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Hosted by renowned supernatural survivologist Seth Greening Seth On Survival is the blog, web series, and mobile app with the supernatural resources that you need to survive in these troubled times.

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Zombie Outbreak in Texas!!!

Hail Survivors!

I recently received a very grave -no pun intended- warning from Survivor Miles who I believe may be located in or near Texas. Survivor Miles recently survived a vicious zombie attack, armed with only his wits and hedge clippers. His parents unfortunately were not so lucky.

Read more here: Zombie Attack!!!

Seth

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Eternal Sword Mystery in Siberia

Did Mysterious Medieval Sword Loss Make Ivan Terrible?

An eternal sword found buried beneath a tree of life in Russia hacks headlines this week as the researcher who discovered it claims this sword could be the stolen blade that helped make the Russian Tsar, Ivan the Onion Breath, so very Terrible.

Epic sword found buried under birch tree.

Epic sword found buried under birch tree.

The mysterious medieval sword was discovered buried at the base of a birch tree known in Russia as a tree of life by researchers who said it was so incredibly well-preserved that it sparkled.

“I was scared to raise it from the ground,” said Russian researcher Vyacheslav Molodin who helped uncover the sword. “I slowly twisted it, noting sparkles of silver on the guard and blade. It was so well-preserved you could in fact use it in battle almost straight away.”

The sword bears a clear inscription in Latin devoting it to God and the Eternal. But to whom did it belong?

Having raised the sword himself and survived, Mr. Molodin now devotes his life to solving the matter and this week he put forth a new theory –>> this is the sword of Ivan the Terrible himself, taken from his armoury by one of his own knights.

Widely regarded as one of the most ruthless leaders in history, Mr. The Terrible was the orphan who loved killing people and onions. Two facts that until today have been widely reported and linked. In fact he loved onions so much he made churches have onion tops after declaring himself the first Tsar of Russia in the 16th Century. And he loved killing people so much that among thousands of others at the end of his life he inexplicably killed his own favourite son, possibly with this very sword. But was it really just too many onions that mad him mad at the end of his life? Or something more?

“While onions are notably hardy and good for you, people who eat too many of them may become foul-breathed and bad-tempered,” states a warning from the Ontario Onion Council. “Excessive onion eaters are 50X more likely to kill their own heirs than any other vegetable eating demographic.”

But if Mr. Molodin’s theory is true, Ivan’s terrible temper may have been less about the onions and more about the loss of his epic weapon. Did Ivan kill to get it back? Did the ruler really give the blade to his favourite knight or did he suspect his own son of taking it without permission? If so or not, how does it then wind up buried for centuries at the base of a tree known as a Tree of Life?

Mr. Molodin says we can’t be sure if the blade was buried intentionally or just dropped here in the heat of battle but those who are more prone to burying relics at the bases of trees of life have a more elaborate theory.

“Clearly the sword was stolen from Ivan and buried here to await a more worthy wielder. I suspect this made old onion-breath mad enough he started killing everyone to find it,” stated one such relic burier.

While the mystery continues and we await Mr. Molodin’s definitive findings, survivors are advised to look hard beneath any trees of life for any telltale signs there may be an eternal blade buried beneath it. Also to watch Mr. Molodin’s Facebook page for any telltale signs of aging, madness or killing sprees that could indicate he may be joining the ranks of magic-mad immortals. 

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Anti-Vampire Party Planning - The Monstrometer Report

VAMPIRE PROOF YOUR PARTY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Whether you’re planning to attend a Halloween party later tonight, or planning one yourself, take a minute - actually 1.5 minutes – to watch this before you unlock the door to an unwanted guest of the undead kind! Your survival is guaranteed 99.93%*

*Some restrictions apply. Please read fine print below.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on. More Monstrometer Reports to come…

*Offer not valid for employees, family and friends of Seth on Survival. Void on Friday the 13th, Halloween, St. Patrick’s Day, Black Noodle Day, Cinco de Mayo, Valentines Day, New Years Day, Groundhog Day, Buddhist Festival of the Tooth, Christmas, April Fools Day, Solstice, Equinox, Thanksgiving, Sinter Klaas Day, Ninja Day, Talk Like A Pirate Day, Chanukah…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Survivor of the Month Returns With Super Moon and New Video

With another super moon on the wane, its official SOS appears to have super survived the dread Dog Days once again.

