I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.
Mineral springs discovered on Mars but should you book your Martian Spa Holiday today?
With the discovery of underground water flowing on Mars, the Internet is awash with reports of all the ways it will provide what you need for your future on the red planet.
But as you consider the epic announcements, SOS urges caution with one claim in particular – Martian spa holidays are mere decades away, book yours today!
“Thanks to the discovery of water, holidays on Mars are a certainty within mere decades,” writes David Baker, the editor of Spaceflight, and the author of the Haynes Workshop Manual to NASA Mars Rovers.
This report, which appeared in most mainstream media, endorsed by space tourism booster billionaires like Elon Musk and Richard Branson, has resulted in a pre-booking rush by survivors seeking a space spa experience in Martian mineral water.
Martian actor Matt Damon’s mineral water secret
“Martian mineral water is the best,” said one such spa-seeker who jumped at the chance to pre-book. “Just look at Martian actor Matt Damon. Don’t you want to look like him?”
Actor Matt Damon has refused to deny the secret to his pumped Martian physique is due to regular use of its mineral spas but canny viewers of his new space survival show, The Martian all note – the film works very hard to hide the existence of Martian waters.
“We just didn’t want the secret to come out yet,” Damon stated in defence of the film. “I mean, what if anyone could look like me? Even you, Seth?”
“I don’t need that kind of competition for lead roles. You think I want to go back to working in the fire opal mines?”
Make a dark moonlight trap to celebrate and save the tetrad supermoon, supernaturally.
As the Tetrad Supermoon rises it’s only supernatural for you and your clan to want to celebrate and preserve the perigee powers of this once in a millennium event.
Four blood moons rising
It has only been a thousand years afterall, since the last of four supermoon eclipses at exactly six month intervals – and it’ll be about a thousand more before you can do so again. Of course you want to save some.
So if you don’t have your supermoon eclipse celebration and preservation plan yet it’s not too late. To help you and your clan make this supermoon supernatural, SOS presents how to prepare and deploy a Tetrad Dark Moonlight Trap.
1. Convene your personal Tetrad
To preserve the dark tetradic Powers of Four you will need – insert drumroll here – ah four others. Or 8. Or 16.
(Additional multiples of four will amplify the effect but increase the amount of dark moonlight you need to make.)
But that doesn’t mean you should invite anyone. Give some thought to the supernatural mix of powers at play here. Your friends are mostly vampires? You might want to think twice about the werewolves you invited.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t invite vampires and werewolves to the be in the same Tetrad. In fact, a balanced blend of oppositional forces can be the best way to go on these occasions. I am saying however, that you need to know! Be sure to scan your friends with the Monstrometer if you haven’t already.
With a minimum of four fellow supernaturals on board, proceed to prepare your Tetrad Dark Moonlight Trap.
2. Prepare your purified water receptacle
Colloidal silver is always the best option for this as it will purify and photosensitize your water at the same time. You can make some silver water quickly with a few drops from a vial of store-bought colloidal or generate your own from scratch.
No time for either option? Although less effective, any purified water in a glass receptacle should do in a pinch.
(Important point here, your receptacle should be clear glass in order to permit the dark moonlight to pass into the trap.)
How much purified water you put in your trap depends on your needs, how many supernaturals will share in the bounty and how concentrated you want it to be. Less water in a smaller receptacle will result in stronger dark moonlight material but may not be enough for a larger group.
3. Submerge a photosensitive material.
Salt is much cheaper than true silver here, simply sink a block of it to the bottom of your glass water jug or jar.
If you do however, happen to have a true silver-backed mirror handy this is still your best option. Submerge the mirror in the bottom of your tetrad trap.
4. Properly position your Dark Moonlight Trap
To find the best place you’ll want to research this in advance. Clouds are not a problem -although they will result in a more dilute solution – but any tall buildings or trees can prevent the dark moonlight from passing into your trap.
(Any supernatural structures handy? Say you live at Stonehenge? This of course will also amplify the effect and result in a stronger concentration of dark moonlight at the end of the night.)
