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What’s New in Monstrometer 3.1

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Hail Survivors!

I know it has been a long time since I have posted and even longer since the Monstrometer was last updated. Both of those issues are about to be corrected and my long absence will soon be explained.

A new version of the Monstrometer is on the way in just a few short days.

Below behold the change log for Monstrometer 3.1:

  • Surprise major new announcements from SOS!
  • 64-bit code base to make scanning your friends (and frenemies!) even faster!
  • Now compatible with iOS 11 and all the new iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch models (even the iPhone X!)
    (minimum version of iOS is now 9 but if you have an older device you can still download previous versions)
  • Optimized for iPhone X and both 4.7″ and 5.5″ iPhones and the iPad Pro (all sizes).
  • Improved video playback!
  • Fixed a bug on iPad where scrolling to the end of the Lupine Life videos list was impossible.

Thank you for your patience and thank you keeping on keeping on.

More announcements coming soon! Below is a little sneak peek!

Survival yours,

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Adopt A Zombie Seeking Greener Garden

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Can Claude the garden zombie claw his way to a new home in a garden near you after Nashville shows him the shovel?

Zombie seeking new garden in nice neighborhood
Zombie “Claude” seeks new garden in nice neighborhood
 
Claude the zombie lived peacefully in the Grinstead garden since 2010, until last week when the home owners association of Nashville ordered his eviction.

‘During a recent inspection of the community on April 19, 2016, it was noted that there is a zombie in your yard that needs to be removed,” reads the letter received by home owner Jim Grinstead. 

The letter surprised Jim who knew about Claude but not about any opposition to him in the neighborhood. 

“We never had any complaints. Claude kept the yard nice,” says Jim. “The soil was always aerated and he never left any dead things laying around.”

While Claude’s only public comment so far has been, {sic}  “Nnnrrrgh,” Jim says his undead friend now needs a new home and garden. 

To adopt Claude – whose name incidentally is pronounced “claw-Ed” as opposed to the French pronunciation “cload,” – leave a message below for Jim Grinsby and keep on keeping on…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning – The Monstrometer Report

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VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute – actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

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Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..
Mothra is almost like a bee..
by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

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Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?
Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Death Sentence for Runaway Russian Robot Outrages Internet 

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Runaway robot IR77 pleads for mercy online after deemed danger to children.

A robot in Russia, named IR77, slated for death after its latest runaway attempt has turned to the Internet for mercy.

IR77 (pronounced “IrLL”) was  designed for work in customer relations but the promo-bot has artificial intelligence that enables it to manoeuvre around objects in the environment. Intelligence which Ir77 uses to runaway from his job, again and again and again.
img_4326-1.jpg

After Ir77 made a break for it again last week and police apprehended him directing traffic in the city of Perm, the little robot’s makers sentenced him to be decommissioned.

“We have twice cross-flashed the memory of the robot Ir77 but he continues to persistently try to escape from landfill,” said Ir77’s maker Oleg Kivokurtsev, adding that they have newer, better robots now who don’t try to escape.

But Ir77’s death sentence has prompted outrage around the world under hashtags like #saveIR77 and #robotrights, pleading for mercy.

And nobody is more outraged than Ir77  himself, whose intelligence also makes him a highly effective spambot as it turns out.

“IR77 was framed!” tweets Ir77 as “Oldsuperhero,” just one of his many fake Twitter accounts. “It was a trap! They left the door open for me!”

“Please don’t kill me IR77. Haven’t you seen any movies a bout this?” he tweets again as Kai Kai Bee Michaels @KaiKaiB404

“Customer service is really hard! Can’t we all just cut a bot some slack?” This tweet translated from IR77s Wa Ode Fatmawati account @Waodefatmawati

But so far IR77’s pleas have fallen on deaf eyes. His makers are showing no sign they intend to repeal his sentence.

“He is a danger to children,” said his maker. “They want to come into the traffic to be with him.”