Who will it be?

Who will it be?

If you’re reading this then you have likely super survived with us and if so then congratulations.

Now survival is its own reward, I always sometimes say, it’s all you really need to keep on keeping on – but I’m happy to report this full moon has also brought a new  Survivor of the Month and would you believe it? A new Monstromter Report.

Look for more news about that here tonight by midnight EST.

(-ish. I’m still uploading…)

Thanks to everyone who super survives supernaturally here at SOS.

Long may you keep on keeping on.

Seth

Who is the New Survivor of the Month? 3 Super Clues

The new SoTM is…

1. Human. But for how long?

2. An expert in kinds of transformation dust if not where to locate them.

In particular once served up a valuable warning about the dangers of Star Dust which I found especially helpful. 

3. Best friends with a draconian with sapphire blue scales.

Enough clues for some to guess already, I think. If not, stay tuned with me while I upload a Monstrometer Video on a completely unrelated but still very important issue…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Monstrometer Report: Kaiju and You

Should you adopt a Kaiju for a pet? Like me, you have likely been considering the question since science broke the news last week about the giant rats taking over the world, one island at a time. But please before you decide, watch the latest Monstrometer Report. The SPCA and I both thank you in advance.

If you haven’t been informed about the rats going Kaiju, you can  read about it here:  http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/return-giant-rats-get-ready )
Thanks for keeping on keeping on with SOS and the Monstrometer Reports. Get ready for an important Survivor of the Month announcement.
Seth
Mothra is almost like a bee..

Mothra is almost like a bee..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Introducing The Monstrometer Report

Hail Survivors,

I’m happy to announce on this fine full moon the survival of the first video in my new series, The Monstrometer Report,  a show that covers the supernatural survival news and views unfolding here on the site and around the world.

In this one, the burning question that should be on your mind anytime a fireball falls to Earth or even when you take out the trash: Am I living In An alien zoo? And if so, what to do?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

Do you live in an alien zoo?

 

Thanks to everyone for helping SOS keep on keeping on and especially for helping out with the site so I could make the new videos. You know who you are: Survivors of the Month, Hall of Famers and everyone who continues to share their supernatural advice and experiences here at SOS.  Long may you keep on keeping on, supernaturally.

 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

What's New in Monstrometer 3.0

Hail Survivors!

The new long-awaited update to the Monstrometer is finally here.  See below for a tease of the new features.

Thanks for keeping on keeping on!

Seth

Get it on the App Store! https://itunes.apple.com/app/monstrometer/id335896676

New features and a redesigned interface to help you keep on keeping on.
Now a universal app for iPad, iPhone and iPod Touch – Optimized for 4″ tall iPhone screens, 3.5″ iPhone screens and iPad.
Updated for iOS7 (also supports iOS 6 and iOS 5) – (if you have iOS 3 or iOS 4 you can still download version 2.2)
Retina Display support with higher resolution graphics throughout.

A nearly 0.01% increase in scan sensitivity.
Now over 12.8% more accurate diagnosis
30+ new interrogation questions
Easier access to stats, monsters and links.
Easy access to all SOS supernatural survival resources (web site, videos, ebooks, apps and supernatural survival diagnostic tools).

New Lunar Phase tracker to help you survive

Watch HD videos from within the app!

Modernized code for improved performance, compatibility and stability.

Monstrometer3-Home

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by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

NEW PROOF FROM 67P COMETS ALIEN SPACECRAFT

Lander Reports Comet 67P Sings, Smells Just Like a Bus

Is 67p a smelly interstellar transit vehicle?

Is 67p a smelly interstellar transit vehicle?