Where ever you choose, just make sure to position your Tetrad trap well in advance of perigee. Like a long exposure camera, your dark moonlight trap needs to collect both the moonlight at its most bright AND the moondark at its most dark to preserve its powers within the water.
This means you’ll need to know the moon table for where you live. (Stand by for a good moon table link here….)
5. Join hands in a diamond formation around your trap.
If your tetrad is only four people this shouldn’t be complicated. Just avoid any rounded spaghetti arms that will turn your polygon into a circle.
However for a bigger group, this requires more coordination. Work it out long before the eclipse to prevent a full moon fail.
6. Divide and save the dark bounty
Wait until the eclipse has fully passed and the moon fully returns before sealing your jug or jar – but don’t delay. The sooner you seal it the less you will lose.
Now all that remains is for you and the members of your Tetrad to divide the dark bounty among you. Take the Tetrad Trap to a secret location and transfer the dark moonlight evenly into smaller take-home glass receptacles for everyone involved.
Now you can call on the Tetrad Powers of Four for another millennium. Long may you keep on keeping on!
Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*
*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.
Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…
*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…
Whether you call them clones, evil twins or something more gangsta like doppelganger, this is the day to avoid – or do I mean face? them. Doppleganger Day is the result of a rigorous scientific calculation to determine the day of most double danger for you. So don’t be caught on clone feet by your double dude. Be on the lookout for others who look too much like you today.*
*WARNING: REQUIRES YOU TO KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK!
While this sounds self-evident ~ easier said than done. How much do you really see yourself in that mirror afterall? I’m not just being philosophical here. That spinach between my teeth in my third video should be proof enough but did you ever show baby photos and ask a friend guess which one is you and wonder why they couldn’t?
Exactly! So today of all days, get a good hard look at yourself before you go out and stumble on your deja you.
Why? Because no matter what your doppelganger dogma, the copy around clones colliding on this day is never calming. Consider the following four fortunes:
1. One of You Must Die
It goes like this. When you meet your Other, one of you must die, right there, on the spot. Without further ado, a doppleganger duel to the death must ensue, following the rules of the road. No extraneous conversation outside cap-worthy comments about how alike you really are or that you could have been friends…
2.You Will Die In 48 hours
(Full Disclosure: my personal belief.)
On the Day of the Doppleganger, any physical contact between doubles will result in a slow 48- hour death for the one whose world in which the encounter took place ie: this one.
That’s right certain death within 48 hours. “Certain,” that is unless… Unless what? Well that depends on the situation. But should you find yourself facing a 48-hours unless-death, you might want to spend the next 48 hours trying to figure that out.
On the bright side there usually IS one unless…
Unless there isn’t.
3. Your Entire World Will End
We’re talking not just dead here. We’re talking erased from existence and all memory. So how does anyone even know about this happens? Just trust me. It’s a fact. And a nasty one at that.
4. You Go For Coffee With Someone Almost As Fascinating As You.
Oh it sounds like a great outcome, I know. And if your doppleganger diary runs this way then lucky for you. But don’t blame me if it reads like mine….
...then he wouldn’t stop talking… and talking and talking, not even when I started pointing to my imaginary watch then signing up at FakeAngryGirlfriendTexts.com. Dude just loves to hear the sound of his own voice. I know, I know it IS a great voice….
Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.
I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report, a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.
In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?
Do you live in an alien zoo?
Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS. Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.
New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.
A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).
New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive
Watch HD videos from within the app!
Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.
Fire Opal Mines Seek Space Miners But Methane Breathers Only Please
Boos for the space mining industry this week from the unemployed astronauts who cheered the first fire opals found on Mars but now protest the industry preference for hiring only Martian miners.
Fire Opals Found On Mars Means Martian Jobs
When scientists in Glasgow, Scotland found fire opals from the red planet on the Martian meteorite known as Nakla, Buzz Buchwald was among the first to celebrate.
“As a NASA-trained astronaut I have space suit and can travel,” said Buzz who was laid off in a round of cutbacks last year.