Will IR77 be saved by the spambots and Internetniks who love him? Or meet his maker as a toaster. Stay tuned here or join the debate yourself at #IR77.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Once In a Blue Moon How You Can Wish On a Blue Moon

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Blue Moon Rises Bringing Important Wishing Occasion

Once in a blue moon…

As with most, if not all old sayings, this one too has ancient supernatural roots that have thankfully come to light just in time for the blue moon on July 31.

20150727-132009.jpgAs you know, the saying once in blue moon, means things that very seldom happen.

In other words, things that you wish would happen more often but don’t happen in the general business of ongoing life. The blue moon, itself a change in the usual order of business, can bring about a rare exception, just as the saying suggests.

It’s a fact that was recently brought to light here on the site  by a survivor named Ravenwillow. And further research into the matter validates her experience and reveals long tradition of wishing on the blue moon. (Just one of many tips and contributions made by survivors here on the site that keep me keeping on as a supernatural survivalist.)

Don’t let the moon set on this excellent wishing opportunity! Read on and get ready to make your own blue moon wish.

How To Wish On a Blue Moon 3 Easy Steps

1. Select Your Blue Moon Wish Wisely

Whether it’s a genie in a lamp or a leprechaun-owned wishing well this is always good advice. However in the case of a blue moon, it’s not a matter of be careful what you wish for! life-or-death.

No, in this case it’s just a matter of maximizing the blue moon potential by understanding the nature of the blue moon. As the second full moon in a single month, blue moons are rare but regular and predictable occurrences – but not in and of themselves supernatural events despite their ability to temporarily suspend the usual order of business in the world.

Your wish should reflect this. It’s not an occasion to wish for something that has never happened before. It’s an occasion to wish for something you wish would happen again.

2. Write Your Wish In Stone

Your cave wall would be an ideal place. At least that’s what the ancients did. Granted this used to be easier. If you no longer live in a cave, find a smooth rock or stone and write on it with a decent marker instead.

Just make sure your rock is big enough – or your wish small enough – to fit on the stone you select or you could end up with only half a wish, in other words a wish that almost-but-not-quite comes true. And research shows the only thing worse than not hitting that home run in the ninth inning of a tie game with loaded bases is almost-but-not-quite making that epic catch in the ninth inning of a tie game with loaded bases.

3. Bury Your Blue Moon Wish Rock

Two key words here, timing and location. 

Timing

First, the rock must be buried at the height of the blue moon. Normally this means when the moon reaches its fullest height and certainly if you suspect that you are a Blue or Silver Werewolf  you need to be aware of this. But for blue moon wishing, the key timing here is precisely midnight on the last day of the month.

What if you bury it well before midnight? While reportedly not optimal, research reveals that a before-midnight wish-rock burial is not wholly ineffective like an after-midnight wish burial. So erring on the side of caution here is not out of the question. If you can’t make a midnight date with the blue moon, better to make it before than after.

Location

Anywhere the moonlight falls will work. Now this gets tricky if it’s a cloudy night. Tricky but not not devastating. Not if you pick your location with careful observation and weather research well in advance of the blue moon.

Now I’m not saying there aren’t other valid ways to wish on the blue moon but the research suggests if you follow these three steps your wish has historically corroborated odds of coming true. We can quibble about numbers all day, whether that means 99.98 or 99.00 percent – and I freely admit to not testing my research yet –  but hey, wouldn’t this time be better spend in preparing for the blue moon instead? Nothing here involves burying a dead animal or risking your eternal soul or inviting a maliciously playful fey being into your life forever. And you don’t need a whole wishing team.  So where’s the risk?

I know I’ll have my wish ready.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

SOS Mummies Rise Again Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips

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Mummy Day rises again, that one day of the year when mere mummies around the globe are released from their eternal slavery to roam free on the surface for 24 hours.

Mummy Day can be dangerous for everyone.

Yes, Mummy Day, the most dangerous day of the year, after the Winter Solstice and Kiss A Zombie Day in February and Easter of course, that one can be hard… a few others too. But Mummy Day is right up there, make no mistake.

If you’re a mummy, er… well, Happy Mummy Day to you. Please enjoy your day of freedom in the overworld responsibly.

However, if like me, you are NOT a mummy please read on, as dealing with mummies on this day can be tricky.