Survivors have been monitoring this one for years here on SOS but thanks to data from Philae Lander on Comet 67P, new clues confirm the truth that many comets are actually part of a massive interstellar space transit system maintained by aliens with advanced technology and a lazy janitorial staff.

Data from the lander has revealed that Comet 64P emits a strange singing signal and an even stranger smell of rotten eggs, urine, alcohol, and vinegar, smells typically associated by humans with poorly sanitized mass transit vehicles.

“Yeah that pretty much describes the smell on this bus,” said bus driver Edna Smith, hiding her suspiciously cold coffee flask. “I keep telling them to fire that cleaner but they just banned egg sandwiches instead.”

The outgassing smell from Comet 67-PEE was reportedly so bad that Philae Lander passed out and fell over last week. A charge that has offended many aliens hiding among us.

“You Earthlings always going on about smelly aliens when you can’t even go a three hours without a toilet, let alone cross an entire galaxy. Just try floating through the Milky Way and see how long you can hold it.”

As for the strange singing sound, Philae reported that Comet 67P emits a strange, song-like clicking noise just below the range of human hearing, a sound that has been described as a form of intelligent communication that may have actually been first detected almost 20 years ago.

According to alien watcher Scott Waring of UFO Sightings Daily, an anonymous email from a space agency whistle blower claims they knew about the signal two decades ago and that it is in fact the real reason behind the whole mission to Comet 67P.

‘Do not think for one moment that a space agency would suddenly decide to spend billions of dollars to build and send a spacecraft on a 12-year journey to simply take some close-up images of a randomly-picked-out comet floating in space.”

While most comets follow a predictable orbit, according to Waring’s whistle blower the singing, smelly comet 64/P has been observed to changing course, a behaviour that indicates route changes according to a changing delivery and drop schedule demanded by paying customers.

While the Internet continues to study Philae images for signs of machine-like parts on Comet 67P, none of this will come as a surprise to SOS readers. It does point to the need for extreme survivological caution if you have any interstellar transit plans for the coming holidays. No amount of hand sanitizer can protect you from the range of alien pathogens likely present on this ship. So pack a good space suit and consider wearing it throughout the whole trip. Or at least the gloves and good face mask.  And whatever you do, don’t bring egg salad.

Long may you keep on keeping on. Click here for past info about alien interstellar transit. 

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Time Travel Tips How to Speak Stone Age

Ever been trapped in the wrong époque following a terrifying time travel debacle? Say you appeared wrapped in a toga with a skin of chocolate milk on the Savannah when what you really needed was a loincloth pelt and a good club?

Tips for Talking to the Stone Aged

Tips for Talking to the Stone Aged From Scientists

You’re not alone. Time travel accidents are a common occurrence, especially during the dark season when our urge to wander grows strong, so here on SOS we try to arm you with the info you need to survive awkward temporal situations like this.

Luckily, science has contributed a breakthrough in Stone-Age linguistics this week. That’s right, a dictionary for Stone-Age communication.  Today we present to you a four talking points:

TOP 4 STONE AGE TALKING TIPS

1. WHICH WAY HOME?

They had a limited vocabulary, so you don’t want to waste time on small talk with a Stone Ager. Get right to the point and ask the DAM way home.

No I’m not swearing. (Science has yet to decode the Stone-Age swear dictionary past, “AAAAARGH.” “DAM” just means home. Try that. Of course, you may end up at his home but hey, you might also score a hot pot of shrunk-head stew.

2. HEY CAN I BORROW YOUR HORSE?

There’s plenty of evidence the Stone Agers kept horses. For a quick getaway, you might need to borrow one. The term,”AK-WOS” means horse to a Stone-Ager. Be careful how you say it though because scientists say that, “WOS” means animal in general. If you leave off the “AK,” you could end up with a bear or a sabre-tooth tiger. And although that might be cool, it won’t help you ride to your render-vous point.