“Not to mention I can perform pilates in sub-zero gravity and play a mean acoustic guitar.”
“So naturally I thought for sure I could land a job as a fire opal miner on Mars.”
Buzz’s original optimism quickly crashed and burned though after he delivered hundreds of resumes to Martian mining operators. His follow-up calls to the companies in question all received the same routine reply – sorry Sir but the positions have been filled…
“They didn’t even want to see my awesome Earth sunset photos or hear about my workout routine!” tweeted Buzz today. “I haven’t felt this bad since cutback space snack-packs took away my tube cheese!”
Martian mining industry reps, meanwhile, refuse to admit they hire only Martians.
“We simply ask all candidates to demonstrate the ability to breathe methane,” said one mine operator. “In fact we invite anyone whose only beverage requirement is a yearly subzero-ice chip to apply.”
“Is that really too much to ask?”
Earthlings who can provide their own space suit can probably find decent work as a moon miner or even on an asteroid gig with companies like Planetary Resources... added the industry rep.
In a related story, many Martians themselves continue to say “Nay!” to the fire opal rush on their planet.
“Our fire opals are not mere baubles like your lame Terran rocks,” sniffed one Martian activist.
“For one thing, these precious gems preserve our ancestors! And for another… let’s just say they do other things.I like you Seth but I can’t tell you about the other things and let you keep on keeping on, as you put it.”
Human firestorm from around the globe this week in response to the infamous Android Dick’s public pledge to keep them “warm and safe in my people zoo, where I can watch you for ol’ times sake.”
Android Dick promises to keep humans alive in his zoo.
Android Dick made his people pledge to a PBS reporter in an interview last week after being asked if he and his fellow robots intended to take over the planet.
“You’re my friend, and I’ll remember my friends, and I’ll be good to you. So don’t worry, even if I evolve into Terminator, I’ll still be nice to you. I’ll keep you warm and safe in my people zoo, where I can watch you for ol’ times sake,” Dick states in his YouTube Video.
Android Dick’s statement was warmly received today by Humanity Welcomes Robot Overlords, (HWRO).
“Our members are pleased and excited to hear the Androids’ intentions,” writes President Doug Smith.
“Although in hindsight I maybe should have waited to tell my mate Jeff that I’m moving out,” Doug added noting that he now has nowhere to live after Jeff replaced him overnight.
But other humans remain less thrilled by the prospect of zoo life.
“Could you find out what exactly Doug has been smoking?” asks his sister Abby Smith. “Jeff says he gave notice at the mine, and now he sleeps on my couch every night.”
Abby adds that if Doug really thinks Android Dick will make grill cheese for him in the middle of the night even though he has to work at 6 am he should just go ahead and move into that zoo.
“Grill cheese? Ha! Those humans will be lucky to get Soylent Green rations and water let alone union scale,” said my talent agent Norbert Abrahamsom when asked if I should consider this career move for myself.
“Ask yourself this Seth… do you have any idea what exactly the androids will enjoy watching the humans do in their human zoo?” Abrahamsom goes on, adding that since I can’t really do a whole lot of tricks since giving up on rapping the best I can do will be background entertainment on this dead-end reality show.
“Hey but who else can sing and build their own Tesla Gun?” writes Seth defensively, still considering the move.
Keep on keeping on for other reaction, including one from other Androids who suspect that Android Dick may be suffering the side effects of losing his head last year.
New personal portable wormhole that fits in your suitcase to terminate time tourism turbulence?
A team of three physicists from Barcelona, Spain unveiled the first functional portable wormhole generator to cheers from survivors of another turbulent time travel season but big boos from the time travel agents who depend on them.
Personal portable wormholes put time travel agencies out of business?
“A theoretical proposal by Greenleaf presented a strategy to build a wormhole for electromagnetic waves..however, an actual realization has not been possible until now. Here we construct and experimentally demonstrate a magnetostatic wormhole,” the team reported here in the journal Scientific Reports.