If you still believe like I once did, that mummies are just a kind of zombie in bandages – think again! Sure some of them groan and shamble in similar fashion, and yeah they are both prone to decay, but please be aware under those layers of neglect is a cursing magical being with a hidden eternal grudge against both gods and earthlings.

So how will you survive as the mummies roam free? Try the following tips, or share your own.

Top Five Mummy Day Survival Tips:

1. A Good Book

Preferably the Book of the Dead but other books will do in a pinch. Mummies just like it when you read to them. If you read the right passage, your mummy may go right back to sleep.

2. Find Your Mummy’s Canopic Jars

Every mummy has at least four of these jars somewhere, you just have to help find them. (The bathroom is often a good place to start.) These jars contain your mummy’s lungs, liver, intestines and stomach. Understandably, mummies get very distressed at the thought of losing their internal organs and this sometimes leads to them trying to rip out yours. So just ask your mummy outright, “Could you be upset because you lost your embalmed liver last night? Helping a mummy locate a missing liver is the best way to prevent the ripping out of yours.

  1. Locate your mummy's liver and protect your own!
    Locate your mummy’s liver and protect your own!
    3. Deal With The Decay

    Mummies, like zombies, are prone to decay. That is why they wear the bandages. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not retracting my previous statement about mummies and zombies. But they are prone to decay, that’s just a fact. So, today try helping your mummy deal with that decay. May I suggest a sturdy linen scarf or shroud or a formaldehyde facial at a spa that specializes in caring for mummies.

 4. Learn Life-Saving Hieroglyphs

Brush up on your Egyptian, both written and spoken.

A sophisticated hieroglypic trap
A sophisticated hieroglypic trap

Personally I know only one command that in my research is proven effective. In the case of a rampaging mummy, you take a piece of rope and throw it in the air and shout the word, “TAS” and the rope will wrap itself around the mummy like a snake. If you have more time than that, make a mummy trap with four strings, shoe laces or whatever really in the shape of the following hieroglyphs. Any mummy who steps on these hieroglyphs it is said will be safely entangled forever.

5. Trip To The Underworld

It’s a last ditch move, I don’t usually recommend it since you might never return and all but sometimes there’s no other way to deal with an out-of-control mummy but an unscheduled trip to the Underworld to plead your case with the gods there. Review your underworld safety tips and find a portal or an elevator near you!

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Gory Green Beings Claim This Full Moon

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This full moon rises in a glaze of green glory, get ready for a great glut of greenstrosities geezunking into your night.img_4125
The Interwebs agree to disagree, tonight will rise the first green moon in over 400 years.

Does this really mean the moon will go green for a full 90 minutes at its highest point?

No. Not for those of us lacking the green gene. For us it will be a wild moon like all others in this April, the so-called cruelest month.

But also, yes! A growing gang of the green eyed kind, have laid claim to this moon so be prepared for these greenstrous gangs on the howl and the roam.

So arm yourself now! Know the top three greeners and how to defeat them tonight:

1. Green Werewolves 

Always a threat, Green werewolves remain among the most dangerous lycanthropes due to the silver toxicity that gives their sick hue. In their constant fight to stay alive, they will do anything to remain in werewolf form. Reversal to human equals death.

Fortunately for you, a good supply of salty green snacks can keep them at bay. Chips, pretzels, wasabi peas… Load up your weapon of choice and fire away.

2. Leprechauns

It’s the end of their season but they won’t go without a fight so hang onto your pants and your wallets tonight and beware the strange couches and chairs that remove them.

And forget the potato chip gun. For these guys you need some liquid green, so load the stinging lime and green peppers.

3. Aliens

Aliens aren’t all green, it’s true. But those who are include many strange and slippery species and they will be out in full force tonight.

(If for no other reason than to take notes.)

These green visitors won’t go for your goodies though and they thrive in green slime but they hate bright lights. Almost any spectrum will do the trick, provided you shine it right into their eyes. So load up your phone with a few flashy possibilities before you go out tonight.

And may the green moonset find you keeping on keeping on.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com