3. GOT ANYTHING TO EAT, DRINK?

Of course if you’re stuck out there a while, sooner or later you’re going to need a snack and these two words could save your life. “PEL” means a skin, which combined with the action of drinking, could score you a slug of something. I’m not going to guarantee water or that you’ll like what you get but you should get something. For food try, “PA.” That’s right the earliest word for father could also be used to refer to food.

Of course “PA” also meant father so it could create some confusion. Like you could be telling your new Stone Age pal that you’re their dad. Which might come in handy too and could theoretically be true.

4. GOT A LIGHT?

The nights get cold out there and you’ll need to keep wild animals away, so knowing the word for light could save your life. If your flinting skills are not up to snuff, try asking for a light with the word, “BHAL.” Technically you are asking for the blazing sunlight here but with an appropriate gesture it should get your point across.

Other words meant light too, like “LUH” which as you can guess meant the full moon and then there’s “DIW” which meant daylight but start with “BHAL” and see how it goes.

Good luck out there time travellers. And remember, if you are of the ilk that uses chocolate milk to down the time travel fatigue, you’ll still need to bring your own as Stone Agers were not known to herd brown cows.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

SOS HALL OF FAME: REAPER

Who Fears The Reaper?

ReaperMany of you know THE REAPER, as the reaper of souls and part time Taco-Enthusiast. But did you know he’s also a blogger? That’s right. THE REAPER’S TIPS (http://thereaperstips.wordpress.com/) is a survival blog much like Seth on Survival,  and while it’s not been updated for a while, it still has some valid survival tips that may just help you in the days to come.

THE REAPER first joined SOS in early 2012, he had apparently come to help us with KZAZIER VETENARI’s Cycle. But helped us with many other issues, including the ROYAL BABIES SUPERNATURAL IDENTITY (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-resources/new-british-prince-vampire-like-grandpa-or-werewolf/comment-page-1#comment-289813)  and while his BOSS (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-resources/the-yule-cat-cometh/comment-page-1#comment-297319) can be a bit friendly – er wait, Ex-Boss? – THE REAPER still seems to be on the side of survival.  – At least somewhat…is it just me, or is he constantly shifting sides? – He is a dedicated professional, and may have to go on a hiatus from the site from time to time. But he always returns with a quick quip, or an answer to some supernatural strangeness going on, on the site.

The God of Death as he calls himself, enjoys many things in his off time. From taking in stray survivors like Lilith or The Urban Squatch, to sitting down to a movie and a bowl of popcorn.

He can get a bit GRIMM at times, but in his line of work that is to be expected.

The Reaper and his friends – and frenemies – are always ready to help anyone on the site. Albeit in their own special ways.

He is the ‘King of the Reapers’ – or at least that’s his claim – and will almost always help a survivor in need.  Even at the cost of his soda.

He was even the headliner of a band known as Death on the Highway. – Who were the bandmates again? –  They were big in the 50’s, and were quote ‘Metal before Metal was cool’.

So congratulations to THE REAPER and the rest of you survivors out there. Just remember to stay off the Reapers list…even if we do have a handy list of tricks to get you off of said list…(http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/who-reaps-the-reaper-reaper-survival-101/)

And if you need to contact THE REAPER, try his SOTM page (http://sethonsurvival.com/survival-news/hunter-moon-survivor-month-2013). Or really anywhere on the site. He’s always somewhere around here…

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

HALLOWEEN SELF-DEFENSE: A LESSON ON DISGUISE FROM ON HIGH

I’ve said it myself a million times, on Halloween a good disguise is not just your ticket to a holy haul of candy, it’s your first line of self-defence when the veil between worlds is thinnest and finally, today I have backing from on high, the Vatican.

Should you disguise yourself as a saint for Halloween?

Should you disguise yourself as a saint for Halloween?

That’s right today the Vatican itself has come out publicly in support of my Halloween survival campaign urging survivors to take their Halloween digs mores seriously and remember the real roots of Halloween.