While Doctors Jordi Prat-Camps, Carles Navau and Alvaro Sanchez refuse to claim their suitcase-sized wormhole generator (photo below) will revolutionize the time tourism industry, disgruntled time travellers everywhere have high hopes that it will do nothing less.
“Look, I paid for a simple ancestry vacay to prevent my little brother’s conception. Is that too much to ask?” comments one such disgruntled time tourist. “Instead I woke up stranded in the Triassic, not a single hot tub device or Tardis to be found.”
In his lawsuit against the time travel agency in question, the tourist writes that, “After almost drowning in a monsoon, I would have prayed for a dinosaur to come and extinct me… but not even a dinosaur would set foot in that poopy epoch.”
While this tourist and his agency continue to fight over a refund, he and other survivors like him are vowing to purchase a personal portable wormhole unit like this one before taking a chance with another tardy time travel trap next year.
But will the suitcase wormhole really do for time tourism what mobile cellular technology once did for computing?
Not surprising time travel agents want to deliver dire warnings to would-be wormhole buyers.
“Do you see any temporal or geographic control settings on the device in this photo?” writes one angry operator. “Exactly! There are none. So how can it even send you to the correct place, never mind the right time period?”
“At least we get the approximate geography right 99 percent of the time. It’s really not our fault if your family tree hasn’t evolved yet.”
Science and psychopaths expose yawning flaw in new yawn test
A new test to reveal potential psychos by yawning in their faces to see if they yawn back is welcome news to both survivors and psychopaths this week, who reveal the real yawning flaw.
Out potential psychopaths with a yawn test
When a Baylor University study showed how potential psychopaths do not
catch group yawn contagion because they have no empathy, survivors everywhere began conducting secret secret yawn tests.
“I told my parents the swim teacher here was a psycho when kids started disappearing but they didn’t believe me!” said a Crystal Lake camper named Samantha who organized her entire swim class to yawn- test the instructor. “Then I proved it with this video. See how we’re all yawning at the same time, right in her face? Well she never, ever yawns back!”
“Now my parents say if I survive maybe I won’t have to come back next year.”
“I guess they couldn’t get their money back.”
The new yawn-test study was unexpectedly welcome news to the psychopathic community too.
“So that’s why everyone has been yawing in my face!” said Camp Crystal Lake’s psychopathic swim teacher. “For a while I thought maybe I had to starting killing kids ahead of schedule to avoid boring them to death instead!”
Instead the psychopathic swim teacher intends to stick to her original killing schedule of one or two children every night until the final spree that will finally eliminate Samantha.
“Also maybe I’ll sign up for that new yawn-faking workshop the camp director is giving for staff,” she added.
Meanwhile Supernatural Survivologist Seth Greening reminds survivors when it comes to detecting supernatural threats in your environment, there is no substitute for his handy free diagnostic app The Monstrometer.
“Your survival is virtually guaranteed, 99.98% or your money back!” he promises.
California scientist’s colony of real Yakon aliens that breathe boulders and eat energy.
Scientist Kenneth Nealson publicly admits to raising a colony of real-life energy-eating, rock-breathing aliens, ignoring the obvious danger to all life here on Earth.
Kenneth Nealson raising real-life Yakon aliens in Southern California
Professor Kenneth Nealson of University of Southern California defended his decision to farm an alien species that eats only energy and breathes rocks instead of air.
“They could be harnessed to create biological fuel cells or to clean up human waste,” he told the reporter from Popular Science who busted the professor and his alien colony.
Reporter Corey S. Powell says the Professor refuses to call his pet Yakons aliens at all, referring to them instead as Shewanella oneidensis which translates, roughly, to voracious light-eating, boulder-breather bacteria who wants all your electrons NOW!
Understood, not everyone has their own underground bunker yet. But it doesn’t make you crazy just because you have a rubber room! Now is the time to build your own, before these hungry aliens come looking for you.
2. Non-Conductive Clothing
Yes, the neoprene run really hot but on the bright side, you look pretty cool. And it’s a lot better than coating yourself with silicone – trust me on this. So be ready, get out your rain gear and rubber boots. And don’t forget the hat.
