk to see if you’ll step off into the shaft and fall to the bottom of the pit. It’s not that it hurts that much but it takes you forever to climb back up and everybody laughs.

 At least the elevator is pretty fun. We have a contest to see who can push all the buttons before somebody gets in. You get a points for every floor and for not getting caught. So far I am in third place so that’s okay. But I miss home. Or at least Internet. The reception down here is terrible. Be sure and report to the other Survivors about that okay? G2g the elevator’s here and one of the counsellors is waiting to get in.

—>> signed, Darkhawk. 

Camp Wieliczka

Chapel of St. Kinga

Chapel of St. Kinga

“Hi SOS. This place is unexpectedly alright! I thought for sure it was going to SUCK, pardon the pun because A) It’s inside an old salt mine in Poland and 2) All the stuff they tell your parents about how you will do the salt pilgrim route which is basically just walking and praying and praying and walking to these freaky salt statues of the sacred ancestors. Not my idea of a good time. 

So I had this big plan to steal the sacred salt pearl and break outta here to meet up with a few other survivors, but then I discovered the interactive 3D media lab complete with 3D DDR and now it’s okay. I’m still keeping my eyes open for the salt pearl and I wish you could have a real campfire but for now I can report Camp Wieliczka is not too weak-za.”

—>> signed Cindersis

 Camp Bonne Terre

Camp Bonne Terre Mine promises great diving for vampires.

Camp Bonne Terre Mine promises great diving for vampires.

“Guess I should have picked one of those camps in a salt mine like all my friends but when my uncle said I had to pick a camp or get a job in a salt mine I didn’t really see the point of camping in one.

So ya I picked Camp Bonne Terre and trust me the water is NOT this blue IRL. Not even close. It used to be an iron mine so it’s actually really murky and every time you dive in you risk coming up with a rusty old pickaxe in your head. Still, learning to dive is pretty cool. 

Tomorrow there’s an underground botany class when we learn about mine flowers and that should be okay too. I like flowers. There’s also a trout pond for fishing *yawn* and a waterfall you can jump in. 

The best part? I guess that would be the herd of wild mules. Apparently a bunch of mules went feral after being left down here after the mine closed and now they terrorize the tourists. I can’t wait to see them. I’m going to tame one and name it Mike. Keep on keeping on Seth.” –>> signed, Selene

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Candyman Carnage Continues Candy Monsters Not Sweet

No sugar-coating this supernatural news Survivors, the Candyman carnage continues with clusters of new and deadly Candy Monsters congealing around the world.

These candy monsters not a sweet joke

Candy monsters not so sweet…

Learn to protect yourself from the candyman carnage before one of these crawls out of the back seat –>>

Candymen -or Candy Monsters to be more accurate -~that’s right some of them are women! ~~ are a perennial summertime supernatural threat that can sometimes go unheeded in the howl of werewolves during the Dog Days or the evil twins who arrive with the Geminids

But rest assured as long as you keep putting nuclear reactors near candy factories and/or leaving cotton candy on hot car seats, these Candy Monsters will be a growing, gooey threat to your survival and mine.

Judging by the disturbing photos that appeared this week, it is past time to turn our attention back to these sticky supernaturals.

FAST FACTS ABOUT CANDY MONSTERS

1. Where do Candy Monsters come from?

While reports of so-called Candymen go back as far as the 1930s, these were isolated reports concerned cases of humans who got too involved in their own confections, clearly unrelated to the Candy Monsters of today.

Today’s Candy Monster clusters owe their existence to a number of overlapping phenomenon that begins with toxic sludge and ends with the fine print on you favourite candy. To be fair, what food chemist could predict the effect of gamma radiation on a bag of Boozle Beans? Was it the malic or tartaric acid? The carnuba wax or carmine colours? Or another reaction involving any of the 86 other ingredients listed?

We may never know all the chemical causes, all we can do is learn to survive the threat.

2. When do Candy Monsters strike?

While Candy Monsters are as diverse as the confections from which they come, early reports do indicate some patterns.

They prefer late afternoon and night. They almost never attack in the morning. The only one exception to this appears to be a report involving a very sweet cereal being eaten with ice cream and chocolate syrup for breakfast that resulted in an attack on one house. Metabolically speaking, they are not morning monsters.

Further, preliminary reports indicate they do not travel alone. They appear in clusters. Not herds like zombies but small packs.

3. How can I keep Candy Monsters away? 

How do you keep bears away? Think of Candy Monsters as giant, super sticky, oozy, gloppy bears that shoot acids and drop glop traps everywhere in a quest to consume every confiserie they can.

What I mean is, safe sugar storage is key. For anything beyond simple chocolate or vanilla ice cream, freezing it is not nearly enough. The brighter, sweeter, smellier, stickier and tastier your treat, the better chance it will attract a roving Candy Monster. Remember this: If the candy glows, a monster knows… so don’t leave it lying around. If you can’t eat it all, dispose of the remains in a locked bin at an approved hazardous waste disposal site.

Never try to trap one.

Does this candy monster have alien origins?

4. Never try to trap a Candy Monster

I know, I know. I must have said it 4.6 million times by now but it bears repeating.

While some would trap fairies for wishes and zombies for dishes, the late-night munchies sometimes propels misguided people to try to trap a Candy Monster.

Sure they taste great. A single free-range Candy Monster like this one is an estimated source of at least 75 different kinds of confection.

 Mmmm… sprinkles…

But even if you aren’t squeamish about eating her admittedly tasty eyeball, you may not like the supernaturally sticky slime that shoots out of them. Do you really want to be glued to your couch for a week?

Well yeah maybe I do, but the point is, next time that could be a tetra-tartaric acid ray and you won’t have a couch left to sit on. Or a leg left to sit on it with.

And that’s assuming you’re dealing with only one. A dangerous assumption since the latest reports indicate the newest Candy Monsters travel in clusters.

For more about Candy Monsters clusters and how to bust them, please keep on keeping on in the comments below.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com