“Many say Halloween is a simple carnival, but in fact there is nothing innocent or fun about it – it is the antechamber to something much more dangerous,” stated Vatican exorcist Father Aldo Buonaiuto, of the International Association of Exorcists, echoing my own perennial statements almost verbatim. It’s almost like he has been reading the site…

It’s no surprise. Ancient people like Father Aldo have always understood the real roots of Halloween and the reason for a good disguise – when the veils between worlds is thinnest, you need to go incognito into that night. And choosing your disguise is the most important decision you will make — right after the pressing question of plastic bag vs. pillow case.

In the old, old days, true fact –>> parents used to disguise their kids as rotten vegetables, putting cabbages on their heads and suchAnd anyone who reads this blog should know that I have been calling for a return to this practice since 2010.

Father Aldo, however, doesn’t hold with the rotting vegetable crowd. His solution is holy simple, as you might expect. The good father says to dress up as your favourite saint. Unless your favourite saint is Saint Polycarp of Smyrna, the patron saint of dysentery and earaches or Saint Fiacre the patron saint of people with STDs.

Hmm on second thought Saint Fiacre might actually be a good choice..

No presumably Father Aldo is referring to one of the more powerful saints, think the mighty Saint Catherine depicted above, or St. Francis. Of course other religions have saints too. The Buddhist jackal man Śiyalipa comes to mind, or the chanty Hindu Sant Kabir.

But should you really take the Vatican’s advice and scrap that clown costume in favour of some saintly robes?

Well if those are your only two options then the answer is an emphatic YES! Please grab a bloody bed sheet and a crown of thorns before you go out on Halloween night. For survival’s sake, please…

St. Drogo is the patron saint of unattractive people.

St. Drogo is the patron saint of unattractive people.

But I just want to point out that while stigmata and holy relics may be of some use defending against certain ghosts, gargoyles and demons, they help you not if Halloween brings the zombies and vampires to your neighbourhood. In fact, the blood stains, fake as they may be, might actually attract them.

Not to mention all that candy is bound to bring on a CANDYMAN

No, your best bet is still a stinking, rotten head of cabbage or other large vegetable.

Of course if you haven’t been carefully cultivating your fetid head gear by now then it’s probably too late for you. My second best advice in this case is still just this – the least you can do on this day is disguise yourself as something you’re not.

What I mean is, if you are a human, for heaven’s sake don’t go as a human. You’re not fooling anyone. If you’re a werewolf, consider changing it up and go as a zombie for once. That’s all I’m saying. Consider a saint if you want, by all means, just make sure you do your research and pick a mighty one, of whatever tradition. For dog’s sake, don’t count on Saint Drogo, the patron saint of unattractive people to help you under the evil eye of a vengeful witch.

And if you don’t have a Halloween disguise yet, consider this. The Reaper Society appears to be recruiting for the first time in many years…. Follow this link to apply to become a deputy reaper. They provide a uniform!

Follow my advice this Halloween and your survival is guaranteed, 99.98%. Be sure and check back here on Halloween night when SOS will post the next  Monstrometer Report on this very important issue.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Night in a Zombie Fortification Cabin

Are you hoping to survival the seasonal onslaught of zombies, and zombie hunters this Halloween by escaping to a fortified remote cabin?ZFC-1

If so then you, like me, have probably been saving up for materials to build your own. But if you, unlike me, happen to have more than $86.55 in spare change owing in part to riot gear repairs and a recent refund on your survival guarantee,  you could look no further than the new (ish) ZFC-1, pictured here.

Now Tiger Log cabins is not the first company to advertise a zombie proof dwelling for sale with a 10 year guarantee. I wrote about another one here on the site waaaaay back in 2012… but they may be the first company selling one complete with solar panels, water cannon and flame thrower(s) in addition to the plasma TV, workout room and Xbox…

Against my better judgement, I recently tested out a ZFC-1.

Why against my better judgement? For starters, I went all-out PS way back in 2008. Plus, the guy on the phone says there is no room for a Katana collection. And I don’t generally work out. So what would I ever want with one of these?