3. Lights out & lay low
Think energy conservation – not just about global warming. Power everything down – including you. Especially you. Now is a the time to practice your zombic meditation. And if you’re not sure what this means, find a meditation class taught by a qualified Zomtanga instructor at your local recreation facility and learn how to slow your cellular metabolism to undeadly levels as soon as possible.
4. Arm Yourself
If you have a Tesla Cannon or Tesla Gun, equip that immediately. Don’t have one yet? Got an old nerf gun laying around? Then it’s not too late. Turn that old birthday present into a real lightning cannon out like survivor Rob Flickenger did here. That said, a commercial Super Taser may do the trick.
(And here’s where you ask, Seth. Seriously? Why shoot them with electricity, which they love? To which I reply, Good question and thanks for keeping on keeping on…)
The point here is this. These aliens have an energy for rock metabolic process meaning they devour energy and breathe out rock. To whit, the more light you shoot them with, the more rock they will breathe out. The theory here is that by shooting them with enough energy, their respiration will cause an avalanche that falls only on them.
Or that’s the theory anyway. But as Yogi Berra would say… in theory there is no difference between theory and practice but in practice there is!
Would you know a wendigo? And if so should you stay or should you go?
Here at SOS we have received repeated requests to add the Wendigo or Windigo to the list of monsters detectable by The Monstrometer. And it’s not that we don’t want to add this terrifying, shifty, flesh-eating cannibalistic being to our list of Monstrometer alerts.
No, it’s just that unlike other supernatural beings from fairies to demons and everything in between, SOS does not, unfortunately, receive much first-hand intel from Wendigo survivors.
In fact we count zero self-declared wendigo among the 6 million to visit and/or join the active SOS community to share supernatural secrets. And only one self-declared wendigo attack survivor.
Why no wendigo survivors on SOS?
Unfortunately -or fortunately- depending how you look at this supernatural situation – there may be several reasons for this. Consider:
A) The traditional Aboriginal wendigo hunters have been effectively keeping this shifty population at bay and there are very few real ones left.
In any event, you can see the situation. It’s not that SOS doesn’t want to respond to your urgent supernatural survival needs. It’s just that it would be supernaturally irresponsible to pass on more second or even third-hand information.
(After all, SOS does have a reputation to uphold as the third most popular and first most reliable supernatural survivology site on the Interwebs!)
But by way of reply to recently received requests, we post the following information, submitted to the SOS community by survivors Raven269, Ravenwillow and Assanjin:
3 Tips to Survive a Wendigo Attack
1. Wendi-stay, Wendi-go…
Wendigo are therianthropes of the second order and as such they can mimic both voices and shapes. Understandably, this makes them hard to detect.
Hard, but not impossible. Like most beings driven by insatiable hunger, Wendigo prefer inhabiting large, carnivorous forms with massive teeth and jaws over say, staplers and/or insects.
Animal horns are a dead giveaway. Wendigo use them to lure unsuspecting trophy hunters to their death. Just see someone sprout a rack on his head? Time to make yourself scarce.
Most people who encounter a wendigo die because they made the mistake of screaming. The one weakness of the wendigo is eyesight. So don’t alert them to your exact location aka: DON’T SCREAM! Just move away as quickly and quietly as possible.
3. Avoid Eye Contact
While generally a good rule of thumb to follow with almost any being that shines red light out of its eyeballs, with wendigo this is particularly important. Ever see a deer caught in the headlights? Well with wendigo, this appears to work in reverse. This deer is hunting you.
That’s all we have for now survivors. Until we know more, you may wish to contact members of the survival community, see Raven269 or Assanjin and shoot them a reply-comment.
South Carolina town happy to see him but has Lizard Man reverted to his former feral ways?
As Bishopville officials celebrate the return of their beloved Lizard Man this week after his unexplained ten year absence from the community, local historians urge a return to caution.
“Until we know what happened to Lizard Man during his long absence, we can’t assume he is still the peaceful reptilian hybrid who left his swamp in 2005 or if he has reverted back to his rage-filled car-crunching, cat-eating early days,” says renowned supernatural survivologist Professor Dominic Van Buren who urges humans to stay away from the shores of Scape Ore Swamp until the truth can be determined.