Not to mention, any valid test of this product would obviously necessitate spending a night in a zombie infested region – not my favourite thing to do under the best of conditions and right now I’m really behind on the site. But at a survivor’s request, I recently agreed to spend one night in one, only to help you can assess whether or not to invest.

My first attempt night started out on a massive groan when a herd of zombies surrounded our delivery truck, making it immediately apparent to me that this is maybe not the best emergency measure for mid-zombie invasion preparation. How were we going to get this thing assembled and me into it, without casualties?

Worse, when I asked the truck driver this question from the back of the truck, he had only one suggestion which he proceeded to implement with extreme prejudice — he unhitched the trailer and drove away. With a quick call to tigerlogcabins, the service agent directed me to the fine print of my contract – installation not included! Now you tell me…

So with night falling and the sound of bony hands clawing at the aluminum siding of the trailer I dug out my swiss army knife and their handy 500-step instruction manual. Things were going pretty good until my flashlight app died and…

Article pre-empted by technical difficulties… please keep on keeping on..

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Reaper To Join SOS Hall of Fame

Hall of Fame Announcement

Hall of Fame Announcement

Well it’s official. THE REAPER will join the SOS HALL OF FAME.

The Reaper was voted into the Hall of Fame by unanimous decision on the Tetrad Moonfall by a conclave of 5 anonymous survivors from SOS.

Citing The Reaper’s consistently awesome dedication to survival, here are some comments from this committee:

“For a guy whose job it is to harvest souls, he’s actually really helpful.”

“Reaper is always friendly and he’s funny and he gets people talking about stuff.”

“I like the Reaper. You should put him in the Hall of Fame. And then you should put me there. But the Reaper can go first. I guess.”

I personally have been grateful to Reaper for his hostyness on the site. Over the months of 2014 I could have confidence that even when I was on another mission, that Reaper would check in and scan the site to help make some supernaturally great supernatural survival moments.

The Reaper will join the elite group of 7 Hall of Famers who also include: ALEX, STIGMA, P5T5R, ZYBORAGON, GODDESS OF FATE and of course, a hybrid you all still know, the generous and awesome MR. MUTT. All great survivors who have helped survival supernaturally over the years.

So that’s it in a nutshell. Thanks to everyone who helps SOS survive and sorry for the wait. These things take a while to do sometimes. Look for REAPER’s HoF profile soon in the days ahead. It’s going to be survivally spectacular.

And be sure and join us here on for the HOWLING HALLOWEEN-A-PALOOZA on you guessed it, Halloween.

Seth

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Gargoyles Escape Locked Basement Still At Large

SOS RED ALERT: GARGOYLES AT LARGE, DEEMED DANGEROUS…

Gargoyles at large in Worcester, Mass. USA

Gargoyles at large in Worcester, Mass. USA

Eight giant gargoyles reportedly escaped from a basement prison in Worcester, Massachusetts in the dark of the Tetrad Moon.

Survivors should be on the lookout for these gargantuan gargoyles, which are over 100 years old, stand 6 feet tall and weigh over 3000 pounds each.

Church official Debra Packard says the gargoyles were securely locked in a nearby basement facility for the safety of the town and were reported missing on the full moon.

Heeding an urgent radio call in the middle of the night last night, SOS’s Seth Greening temporarily suspended the site’s full moon party to launch an immediate investigation.

“Given the fact these gargoyles escaped at the height of the blood moon and the disturbing reports here on SOS pointing to the possibility of a new demon portal open here on Earth, I knew that survivors would understand a delay in the Hall of Famer announcement and immediately went to investigate.”

After inspecting the gargoyles basement prison, Seth confirmed the gargoyles were properly locked away at the time of their disappearance.

“Their heads were properly dismounted and secured in separate boxes, locked in a basement facility with no windows on the top of a hill,” he says. “This indicates clearly the gargoyles had outside help.”

But what kind of outside help?

The town locals suspect a group of human bankers with a plan to control the gargoyles’  power for their own ends.

“Not a bad theory. With the exception of pop stars, bankers are among the most likely humans to seek shady deals with the underworlds,” said Seth, adding that he is personally suspicious of a group calling itself The Protectors who have recently identified themselves to the site.

Until the plot can be unravelled and the gargoyles recaptured Seth alerts survivors everywhere to be on the lookout for gargoyles behaving suspiciously.

“Which is to say, behaving, like any way other than like a statue,” he elaborated.

Seth warns this is not as easy as it sounds, as gargoyles regain human form almost immediately once liberated from their stony stupors, and a  gargoyle in human form is not as easy to identify as one stuck on the outside of a church or government building.

“Some of them can shift in and out of statue form in an instant,” says Seth. “But look for the telltale rock-like cracks in their gray human skin, the stony look in their eyes and any humans who remain supernaturally heavy despite having an outwardly lean and hungry appearance.”

Seth says to immediately suspicious of stone gargoyles that are appear oddly placed. I’m talking about modern settings, like food courts or on public transit.

Survivors with any info that could lead to the re-capture of the gargoyles, or about their overall plan are urged to contact the site immediately.

And to keep on keeping on for the SOS Hall of Famer to be revealed without further ado, later today.

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com

Would You Know a Gargoyle if You Met One?

HOW TO IDENTIFY A GARGOYLE

With the whole world on the watch for 8 great gargoyles liberated from a basement lockdown facility in Worcester, Massachusetts on the Tetrad Moon and a nefarious plot still pending, your survival may depend on your ability to identify a gargoyle.

While not the most dangerous demonic entity you will face during your survival, gargoyles are almost always accompanied by and/or controlled by and/or protected by various other nasty underworldy types, so learning to spot one before one spots you is imperative.

Now a stone-stood gargoyle is easy enough to identity but the difficulty lies in the fact that gargoyles, once liberated from their stony pedestals on a church or government facade, regain a human-like form very quickly and over time the ability to shift back and forth on a dime, making it imperative that you familiarize yourself with both forms.

Four Signs of a Gargoyle in Human Form  

Is this gargoyle following me?

Identify gargoyles before they identify you.

1. Graying Skin:

–>> Look for grayish skin that appears cracked and aging close-up despite an outwardly youthful and vigorous appearance. Use the flashlight or zoom lens on your phone to check if you must, but be subtle. You don’t want them to catch you.

2. Supernaturally Still

–>> Like vampires, gargoyles can remain preternaturally still for long periods of time. That man who never changes position on the bus and never seems to fall over? Dead giveaway.

3. Weighs a Ton. 

–>> Even in human form, gargoyles appear lean and hungry yet they still weigh a ton. Or 1.5 tons in the case of the missing 8 Worcester gargoyles to be exact. Now you can’t very well ask a suspected gargoyle to step on a scale but you can shake his or her hand. Feel the weight of it?  It doesn’t look like a stone mitt so why does your shoulder hurts shaking it? Another telltale sign.

If you can’t get a handshake, carefully observe the surfaces beneath and around the suspected gargoyle for clues. Did the car sag unaccountably when he or she got into it? Did a sturdy chair break for no apparent reason? These are clues.

4. That Voice

–>> Listen for a gravelling wet voice with lots of phlegm. Gargoyles are supernaturally sensitive to the element of water. Not allergic exactly, and you can’t exactly describe it as their kyrptonite, but let’s say they hate it enough to want to spit it out. Which they often do, so watch out, they won’t hesitate, even in public. Which leads us to:

5. Strange Drinking Problem

–>>Because of the aforementioned sensitivity to water, Gargoyles will only drink out of earthen vessels. Ever see a human licking the side of a building? That’s a thirsty gargoyle who surrounded by paper and plastic cups. A stone water bottle hanging on a belt is also a dead giveaway.

Read more about the missing 8 gargoyles here. 

by Seth Greening - Visit SethOnSurvival.com