Lizard Man happy to be back home in Bishopville?
The Bishopsville townsfolk however do not appear to be heeding Van Buren’s warnings. Town officials are already planning to resurrect Lizardstock Live, the largest Reptilian Rock Festival in the Southern USA.
“My hand to God, I am not making this up!” writes church lady Sarah who snapped this photo of the 7 foot-tall red-eyed scaly humanoid on Sunday. “I am so excited!”
But even as the town celebrates the return of their cool cryptid, rumours continue to circulate about his long and unexplained absence from his home swamp and community.
The last time anyone saw Lizard Man was in 2005. After starring in a series of TV commercials, he was spotted for the last time… but he was not alone. Specifically, he was spotted in the presence of another reptilian humanoid, who was surely, the town surmised, his new leading Lizard Lady.
The Lizard Love theory made sense to everyone. Certainly it wouldn’t be the first time a scaly, half-human found love after becoming famous. So the town gave the couple some swamp space.
But when spring rolled around again, bringing with it another busy tourist season in Bishopville, the shores of Scape Ore Swamp remained empty. The Lizard Man and his Lady had left the building.
What followed was ten long years of false reports and the occasional, mysterious 3-toed footprints around the world.
“Think about it. He’s back again. Alone. In Bishopsville, South Carolina. Ask anyone who has been through a divorce. Or three, like me. Does anyone really believe that the Lizard Man is happy about this situation?” said Professor Van Buren.
“If you believe that then I have some swampland in South Carolina I could sell you…”
Van Buren remembers vividly the bad old days when Lizard Man first appeared after a meteorite first hit Scape Ore Swamp in the summer of 1988. Back in the days when beloved pets began disappearing and drivers reported collisions with a giant, angry reptile on the road.
“I’m not saying this is absolutely 100% going to happen again now,” he stated. “But this is absolutely, 100% going to happen again.”
Hitchy’s Crash Course in Humanity Stalls In Philadelphia With Brutal Lesson
Hitchy the Hitchbot’s trek to the heart of humanity on the side of the highway stalled when Philadelphia turned out to be less than the city of cyberlove.
Hitchbot in Philadelphia before the humans got him.
Hithbot, you will no doubt recall, is the little hitchhiking robot who set out on a pilgrimage of peace to promote love between Servos and Bios by hitchhiking across an entire continent, from the Great Lakes of the East coast to the Pacific Ocean on the West.
“I love meeting people and hearing stories,” he told us back in June before embarking on his trip. “If you see me on the side of the road, pick me up and help me make my way across the country.”
Now three months later, Hitchy’s trip has hit a horrible hump in Philadelphia, one that may yet prove fatal.
Specifically, the little bot was found brutalized after an apparent back-alley beating in the so-called City of Love.
“I don’t want to say that I told you so but…” said Gnome Severson the famous hitchhiking gnome who to his credit did stop short of saying that he did in fact tell us so here on SOS back in June.
“Poor guy, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone,” Gnome Severson said after seeing this now-famous photo of Hitchy left for dead in a Philadelphia back alley.
“Many times I had me own porcelain pate plastered on tour. I wish he had called me for some tips. Just cuz you want to find the best in humanity don’t mean you ignore safety when you’re only 3 feet tall!”
Hitchbot left for dead in Philadelphia back alley.
Robot rights activists meanwhile have seized on the situation to publicize their message of segregation from the Bios.
“See this is exactly why we need more of our own separate facilities and services,” states one activist who refused to go on record.
“Hitchy would still be here if he put his trust in the programming of robotkind instead of the kindness of strangers and stayed in one of the new robot hotels.”
Is it all over for Hitchy? Will his parable of peace be turned to a terrifying tale of too much trust?
A robot rescue team in Philadelphia who call themselves The Hacktory have reached out to Hitchy’s family to offer their emergency medical services however the news is not clear if their efforts will succeed.